a 


I  HAPPINESS 

=jg  I  AND 

OTHER  PLAYS 


BY 


J.  HARTLEY  MANNERS 


PRICE.   75    CENTS 


NEW  YORK 

SAM  RENCH 

PUBLISHER 

W-80  WKST  38TH  STREET 


LONDOM 
SAMUEL  FRKNCII.  LTD 

26  SOUTHAMPTON  ST. 
STRAND 


I 


BILLETED. 

A  comedy  in  8  acts,  by  F.  "  -  am!  H.  liar  wood. 

.a  lea.     O: 
uttcocmnoo  skill,  and  abound 
big  success.     Amateur*  will  find  this  c< 
witk  all  »uditnc«. 

NOTHING  BUT  THE  TRUTH. 

A  comedy  in  3  act*.    By  James  Mont;,  females.    Cos- 

tomes,  modern.    Two  interior  >ccuc>.     IMuy«=  'J 

:   po»*ible   to  tell   the   kbtotute    truth-even   for  twen: 
*t    lent   Bob    Bennett,    the   hero  of   "Nothing   H 
if«t     The  bet  he  made  with   hit  butinett  partner*.  *r 
with    hit   partner*,    hi*    friend*,    and    hi*    »". 

viendou*  corned  %  •.,•  B»t  • 

rriutnmendrd  M  OM  of  the  mo»t   *prifhtly,   amutiug   and   p^pul 
thi*  country  can  boaat 

IN  WALKED  JIMMY. 

A  comedy  in  4  actf,  by  Minnie  Z.  Jaffa,    10  male*,  2  females  (altV 
any  number  of  males  and  females  may  be  used  as  clerks.  > 
interior  scenes.     Costumes,  modern.     Plays  VA  hour?.     The  thin,; 
which  Jimmy  walked  was  a  broken-down  shoe  factory,  when  the  clerks 
had  all  been  fired,  and  when  the  proprietor  was  in  serious  contemplation 
of  suicide. 

Jimmy,  nothinf  else  but   plitn   Timmy.  would  hare  been  •   my*ttr!oaf 
had    it    Dot   been    for   hi*    matter-of-fact   manner,    hi*    tmile    and    hi»    r\t- 
tiiim»nnrt».    He  put    the   shoe   butinei*   oa   it*    feet,    won    the    heart 
clerk,    aaved   her   errinc   brother    from   jail,   escaped    that    place   a*   a   permanent 
bvardfef    h«a*«   him.elT.    and    foiled    the    villain. 

Clean,  whole  tome  comedy  with  ju»t  a  touch  of  human  r 

iient  and  more  than  a  little  bit  of  true  phlloaophy  ma' 
««e  of   the   mott   delifhifol  of  play*.    Jimmy    i*    full   of   the   rr'.igion 
rellfio*   of  hapotort*    and   the   retiftoe   of  helpfutne**,    an  ' 
•tmo*phere  with  bit  "rellfton"  that  everyone   i*  happy.    Tbc   tpiril   of  opt 
•ood  cb*«r,  and  hearty  laochter  dominate*  th*  play.    Therr 
la  aaj  of  the  four  act*.    We   ktronfly   recommend   it.  90  Cent* 

MARTHA  BY-THE-DAY. 

An  optimistic  comedy  in  three  acts,  by  Julie  M.  Lippmann,  auth 
the  "Martha"  storie*.    5  males.  5  female*.    Three  interior  jcenes. 
tumvt  modem.    Plays  VA  hours. 

It    i*    *lto«rther   a   tentle   tbUif.   thi*    play.    It   t*    full   of  qua  old- 

l**lt toned,   homely   tentiment.   the  kind   that   people   who  *ee    the    rla> 
and   chut  He  over  tomorrow  and  the  next  day. 


vptnann  bat  h?r*etf  adapted  her  very  »<ic«. 
1  hi  d*.mg  thit  ha»  teUrtrd  from  her  novel  the  moi 
iedy  and  homely  aenttment  for  the  pUy,  and  the  re 


*»4  (•  doing  tl.it  h*»  «rU<(rd  from  her  novel 
aenHment  for  the  play,  an 

Above  Art  fc*fci»ct  U  Reyalty  Wlmt  Pr*mi«*d) 


.   .  ,  ;  ,  .  •     .       |     .  ,    ,  . 

new  ami  fcxf  (kit  Dcscrlpilre  Catalogue  Malic  U  free  on 


DRAMATIC  WORKS  OF  J.  HARTLEY  MANNERS 


HAPPINESS 

AND 
OTHER     PLAYS 


HY  Tin.  S.I. Ml-:  Al  "I'll OR 


"lYtr  <>'  M>   H<  trt" 

A  .Yt/r*/  /.•.•«  /<•,/  /  v  .Vr.  Miin- 
ntrt  i-it  Itij  <  './f/ix/y  i-f  Yi'ilth 
<>J  <hr  mini  l.:lf. 


HAPPINESS 
AND    OTHER    PLAYS 


NY 


J.   HARTLEY   MANNERS 


NEW  YORK 
SAMUEL   FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

:S-30  WEST  38x11  STREET 


LONDON 

SAMUEL  FRENCH.   LTD. 

26  SOUTHAMPTON  STREET, 

STRAND 


Conrmrr.HT  19U 
BT  DODO.   MKAD  AND  I'OMPANY 


i-.-.;<cu!  iicticr  -houid  IK-  tak' n  tliat  the  possession  of  this 
N-  k  with  ;:t  a  \alid  contract  for  production  f:i>t  having 
\f<:\  i  !  :a  r:ed  irc-in  the  puMi-hcr,  confers  no  right  or  license 
(••  pr  !c>sii  nals  or  amateurs  to  produce  the  play  publicly 

•  •r   in  private   for  tfain   or  charity. 

In  its  present  form  tins  play  i-,  dedicated  to  the  reading 
I'.iUic  i-n!>,  an'.  u<»  performance,  representation,  production. 
r<  !a:i  >:i  -T  j '.:M;c  rcaili:^  may  !>e  fjiven  except  l'_v  special 
iirranxemr::!  with  S.tiv.-irl  l-'rr::ch.  J.^-31)  West  ->S:h  Street. 
N«-'t\  'i  ••:»•.  Att'-ntii  n  is  cail'-d  t»  the  penalty  provided  l>> 
'.  i  ,v  f  r  any  rifrin^nnent  of  the  author's  ri^ht^.  :is  f«>!lr»w. 

"Si  i  ri.-N  4'"/>:  Any  ]"-rs<"'ti  p'.ililirly  performing  or  np- 
:  •••:•'.:•.,•  ,t;.\  drama!:"  »r  inimical  composition  for  which 
.  ;,'u.!it  !..L.  !«•<::  o^tainc'!.  \\ithoiit  tin-  «or.  >ent  of  th- 
;r  ;r:r!"r  i.f  vud  ilratn.itir  or  ITIU--I' al  composition,  .  >r  his 
i.- :r  .it  1  a'si^n-.  ^'M!!  !"•  haMc  l"r  damage*  thereof.  --IK  !i 

•  !.t"  .!,;'-• .  it:  a!!  ia«rv  to  1--  a^M    sed  at  such  sum,  not  !r-,s  than 

:.  if.dtrd  i!--!:.trs   :'•  r  th-  :,i   t  and  l:!t>    •!.  !!.i;-,   f.  ,j    <-\,-ry 

,-:•:.!   ;«-rfori:i..t:;c«-,   .1 ,   {•>   th'-  i"int    slia'I   .ippcar  t-«   !"• 

;••:.      I:    t:  <•    iir.'.i'.s  :"•;!    ;••  r  f.  .ri:'.'i:;cr    a:;!    ic;  rr  r-  'ati' •!!    !"• 

*•:'•    I  .1:  d   :•  r  ;r    '.',  *;:<?;  i<-r-'ii  or  ]rro;is   --'..»I!  1-t-   guilty 

•  !  .1  r:--.- •!•-!(•.<  4::'  r.  a:.d  i:;    •:;  i-n\nt!in   shall  !•'•   "i;;  r  i-,-  .nr<l 
'    r    .1     ;'t;     1     :.    !     r^irrdsii).;     i  ;:e     >ear."-     I   .     S.     Kr\i  'd 

•-.•:!•  •      'I  i'1.    '-V   (  |;a:i.    .1. 


SftLf 


PRODUCED   AT   THE   CORT   THEATRE 

NEW  YORK  CITY 

ON  FRIDAY  AFTERNOON',  MARCH  GTH,  1914 
WITH  THE  FOLLOWING  CASTS 

HAPPINESS 
A  STUDY 

PHILIP  CHANDOS //.  Reeves-Smith 

FRITZ  SCOWCROFT Peter  Bassett 

MRS.  CiniYSTAL-PoLE J'iolet  Kemble-Cooper 

JENNY Laurette    Taylor 

JUST  AS  WELL 
A    TWENTIETH  CEXTURY  ROMANCE 

HON.  DOLEEX  SWEETMARCH Laurette  Taylor 

MRS.  CARFAX Emilie  Melville 

MAID Yvonne  Jarrette 

CAPTAIN  TRAWBRIDGE Hassard  Short 

THE   DAY  OF    DUPES 
AX  ALLEGORY 

THE  ARTIST 77.  Reeves-Smith 

THE   POLITICIAN Clarence    Ilandyside. 

THE   FINANCIER Reginald   Mason 

THE    LITTERATEUR Hassard    Short 

THE  ATTENDANT Emilie   Mclrillc 

THE   '  DUPE  ' Laurette  Taylor 


TO 
LAURIE 


C  O  N  T  E  N  T  S 

PAGE 

HAPPINESS,  A   Study 1 

JUST  AS  WELL,  'A  Twentieth-Century  Romance        .      71 
THE  DAY  OF  DUPES,  An  Allegory 125 


ILLUSTRATIONS 


FACING 
PACK 


"  Shabby    Jenny  "        ................        4- 

"  Dolocn  " 74 

"  Tin-    '  Dupe  '  " .      .      .130 

"Many    Happy    Returns" 150 


HAPPINESS 

WRITTEN  IN  1914 


CHARACTERS 

Pnii.il>  CiiAxnos  MHS.  CIIKYSTAL-POLE 

I'nrr-/.  S(  o\v<  HOKT  JKNNY 

Tlic  (i<-liiin   pax. it's  in  Mrs.   Chrystal-Pole's  Apartment 
in   A'cti1   York  City,  toward  t-rcniin/  on  ti  long  May  tlay. 


"  Do  yc  know  what  I  think  happiness  is  really? 
Lookin'  foncard," 


II  A  P  P  I  N  E  S  S 

The  curtain  discloses  a  comfortably  furnished  room  of  a 
modern  apartment-house.  The  furniture  is  neither 
elaborate  nor  tawdry.  Thf  Itniigings  and  pictures  are 
in  good  taste,  yet  without  the  personal  note  of  selec- 
tion being  apparent.  Tin-  effect  is  that  of  affluence 
without  enthusiasm.  An  owner  of  beautiful  tilings 
with  the  sense  of  beauty  lacking  in  the  opener. 

MRS.  CmtYsT  Ai.-Poi.K,  a  charming  young  tvidow  of 
twenty-seven,  is  lying  in,  a  window-seat,  fast  asleep; 
the  sun  streaming  in  on  her  naturally  clear  complexion 
and  genuinely  blonde  Jiair.  The  face  is  quite  at  rest, 
the  features  relaxed,  the  breathing  slight.  She  is 
evidently  in  a  light,  dreamless  sleep. 

FHITZ  Sc'owciioFT,  a  burly,  genial,  hearty  man  of  fifty- 
five,  is  standing  with  his  back  to  the  mantelpiece,  goo<I- 
naturedly  zcaiting  for  her  to  wake.  He  is  whistling 
a  tune  under  Jtis  breath.  After  a  few  seconds  he  looks 
at  his  watch,  smiles,  turns  round  and  adjusts  his  hair 
and  tie  in  the  mirror,  then  walks  quietly  orer  to  tJie 
door,  opens  it  and  is  about  to  pass  out  wJicn  MKS. 
POLE  stretches  la~i!i/  and  yawns  heartily. 

SCOWCROFT 
[Turns  in  doorway.]      Awake,  "Mouse-y"? 

-        5 


H  A  !'  1'  I  N  KSS 

MKS.     (UKVS  T  \I.   rol.K 

[Looks  at  him  languidly.}  Y<  •*.  father  for  .1  min- 
ute. [Cloift  her  eyrs  and  settles  /ic-r.M  //'  /.«</.•  to  sleep 
a/iatn.  } 

SCOWCROFT 

[Closet  door,  f/Oft  to  MHS.  I'OIK  «7i</  hrams  down  at 
firr.  Ilf  iirntltj  tu<js  tit  th<-  point  of  her  shoe.  O»<v 
a</ain  Mus.  I'oi.K  opens  her  rycx  and  looks  at  him  smil- 
in<l  do'nn  at  her  (fuoil-naturrdltf.]  M:ikr  it  fife  minutes. 
will  v«  ' 

MKS.     (UnvsTAl.-I'Ol.l 

[Looks  at  Srowc'iioKT  steadily;  she  (fraduaUy  straight- 
rut  up;  the  lassitude  tltwlif  disappears.] 

SCOWCROKT 

\\  idr   awake  .' 

MUS.     CIIKYSTA  I.-  I'OI.K 

Oh,  y«-s;  I  suppose  so:  f«r  the  rest  of  the  evening. 
Wli.nt  is  it? 

S(  '()  \VCUO  l-'T 

Drnpjtrd  in  to  see  \c.  Told  tlie  m.-nd  not  to  w:tke 
yr.  So  I  ji.st  stood  .-tl.ont  for  a  hit.  I  was  ^oinjj  when 
you  waked  i:p.  I'.  \crvt  hillg  all  nyht  ? 

M  US.     (    H  K  Y.sT  \  I.-  TO  '.!'. 


.sc  o\v<   no)  T 
•Si?«  ilii'^n   near  her.'       All   alonr  h'  re 


HAPPINESS 

MBS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 


Yes. 


SCOWCROFT 

No  companion  —  or  —  anyone  ? 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 

No. 

SCOWCROFT 

Why  don't  ye  come  home? 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLE 

What  for? 

SCOWCROFT 

Less  lonesome  for  ye. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLE 

Think  so? 

SCOWCROFT 

Yer  mother  does.     Will  ye? 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLE 

No. 

SCOWCROFT 

\\liy  not? 

MRS.     CIIKYSTAL-POLE 

I'd  rather  stay  here. 

SCOWCROFT 

Are  ye  happy  ? 

-C 


II  AP  I'  I  N  KSS 

MRS.  citnvsr vi.-roi.E 
Not  .1  Hi. 

BCOWCBOFT 

Yer  mother  and  I   arc  worrying  nbout  ye. 

MRS.     rilUVsTAI.-I'OI-K 

Yi'ii'vi-    no    mid    to. 

M  (MVt  KO  1  T 

Still   ^rir\in'  KMT   M-irk? 

MKs.     t    II  H  V.sTM.    I'OI.r. 

No. 

srowrnoKT 

H(    was   -i   jrotxl    hu-.li.i:nl   to   \  «•,   wisn't   In1? 


S(  O\V(   1U)KT 
ll<-   ,-ilw-ivs  sc-  UK  (1   In  !n-         to  inc.       ll'ttsn't   he? 

•!  it--.    (  H  \:\  >  T  \  i.  i-oi.r. 

I      -,11]  ijHi-.''     >•'•  -'1  1     hilsl'.lluN     ^'  '. 

si  owt  •  nu  i-  T 
••••         li'i\\    |..||L'  -,  |,i    l-ci  n  (\<  -ui  "' 


\T  It  V     (111^  sT  \  I      ]'(>  I   I 

<>'M.    t    yc-'.r         <>r   t-  n    iinmtlis,   «>r         r--:illy    I'v 
t«-n 

Si    (  I\V  (    KO  IT 

Tim'.'*  n   fiinnv  w'i\    t.i  till.  <>f  v<  r  d>  :u!   Inistm 


H  APP I  NESS 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLE 

I  don't  want  to  talk  about  him  at  all. 

BCOWCROFT 

\I.ookx  at   her   in   a  puzzled,  curious   manner.]      Feel 
well? 

MRS.     CHRYSTAI,-1'OI,K 

[Impatiently.]      Oh,  yes.     Physically  —  quite  well. 

SC'OWCHOFT 

SIr»-p  all  right? 

MRS.     ( '  1 1  R  V  ST  A  I  ,-I'O  l.E 

Looks  like  it. 

SCOWCROFT 

Eat  good  ? 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-rOLE 

Yes. 

SCOWCROKT 

Then  what's  the  matter.   Mouse? 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-1'OI,K 

I  don't  know,  I  suppose  I'm  just  rusting  out. 

SCOWCROFT 
Rusting? 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-FOLE 
You  either  keep  bright  or   rust.      I   don't   k'>;>   rri^lit. 


so  I  suppose  I  must  be  rusting. 
-C    9 


H  A  P  P I N  ESS 

SCOWCROFT 

Do  vou  go  out  much? 

MRS.     rHKYSTAI.-I'OI.K 
No. 

S(  OWCROKT 

Srr  inanv  people? 

MRS.     <  HRYST AL   I'Ol.F. 

No. 

M  <>\V<    HO!  T 

\\'liy  don't  \  e  "' 

MHS.     rilKYM'AI.    rol.I. 

()!:.  what's  tin  iiM-r  I'm  tired  of  tlu1  ''.''/  ones  and 
the  ri'-u-  ones  arc  impossible.  \\  hat  s  the  user 

SCOWCROKT 

^"oii   need   rousing. 

MRS.     CM  RVSTAI.-I'OI.E 

I    suppose    I   do. 

KCCMVC'ROFT 

H'-  nj>  and  doing.  Nothing  like  it.  Sets  the  blood 
rirrtil.iting  and  <-h  irs  the  1  Tain.  (to  out  more.  Meet 
p'-nplr.  l.\<r  £n  tii  the-  opera  now.' 

.MUV     (    H  HVS  I  A  I.- J'O  I.!' 

N  F  vf  r . 

BCOWCIOfT 

Wh      d^n't      r- 


H  A  P  P  I  N  E  S  S 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-I'OT.E 

I've  been. 

SCOWCROFT 

Go  again.      It  grows  on  you. 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL,-1'OI,E 

What  —  for  instance? 

SCOWCROFT 

Drop  in  the  Italian  nights. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAI,-rOI/E 

Italian  opera  is  done  to  death.  They  haven't  thought 
of  a  new  theme  in  fifty  years.  The  same  old  motifs  all 
over  again. 

SCOWCROFT 

I  love  'em.  I  never  miss  "  Rigoletto."  Thousands 
like  me.  The  house  is  always  packed.  [Sings  "  La 
Donne  c  Mobile."]  Ta  ta  t.i  lum  ti  turn. 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-rOLE 

[Closes  her  eyes.]      Don't. 

SCOWCROFT 

[Stops  singing.  Thinks.  Then  suddenly:]  You 
used  to  like  Wagner. 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-rOLE 

I  was  a  child  then.  One  grows  out  of  Wagner  as  one 
does  out  of  one's  clothes.  After  a  while  neither  fit.  I 
can't  bear  them  now.  Noisy  beasts.  They  scream  at 
you  until  you  can't  hear  them. 

•C  11  > 


H  A  PP  I  N  ESS 

SCOWCBOFT 

I  like  Vm  -     oner  n  yrnr.      Shikes  one  np. 

MRS.     rilRYSTAL-rOI.F. 

So  Hors  a  housc-rlraninp. 

RCOWfHOFT 

Wrll.  what  alxMit  the  th<vitrr  ? 

MRS.     CUKV.sT.M.-roi.K 
What  nhout  it  .' 

RCOWC'ROKT 

Do  you  t-\  <T  gn  ? 

MRS.     (    I!  K  V>  I   \  I  ~I'()!,K 
Nrx  e  r. 

SCOWCROKT 

YOU  us<  d  t». 


Mrts.    cit  m  s  i-  \  i    poi.r 

I  il'in't  .-inv  ni'Tc.  I  trite  IICIIIL:  imjiTornl.  I  d<  t<  st 
urul'.  irilinr.ss.  I  loithc  dis»-:is<-  WIiv  waste  CM-IMHIJS 
<u;t  of  -i  life  \vc  li\r  l.i;t  (>rii-<  ,  Mntfliilifj  />r;//i  uiulrr  tin- 
^uisr  >if  "  i:nj)ri»\-(  niiTit  "? 

.s(  o\\  <  itoi  r 
'I  hit's  trt;»v       'I'!,-  v  art-  :\  hit    r.irr   jiivt   now. 

.M  US.     <    ]{  KV>T  \  I.   POI.r. 

Vrry. 

M    O  \VCRO  FT 

^\!l'.    <l":i  t    \r   tr^ifl   tl.rii-      Th/it     ud   \<  ak^  you   up. 


II  A  P  P  I  N  E  S  S 

\ 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 

Would  it? 

SCOWCROFT 

Finest  thing  in  the  world. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLF. 

Where  ? 

SCOWCROFT 

How   about   Switzerland  ?      On   top   of   the   mountains. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLK 

They  make  me  dizzy. 

SCOWTROFT 

Oh!     Well,  the  Rhine,  then?      Up  one  day  and  down 
the  next.      Keep  on  the  move  all  the  time.      Eh? 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLF. 

I  detest  German  eooking. 

SCOWCROFT 

[Crestfallen.]      Do    ye?      [Brightens.]      Italy!     The 
wonderful  galleries. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLK 

I  can't  bear  their  railways  —  and  galleries  weary  me. 
Besides,  I've  seen  them. 

SCOWCROFT 

[Persevering.]      Well,  take  a  run  over  to  Paris. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLE 

[iS/i/trr*.]      Horrible!      Over-dressed   women   and   un- 
der-l  red  tourists. —  Oh,  no!      No  more  travelling. 

-C    13   > 


H  A  P  P I  N  ESS 

SCOWCROFT 

I  don't  know.  I  like  Paris  still.  [I. aught  am! 
chuckle*  to  himtrlf  us  oltl-timr  rrii'tnorit's  rvrirv.  Then 
he  proceeds  iii/nin  to  ijufstion  his  daughter.]  Head 
tutu  h  ? 

MRS.     CM  KYST AI.-l'OU. 

No. 

SCOWCROh  T 

You  usrd  to  love  it. 

MK>.     CMKYSTAl.-rOI.K 

I   don't   anv   more. 

RCOWCROKT 

Th.-it's  a  pitv.  Thi-ri-  -ire  soiin  "f  tlie  lii^yt'st  wrilrrs 
tod  iv  tin  r-  lia\c  r\cr  bc«-n.  I  read  'mi  all. 

M  i:  v    <  ii  icwr  \ !.  ro  i.i: 
I  or  instance? 

SCOWCROFT 

[  7ViiiiAr*.]  Well*!  Tin  re's  a  gn  at  chap.  A  good, 
solid  t!, inker. 

M  u>.    (ii  in  s  r  \  i.  foi  r 

Mi<  ri'-.-opic  ami  middl«'-rla»s.  He  ^ri\es  one  mental 
iiidi^'i  st  ion. 

s  <  ( i  \v  i  u  ( >  K  r 

\«  i  d"ii't  t.ll  me.  /  lind  l.iiu  verv  satisfactory.  D«» 
\-  hkr  Arnold  1!<  nn.  It  ; 


II  APPI  NESS 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-l'OLK 

Not  at  all.  He's  as  insular  as  the  people  in  an  Eng- 
lish omnibus. 

SCOWCROFT 

That  so?  Bright  and  original,  I'd  call  him.  Then 
there's  Galsworthy.  He  has  something  to  say. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLE 

He  looks  upon  himself  as  a  missionary.      lie  is  always 
—  apparently  —  trying  to  reform  something  that  hasn't 
existed   for  years.      He  is  most   irritating. 

SCOWCROFT 

[Despondently.]  Dear  me!  He  always  gives  vie 
something  to  think  about.  [Suddenly.]  Ah!  Shaw! 
Bernard  Shaw!  What  about  him? 

MRS.     CIIRYST.VL-POLE 

He  suggests  nothing  so  mueh  as  an  imitation  diamond. 
SCOWCROFT 

Diamond  ? 

MRS.     CHRYSTAT.-POT.K 

Imitation!  He  glitters  but  doesn't  stand  analysis. 
He  makes  one  so  sorry  for  the  dead  and  the  living  he 
is  borrowing  from.  They  put  things  so  much  better. 

SCO WC  HO  FT 

Don't  ye  find  him  amusing?     7  do. 
•C    13    > 


II  A  IM>  I  N  KSS 

Mil*.     <   HUY.s  I'AI.-I'OI.K 

I  suppose  it  is  amusing  to  find  .1  writer  editing  every- 
one eKe  under  tin-  mask  i)f  originality.  He  nmkcs  me 
furious,  j  1'tiuir. )  I  hate  reading.  Kspecially  novels. 

SC  OWCKOKT 

[  I.tntiflis  unrajtily.]      \ 'ou're  in  a  bad  way,  "  Moiise-v  "  ! 

MKS.    CM  i;  vs  r  \  i.  ro  i. K 

I)roj)  tl.r  "  \','  f.'ithrr,  plfivi  .  It  doesn't  suit  anv- 
lliin^.  "  Mtitixi-  "  is  bad  enough,  but  "  MUIIHS-II  "! 
At roeimis  ! 

S(   ()\Vt   KOI  T 

[Cheerfully.]       All    riu'lit.    dear.      Anything    to    ])le.-is,- 
\'<-.      \\  h\'   dun  t    you    -40    into   one   ol    the    "  ino\cnients 
.Match    \uiir    brain    \sith    others.       ^  e'r<    clfvrr   entuigh. 

M  its.   (ii  in  >  r  \  i.-i-o  i.r. 
I   dislike  ttilkinij         and    1   abhor  listrninff. 

.s('(i\vt  KOIT 

\\  ell,    then,    take    up    M  irn<  i  . 

.M  its.    (  if  m  s-|-  \  i.  1'di.r 

I  )on  t  '  HiMnpv  forrheails,  furrnxvfil  fares  and  spiv- 
tail.  s'  |), .n't! 

M  o\\  (  1:0  t  T 
1 1 1 1 1  n  1 1 !  i  '      (  i "  nut   in  tin     1 1  r  i  u  u  i  • ! ,  ' 

M  i:  s.    <  •  n  K  vs  r  \  i.  !•<>  i.r. 

NII.         I     i    i !  i  t     h '  .  i  r     \\ilLliiL:. 


H  A  I'  P  I  N  KSS 

SCOWCROHT 

Hide  horseback  ? 

MItS.     (   UKVSTAl.-rOLE 
Too  jolly. 

SCO  \VC  HO  FT 
(irt  an  automobile. 

MKS.     I   HKVsr  \t.-l'Ot,K 

I  have  our. 

BCinVCBOFT 

Use   it   much? 

MKS.     C1I  KYSTAI.-I'OI.K 

Never.      It's  so  monotonous.      If  one  goes  fast  enough 
everything  seems  the  same. 

SCOWCROFT 

You  used  to  jHintt.      Good  pictures,  too.  /  thought. 

MRS.     C1I  KYSTA  L-1'OI,K 

I   couldn't  draw  a   straight  line.  now. 
SCOWCROKT 

Well,  then,  write  something  ycrsclf. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-I'OLK 

No    one    could     read     it.      And     if    they     could,    they 


SCOWCROFT 

You  nerd  a  change.      Go  and  live  in  the  country. 


1 1  A  IM'  I  N  K  S  S 

MKS.     CUKYST  U.-I'OI.K 

Too  hot  in  tin*  sutnincr  and  too  cold  in  the  winter. 
And  flu-  insects!  The  town's  bad  enough -- hut  the 
eountrv  —  unl>«  nrnhle. 

SCmv<  'ROKT 
\<-  e<Mild   grow   flowers         and   things. 

M  us.    CMKVST  \  i.-  roi.r 

I  low-rs  make  me  ill.  Thev  always  remind  me  of  a 
sick-room  (>r  a  stupid  opera.  Senseless  things. 

SCOWCROKT 

'/),'jr,-t,;l!,f.}       Oh! 

Mlts.     <    HKVST  A  I.    I-OI.I. 

'  I.ookx   up  at   him.]       NO.   fathi-r!      F 'in   afrai(J   there's 


S(  OWCHOKT 

I  vcr   tl.ink   of   marrvin'   again.' 

M  it  v    riiUVsTAI.-poi.r 
(>"',(!   heavens',   ri".'      I've   tried   it.      Nothing  in   it. 

M  •  o  \\  <  it ( >  i  T 
V.ui   t;s,-d   (,,   love    Mark. 

MHs.     (    n  n  ys  T.\  I.-1'OI.r. 
D.d     I  ' 

nnrr 


II  A  P  P  I  N  E  S  S 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 

I  suppose  I  did. —  At  first.  And  aftencards  —  when 
he  was  away.  Poor  Mark !  He  was  always  trying  to 
make  jokes.  Such  bad  ones,  too.  Why  do  some  men 
think  it  their  sole  duty  to  try  and  amuse  us?  So  many 
husbands  remind  me  of  the  clown  in  a  child's  circus. 
They  must  be  funny  at  all  costs.  It  makes  life  so 
pathetic,  doesn't  it? 

SCOWCROFT 

I  don't  know.  I  make  a  few  myself  once  in  a  while. 
I  like  cheerfulness.  Yer  mother  laughs, —  sometimes. 
Arc  ye  goin'  to  live  on  here? 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 

I  suppose  so. 

SCOWCROFT 

How  long? 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 

I  haven't  the  least  idea.  Until  something  happens,  I 
suppose. 

SCOWCROFT 
Something  happen?     What  could  happen? 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 

That's  it.  What?  Nothing  could  make  life  worth 
while  now  —  except  a  miracle.  And  the  age  of  miracles 
is  past,  isn't  it? 

•C  «  3- 


HAP  T I  N  ESS 

S(  •<) \VCKO KT 

[Change*  hit  :«.7io/e  manner;  takes  her  hand  and  pats 
i/.j  Sorrv,  "  Mouse."  I  \ c  done  nil  /  could,  haven't  I." 

MK*.     CHRYSTAL-POLK 
Have    you? 

SCOWCROFT 
Yes.      Hoth  your  mother   run!    I    have.      Ever  since  ye 

were   a    hahy. 

MRS.     <   HHY.STAI.-rol.F. 

I  suppose  so.  1  ed  me  and  dressed  me  and  h.id  me 
tnugfit  and  th-'ii  married  me  oil".  \\'hat  more  can 
parents  do? 

M o\v<  lt()KT 
1   don't  know  of  nnythini;  more  ;t •<•  eojild  have  done. 

M  H.>.     (    II  H\  >•]•  \  I.    I'OI.i: 

It  s  a  wonderful  life  fur  a  \vomin  to  he  horn  of 
</'""/,  ri(h  jiareiits.  isn't  it"  Kverv  tiling  done  for  her. 

M  o\v(  uorr 

It  u  is  fur  \ou.  Anythinjf  to  make  you  happy. 
1  hat's  all  we  eared  for. 

Mi:-.    (H  it  VST  \  i.  p(i  i.r 

And  ul.al's  the  result'  Hire  I  am.  -m  unliappy, 
tlT'cl,  tit*!  UUIIMII  "f  twe|it\-  se\en.  The  poorest  tfirl  il^ 
thi-.  eitv  is  happier  thin  I  nil. 

N>  »\\  i  not  r 
Ar<-    \  c   r«     r  '.u  Ion'   IM  ; 


II  A  !'  P  I  \  KSS 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 

No,  father,  I'm  not.  You  had  your  lifr  to  live. 
You've  lived  it.  You've  worked  hard.  You've  suc- 
ceeded. But.  oh,  how  often  I've  seen  the  children  of 
hard-working,  successful  men  come  into  the  world  old 
and  careworn  and  disillusioned.  The  parents  had  put 
their  best  into  their  lives.  Then  the  child  came  along, 
tired  of  the  struggle  before  beginning.  Comfort  de- 
stroys the  incentive  to  effort.  Those  who  have  never 
known  poverty  have,  sometimes,  but  little  sympathy  with 
the  poor.  The  selfish  don't  know  pity.  I  don't.  Too 
much  has  been  given  me  —  too  much  done  for  me.  It's 
a  curious,  sordid,  world-weary  life  to  the  child  of  the 
undeveloped  rich. 

SCOWCROFT 

I  don't  know  that  I've  been  particularly  selfish.  I've 
given  to  the  poor. 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLK 

But  you've  never  lived  among  them. 

SCOWCROFT 

[Indifjnantli/.]  Lived  with  them?  I  should  think 
not.  I  worked  hard  all  my  life  so  that  I  wouldn't  have 
to. 

MRS.     C  ITU  YSTAT,- POLK 

It  might  have  been  better  for  us  —  for  me  perhaps  — 

if  we  had.      Sometimes  I've  looked  from  the  window  of 

our  ear  and  envied  a  little  group  of  bright-eyed,  pinched- 

faccd    working    girls,    laughing    in    the    streets    in    their 

•C   21    > 


H  A  P  P  I  N  KSS 

luneh-hour.  The  world  is  all  before  them.  It  has  a 
M  nsr  of  nivstery.  It's  never  line!  any  for  me.  [Sifjhs.] 
Win-re  will  it  nil  end"'  [The  telephone  hell  rings.] 
Pon't  po.  father.  j  Mil*.  POI.K  ffoet  to  the  telephone, 
takes  off  thr  rrcrirer.]  Well?  [Pause.]  Yes. 
[Pause.]  Yes, —  I'm  at  the  'phone.  [Pause.]  Who? 
[Pantf.]  Spell  it.  [Pause.  Spells  it  aloud  and  icrites 
the  name  on  the  telephone-pad.]  C-h-a-n-d-o-s.  Oh, 
yes.  T'  11  him  to  eome  up.  [  Hnniji  up  receiver  and  <joes 
to  Scowc'noKT.]  I'hilip  Ch.indos.  Remember  him? 

HCOWOROFT 

Old   Silas  C 'handos's  son.' 

Mlt>.     (    H'.tYSTAI.-I'OLF. 
Y' s.      Another   of    UK. 

SCOWCROFT 

How? 

MIlS.     CHKYSTAL-I'OI.K 

Mis  father  bought  sntnethintr,  or  invented  something, 
or  found  soiiH'thinj;  in  the  Around  t!  at  didn't  belong  to 
him,  and  in  ule  a  fortune.  Then  In-  brought  Philip  into 
thr  world. 

s<  o\\  cHorr 

F  r'-ii"-nilx-r  Phil  wh«-n  he  u  as  a  b<i\-.  A  very  bright 
Ind 

M  ic>.    <  inn  s  r  \  i.  rn  i.r 
\\  nt   }'.<•'       Look    at    him    r'<;r. 


II  A  P  P  I  N  E  S  S 

SCOWCROFT 


Now? 


MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POI.F, 

Walking  about  until  the  end  comes, —  doing  nothing 
worth  while. 

SCOWCROFT 

Well,  he  ought  to  be  ashamed  of  himself.  His  father 
worked  hard  enough. 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POT/E 

Too  hard.  That's  the  pity.  He  cursed  his  son  with 
a  fortune,  so  there's  no  need  for  Phil  to  work.  He  just 
drifts  along.  One  of  us. 

SCOWCROFT 

You  put  it  all  on  the  fathers,  eh? 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 

A  great  deal. 

SCOWCROFT 
I  am  sorry  I  came  now. 

MRS.    CHRY.STAL-POLE 

Don't  say  that. 

SCOWCROFT 

I  came  in  all  good-nature  and  cheerfulness.  Now  I 
feel  as  if  I'd  been  to  a  funeral.  Ye've  taken  all  the 
life  out  of  me.  [Goes  let-card  ihc  door.'] 

•f    2"    "*- 


H  A  P  P  I  N  E  S  S 

MKS.     CHnVSTAl.-rOI.F. 

Won't  you  stav  a  little  longer  r  Mr.  C'handos  is  com- 
ing up. 

BCOWCROFT 

No.  I  don't  want  to  meet  him.  If  money,  care  and 
Im  -r  have  done  this  for  you,  I'd  rather  not  have  made 
anything.  You've  made  me  thoroughly  miserable. 

MRS.     CHUYSTAL-POI.K 

I  make  everyone  miserable  who  comes  near  me.  father. 

SrOWCKOFT 

\Stin<:s  tiT'-r  hi-r,  looking  do:cn  at  her  gloomily.] 
HI>W  is  it  -ill  going  to  end?  I  ,im  afraid  for  ve. 

MHS.     C'H  UVSTAI,    TO  I.I' 

'111'  n-  was  a  time  \vlicn  I  was  afraid  for  myself.  I 
<i"M  t  eare  nnw. 

[I'.nl'-r  I'liiiii-  (  H  \MIOS.  a  tirr/l,  icorn-lonkinrf  man  of 
tfiirt  i/  !•:••.  ll<-  ;v  scrupulously  ilrcssfil,  and  Jiax  tlir- 
I'liinrni  af  (i  man  of  culture  <nnl  tirrrtliiifj.  lie  is 
I  nri-il  in  yi/intt'-r  <uul  flixill  nxiojird  hi  ntltlnnk.  1  1  r 
f>n:,\  f/rnrfli/  an,  I  courtrnuxl  if  t»  Nln-.  I'oir:  looki  in- 
f/«ir;'«'//v  at  Si  o\\i  IIIIIT;  th<  n  '/.vv.s  hint  ii  fnint  i/lancr 
of  r>-  .  <>'in  itinn.  ' 


Mr.  Smwcroft  - 

M   (l\\  (    III  I  I  T 


HAPPINESS 

CHANDOS 

Yes.      {They  shake  hands.] 

SCOWCROFT 
Yer  father  and  I  were  old  friends. 

CHANDOS 

I  know. 

SCOWCROFT 
Years  ago. 

CHANDOS 

It  must  have  been.     He's  dead  twenty. 

SCOWCROFT 

No,  sir,  ten. 

CHANDOS 

Is  that  all?      It  seems  twenty.  - 

SCOWCROFT 

One  of  the  finest  men  of  his  day. 

CHANDOS 

So  they  tell  me. 

SCOWCROVT 

What  do  you  mean  — •"  So  they  tell  you  "? 

CHANDOS 

Oh,  several  people  speak  nicely  of  him. 

SCOWCROFT 

Well5 


HAPPINESS 

r HANDOS 

They  didn't  have  to  life  with  him.      7  did. 

SCOWCHOFT 

[Strrnly.]  It  would  he  a  good  thing  for  you  if  ye 
were  more  like  him. 

(HANDOS 

Think  so? 

6COWCROFT 
Yes,   I   do. 

CHAN DOS 

I     don't.      [Crottfs    to     MHK.     POLE    and    greets     her 

HCOWCHOFT 

Your  father  left  his  mark  on  his  time,  Mr.  Philip 
( 'handos. 

en AN DOS 

I  know  he  did.  He  /)/<•</  his  time  for  all  he  could 
make  out  of  it. 

sro\v(  ROI  T 
}"('«   ought   not   to   kick.      He   left   you   pretty   well  oil'. 

(HANDOS 

I  don't  kirk  about  that.  Hut  if  mv  father  were  nlivr 
todav  arid  practiced  tin-  same  methods  he  did  in  "his 
time,"  },t-  would  di«-  in  th<-  penitentiary.  I've  lived  on 


HAPPINESS 

SCO  WC  RO  FT 

That's  a  nice  way  to  speak  of  one  of  the  most  re- 
spected men  in  his  country. 

CHANDO8 

I  didn't  mean  to  be  nice.  I'm  carrying  his  burden,  and 
hundreds  like  me.  My  father  profited  by  his  roguery, 
then  he  married  and  brought  me  into  the  world  nrul  had 
all  the  glory  of  being  my  father.  I  have  all  the  reproach 
of  being  his  son.  And  I  suffer  every  day  of  my  life 
because  he  made  a  disreputable  fortune,  left  it  lo  me  — 
and  nothing  else. 

SCOWCROFT 

You're  a  fine  son. 

CHANDO8 

Am  I?  I  don't  think  so.  At  least,  I  don't  pretend 
to  be.  He  always  posed  as  a  good  father — and  he  got 
away  with  it. 

SCOWCROFT 

Well,  I'm  -  -!  [Breaks  off.]  Oh,  there's  no  en- 
couragement today  in  bringing  children  into  the  world. 

CHAN DOS 

I  know  there  isn't.  That's  why  so  many  have  given 
up  doing  it. 

SCOWCROFT 

I  Furiously.]      Bah! 


11  AP  I'  I  N  KSS 

CHAXDO8 

I  Quietly.]      Just     so.       [  Turnt     hit     back     on     Scow- 
i  KorT.  j 

SC'OWCROFT 
[To   MKS.    POLK.]      Good-bye. 

MKS.     CllKY.s  TAL-l'OLK 

Good-bye,  fatlirr. 

Kl'OWCKOFT 

I   don't  know  what's  the  matter  with  young  people  to- 
il a  v. 

MKS.     CHRYST.U.-I'O  I.K 

The  trouble  is  they're  nut  yoiinir.  father.      They  never 
have  been.      Thev  re  lorn  nlil. 

M  ()\\ TKO  I'T 

[ScuiL-limi    nt    Mus.    Pui.i:    mid    CilANDOB.]       You're    n 
tiiH    pair  <>f  sjieciiiMiis  ! 

MKS.     (II  KVS'I'A  I--  I'O  I.K 
[.Snii/cji   sadly    up   tit    litni.i       Aren  t    we.' 

S(   ()\V(    ItO  1  T 

I'm  f^l  id   vour  mother  didn't  rome. 

Mit>.    (it  n  vs  r  \  i.  j'O  u: 
,  (jiiict! y.  ]       So   am    I . 

sc  »\\'(  Hi  1 1  T 

(ii.,t     to     JIM/;,     turn*     <in<l     ^"inti     ti     ClI\M)o«.     ml- 
..';  i  »*.  'i./     N!ii-      I'm  t  I     b    i\  e    /(/  ;/i    t,  i    \  on. 


HAPPINESS 

MRS.    <  HRYSTAL-POLE 

As  a  legacy,  father? 

SCOWCROFT 

[Angrily.]      Unli!      [  Goes  out  of  the  room.] 

CHAN DOS 

[After    (i    pause    looks    at     MRS.    POLE.      They    both 
latif/h.]      He  seems  nngry. 

MRS.     CHRVSTAI.-POLE 

He  is.     About  us.      lie  doesn't  approve  of  us. 

CHAXDOS 

\lVith  a  comprehensive  r/esturc.]      Oh!      The  last  gen- 
eration! 

.MRS.     CHUYSTAT,-rOLE 

Rather  tough  on   the   present,  isn't  it? 

CHANDOS 

Very.      [Sighs    and   -.calks    a~cay,   dejectedly.] 

MRS.     CIIRYSTAL-rOLE 

[Watching  /;??».]      What's  the  trouble? 

fit  AN  DOS 

I'd  like  a  chat.      You  understand   things. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAT.-POLE 

Bothered  ? 

CIIAKDOS 

A  bit. 

•C    "29    > 


I!  A  P  1'  I  N  ESS 

MBS.     C'HRY.STAL-rOLK 

All  right.      I.rt  us  talk. 

C1IAXDO8 

[Silt  on  couch,  near  her.]      I   was  in  court  todav. 

MIlS.     (.•HRYSTAL.-J'OIJO 

Yes  ? 

CHAXDOS 

I'm  free. 

MKS.     C  HKYSTAI.-roUE 

Oh. 

C  'HAN  DOS 

There  was   no  u.se  dragging  on. 

MHs.     CHin.sT.U.-rOI.E 

Of  course  not. 

t  HAN DOS 

She  would  never  h.'i\e  j;ot   rid  of  inc.      So  7  had  to  get 
rid  of  hrr. 

M  H^.    (n  K\>T  \  i,-  ro  i.r. 

I    s  e  r . 

I    If  AMHI.s 
\\  r- -tclu   I   inrss  i-f  Ihin-s.  i,n't   it  "' 

M  i:  ^.    (inn  s  i'  vi    ro  i.r 
(  )>'.    I    .1  'ii  t   know.       Y"U   .MII    sl.ir!    :ifr--sli. 


II  AT  P  I  N  F,  SS 

CHANDOS 

Ob,  no.  Oner  is  rnougli.  [Thinks  for  a  moment: 
thi'ii  sinhs  hearilu.}  Lord!  When  vc  look  back!  Re- 

%J  *.'     J  » 

member  the  wcddin'? 

MRS.    CHKYSTAL-rOLE 

Distinctly. 

CHANDOS 

Pretty  bride,  wasn't  she? 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POI.E 

I  thought  so. 

CHANDOS 

I  wasn't  so  bad,  then.      [With  a  little  half-smile.] 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 

You  looked  like  a  boy. 

CHANDOS 

And  ray  old  dad!  All  over  the  place!  Proud  as  n 
peacock!  Strutting  about!  [Pause.]  Ciod  Almighty! 
Makes  one  seem  a  hundred.  [Pause.]  What  a  mu-k  of 
things.  [1'ause.]  Had  the  ball  at  my  feet  then,  hadn't 
I?  [Pause.]  Now  here  I  am  —  back  where  I  was. 
[Pause.]  What  a  mess! 

MRS.    cu  uvs r  \i,-roi,i; 
We've  both  mashed  it  up,  haven't  we? 

CHAN DOS 

Rather. 


H  A  P  P  1  X  K  S  S 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-rOLE 

What'll  you  do? 

CHAN DOS 

I)on't  know. 

MHS.     riIKVSTAI,-POLK 
(  io    away  .' 

CHAN DOS 

Think  not. 

MRS.     (   IIUYSTAI,-rOI,E 

Stnv  around ': 

CHAXDOS 

I  siippnsr  si>.  I)odj;r  the  cluhs  for  n  \r\\i\c  and  avoid 
the  restaurants.  People  for^rt.  Other  scandals  roine 
alon^  nnd  j>i:sh  your  own  out.  Everybody  forgets  every- 
thing, if  ve  uive  'em  time.  \  I'a»sf.]  Then  I'll  blossom 
out  some  day  u  hen  it's  all  over.  [7'ar/Jr.l  After  all. 
it's  ju-t  .1  milestone.  A  bit  of  life  chopped  oil.  A  few 
more  dead  vears  to  look  back  on.  An  infmitv  of  dreary 
on-  *.  to  look  forward  to. 

M  Its.     (    ||  It  >  s T A  I.    I'O  1. 1 

I    kn..w   th  it    feelinir.       I'\e   had   it    often. 
(  M  \  MKI.S 


II  A  P  P  I  N  ESS 

CHAXDOS 

What  do  you  do  ? 

MRS.     CHHYSTAL-POLE 

Nothing.      Just  let  it  have  its  own  way. 

CHAXDOS 

So  do  I.      Then  I  start  off  huntin'  again* 

MHS.     CHRYSTAL-POLE 

For  what? 

CHAXDOS 

Happiness. 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-rOLE 

Do  you  ever  Hnd  it  ? 

CHAXDOS 

I  haven't  so  far. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLE 

Do  you  hope  to? 

CHAXDOS 

Sometimes  —  when      the      mornin's      bright.      I      get 
spasms  of  optimism  now  and  again. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLE 

I   envy  you. 

CHAXDOS 

I    haven't   had   one    for   a    long   time.      It's   about   due. 
Maybe  tomorrow  —  if  the  sun  is  shinin'. 
•       33 


II  A  T  I'  I  N  ESS 

MRS.     rilRYSTAI.-I'OI.K 

I  don't  remember  one  since  I    was  a  girl. 

CHAN DOS 

That  s..:- 

MKS.     <   HUYSTAL-l'OLK 

After  all,  what  is  this  thing  we  call  life?  What  does 
it  mean  to  us  who  an-  supposed  to  have  everything  we 
want?  One  grey  day  after  another.  We  start  afresh 
every  morning  with  a  round  of  empty,  futile  occupations. 
At  night  \ve  go  to  .••  n-stlis-,  sleep --  with  nothing  ac- 
complished. Wliat  is  our  one  ambition?  What  arc  we 
all  striving  for?  To  kill  time. 

CHANDOS 

Well,  we  have  one.  consolation.      If  trr  don't  succeed  — 
tinir   will  —  in   killing  us. 

MRS.     CHUYSTA  I.-1'OI.K 

That's  about  all  there  is  to  look  forward  to.  We're 
a  useless  lot,  Phil. 


I   know  /  am. 

MRS.     (   II  R  YsT  \  I.-I'O  I.r 
Take  my  case;  mv  father's  worked  all  his  life  -- 

(    HAN  IMJS 

So  did  mine. 

Mils,     i    H  K'i  sTAI.-  I'D  I.I. 
M '.    m"'!i'T  -i    in  \  i  r  d>iiii-   aiivthmg. 


H  A  P  P  I  N  E  S  S 

CHAXDOS 


Nor  did  mine. 


MRS.     <:  Hll YSTAL- POLE 

Both  arc  of  the  earth.  What  was  my  upbringing? 
Everything  done  for  me  by  servants.  I  used  to  see  my 
parents  a  few  minutes  a  day.  Then  they'd  be  too  tired 
to  give  me  any  attention.  Just  caresses  that  meant 
nothing.  My  father  passed  his  life  making  money.  My 
mother  spending  it.  The  only  people  who  visited  us 
were  greedy,  grasping,  hard-headed  business  men,  or 
foolish,  stupid,  chattering  idiots.  As  I  grew  older,  any- 
thing I  wanted  I  was  given  without  question  or  restraint. 
Everything  came  to  me  without  an  effort.  Think  of  my 
girlhood.  I  liked  music.  I  was  taken  to  concerts  and 
recitals  and  operas  until  I  was  weary  of  them.  The 
theatre !  I  went  until  I  knew  every  trick.  All  the  illu- 
sions went.  1  wanted  to  travel.  By  twenty-one  I  had 
been  dragged  all  over  Europe  until  the  screech  of  a 
train  or  the  scream  of  a  ship's  horn  disgusted  me.  I  was 
the  lucky  one  of  fortune.  I  craved  for  money.  A  re- 
lation died  and  left  me  an  independence.  Everything 
I've  longed  for  I've  had.  And  always  without  a  strug- 
gle !  And  everything  has  disappointed  me.  At  twenty- 
three  I  married.  Hunted  happiness  again.  Hr-  was  the 
catch  of  the  year.  My  luck  seemed  to  hold  good.  In 
three  months  I  loathed  him.  A  year  ago  —  or  less  — 
he  died.  For  a  while  I  breathed  freely.  Now  I  am  once 
more  on  the  hunt  —  as  ou  are. 


H  A  P  P  I  N  E  S  S 

(HAN DOS 

And  I'm  a  shookin'  l>nd  hunter. 

MKS.     ritRYSTAI.-I'OI.E 

So  .1111  I.      Tlic  quarry  eludes  mi*  just  as  I  try  to  trr.i 
it.      \Hoth  sigh,  then  look  at  each  other  and  lau'jh.\ 

CHAN nos 
Y<ujr  father  is  ritrlit.      We're  n  fnir  p.-iir. 

MRS.     rURYSTAI.-I'OLK 

[Rises  and  walki  about.} 

CIIAXDOS 

Anv  plans  tonight? 

MKS.     riCRYSTAL-I'OLK 
No. 

CITANDOS 
I.ct  s  un  somewljfrr .' 

MIO.     (II  KYSTA  I.-I'OI.K 

St.-iy  hi  re.  i  f  you  like. 

<    1!  A  M)(IS 

Too  n-stl'-vs  for  tint.       I.<-t  us  yo  and  watrh  the  othe 
Morryiri'.      Take  our   minds  oti'  oursehes. 

MR>.     CH  K  VsT  AT,   I'OLP. 
IVhrr,'? 

^   HAN  DOS 
I   doi;'t   nf.       An      of  fn. 


II  APP  I  NESS 

MRS.    CHKYSTAI.-J'OLE 

I  thought  you  didn't  want  to  be  seen? 

CHAN DOS 

Doesn't   matter   tonight.      I'll   look    'cm   over   for   the 
lust  time  —  for  a  while. 

MRS.     CHHYSTAL-I'OLE 

All  right. 

CIIAXDOS 

Kind  of  farewell  dinner,  eh? 

MRS.     CHKYSTAL-1'OJ.E 

Yes. 

CHAN DOS 

I'll  go  round  and  dress  and   come  baek  and  call   for 


MRS.    CHRYSTAL-rOLE 

I'll  be  ready.  [Telephone  ritujs.  Takes  up  receiver-] 
Hello.  [Pause.]  Yes.  [Pause.]  What  is  it?  [Pause.] 
Oh!  Send  them  up.  [Hangs  up  receiver.  Looks  up 
smilingly  at  CHAXDOS.]  This  is  really  an  event. 

CHAN DOS 

Oh? 

MRS.     CIIRYSTAL-l'OLE 

A  new  dress. 

CIIAXDOS 

From  Paris? 


II  A  I'  T  I  N  KSS 

MHS.     CII  KYs TAI.-J'OI.K 

[Shuiidr rs.}  (low!  heavens,  no!  Tin-  dresses  they 
send  us  are  onlv  worn  by  locotti't  in  France.  This  is 
an  experiment  with  a  nric  dressmaker.  If  it's  a  success, 
I'll  wear  it  tonight. 

CHAN DOS 

Do.     Your  eves  arc  brighter, 

M  US.     ( '  II  K  V  S  T  A  L-  TO  LK 
.Ire  they? 

CHANDOS 

And  there's  a  glc-iiu  of  color  in  your  face. 

MHS.     CHUVS  TAI.-l'OLi: 

Yes  ? 

<   II  AN  DOS 

Excited? 

MRS.     ClIItV.STA  I. -POM'. 
Almost. 

(II  AN  DOS 

Splendid.      {I'ausi-.}       I   wish  /  could  get  a  thrill. 

M  It^.     CM  It  VsT  \  I.-I'O  II. 

I    s:i:<l    it    was   an   rrv  n  t . 

CM  A  M.OS 

Ynu'rr    lucky. 

V  US.     CM  I'.  Y>T  \  I.    I'd  I  1 

1'nncv,  f«-»-liiij;  -\  it<\\  dr-s>  hiii-.       7V)Mc/iri  /irr 


II  A  P  I»  I  N  E  S  S 

CHAXDOS 

[AW*.]      I  know. 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 

Significant,  isn't  it? 

CHAXDOS 

Yes. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLE 

'[Smiles.']      We  are  a  fine  pair. 

CHAXDOS 

[Goes  to  door.]      About  half  an  hour? 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 

Heaps  of  time. 

CHAXDOS 

I  hope  it  will  be  a  success. 

MRS.     CHUYSTAL-POLE 

So  do  T. 

C  II  AX  DOS 

Round  off  the  evening,  won't  it? 

MRS.     CIIRYSTAL-POLE 

Yes.      [Knock  on  the  door.] 

[CHAXDOS  opens  it  and  admits  JEXXY.  a  shop-girl, 
carrying  tico  large  hoses,  one  containing  a  dress  and 
the  other  a  Jiat.  She  is  a  small,  thin,  shabby  girl  of 
nineteen  tcith  keen  bright  eyex,  a  (jui-'t,  rapid  deliv- 
ery and  a  whole-hearted,  healthy,  exuberant  manner.] 
-C  39  >  ^ 


II  A  P  P  I  X  ESS 

.1  KNXY 

[Looking  up  at  CilANDOS.]      Mrs.  Chrystal-Polc? 

CHAXDOS 

[Indicates   Mas.    POI.K.] 

JF.XXY 

[Plumps  tfii-  parcels  doicn.\      Bn  akin'  both  my  arms. 

(   H  AN' DOS 
Half  an  hour.       [doing  out.~\ 

MKS.     (   HKYSTAI.-I'OI.K 
Like   to  look    'it    tin  m: 

(HANDOS 

[In  door-.i-ai/.]       Vot   now.       I'll   wait  and   M-<    tlicin  on 
you.      It   ram/  IT  -in  cvi-nt   for  inc.       [does  out."} 


KNNV  stunt!*  ..-ultiii'i  fur  instructions,  hands  on  Jiips, 
halancitui  nn  <ia<-  fnnt,  in  the  attituJr  ttf  unc  ;«.7io  hat 
t.t  stand  all  <lt:ij. 


yvr  \  l.-i'Ol.r 

()]><-ri     tlinu    out.       I'll     call     you     \\lnn     I     want    you. 
[din'i   iist'i   thi'   o'.htT   rmirn. 

[.TKNNV  undot't  tin-  liiindlrs,  hinnmimi  •  ttioruusli/  (ill  thr 
tun,  .  Mi,-  t.:Lt-s  th<  hat  nut  /:>.»/  .;'.-/  !<>»!.  v  ,tt  it  n'lth 
11  '/ttiji  "f  H"/.  Tlfn  she  tnki-.\  uut  lh>-  dr<\t<t.  ,S'/'i/- 
ftiirrt  tit  it  :.;,'/i  •.<!«//•  (>}>rji  ft/rs.  Sin'  thinks  a  n<> 
mrnt,  tlun  listen*  intently  —  makrs  itji  hi  r  mini!, 
thrn-.i.  i  n'f  her  jacket  nnJ  \!ij>s  ttr-  Jrrss  en.  .S/ir 


HAPPINESS 

laughs  gleefully,  whips  off  her  hat  and  puts  on  the 
new  one  and  runs  to  the  mirror  to  tee  her  reflection. 
MHS.  POI.K  comes  in  quietly  behind  her  and  stands 
looking  at  her.  .!KNSY  sees  Mns.  POI.K  in  the  mirror; 
she  looks  at  her  in  horror,  then  turns  guiltily,  snatches 
off  the  hat  and  begins  struggling  to  get  out  of  the 
dress.] 

JENNY 

[Huskily.]      I  beg  your  pardon,  lady. 

MRS.    CHRYSTAI/-POLE 

How  dare  you  put  those  things  on? 

JENNY 

I  just  couldn't  help  it.  I'd  never  had  a  four-hundred- 
dollar  dress  on  me  back  before,  or  a  hundred-dollar  hat 
on  me  head.  I  just  couldn't  help  it. 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 
Take  them  back.      I  don't  want  them. 

JENNY 

\Gires  a  little  gasp.]  Oh!  [Piteously.]  Don't  do 
that.  lady.  Please  don't  do  that.  They'd  turn  me 
away. 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-rOLE 

Take  them  back.  [Goes  to  table,  sits  and  writes  a 
letter.] 

[JENNY  watches  her;  her  lips  quivering,  her  eyes  filling. 
She  struggles  out  of  the  dress,  folds  it  and  begins   to 

' 


H APP I  NESS 

put  it  back-  in  (he  box.  Shf  it  crying  quietly.  Sud- 
denly a  sol>  escapes  her.  MHS.  POLE  turnt  and  looks 
at  her.  JKXXY  icipes  her  eyes  stealthily  icith  the 
hack-  of  her  hand.  She  puts  the  hat  in  the  box  and 
bttjint  to  corfr  it  icith  the  lid.  MRS.  POLE  iralks 
oter  in  her  and  stands  looking  doicn  at  her.  JKX.NV 
shrinks  doicn  and  loiceri  her  eyeg.] 

j  i :  x  x  v 

I  know  I  oughtn't  to  have  dour  it.  [.S'o/>.|  f'nuldu't 
yr  let  inr  of!'  this  one*-.'  [  Soh. '  I'll  ri(\<r  do  such  a 
thine  .'ifiin.  '  Soh.  1  Krally  I  won't.  (  Sob.  1  Couldn't 
yr  -  1(  t  me  off  —  this  —  onc<-  ladv? 

MUS.   CHRYST.M.-POM; 
dive  it  inc. 

JK.XXY 

\IIurrireIly  tal'ex  out  I  In-  lint  and  hands  it  to  MIIS. 
PHI.K.  .S7ic  is  hal f -laughing t  half-crying.]  Oli,  thank 
vc,  ladv.  Thank  vr. 

[.MH-.    I'OI.K    takes   (hi    Lat ,   ifocx    to   the    mirror  nn<i  puts 
it    on.  ] 

.)  l  N  X  V 

\dlerfulltf  tuL'c*  i/ut  the  dri'ss,  snntjiinr/  Ixicl;  her  Irnrs 
mul  chuckling  -,<ith  relief.  Shi-  qocs  to  Mi:<.  I'oi  r  and 
stands  looking  at  !irr,  trotith  open,  rt/'-.t  fixed  soulful '  t/ 
an  thf  hnt.\  M  v  !  It's  it'v  wondrrftil  '  (>n  you! 

MHs.     (   HHYSTAI.-POI.K 

It'*   tno  long  tliis  .sid'*. 


HAPPINESS 

JENNY 

[Quickly. ~\  Do  ye  think  so?  It  suits  your  long  style. 
Anyone  can  wear  them  skimpy  ones.  Very  few  ladies 
could  wear  that.  [1'anse.  Then  in  a  tone  of  aiccd  ad- 
miration.] I  think  it's  wonderful. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POr.F, 

[A  little  more  interested.}      Rather  becoming. 

JENNY 
It's  a  dream  —  /  think. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAI.-rOLK 

Bring  the  dress  in  here.  [Goes  out,  leaving  the  door 
open.] 

JENNY 

[Gathers  the  dress  up  and  follows  her  out.]  I  don't 
know  what  came  over  me,  presumin'  to  put  that  on.  It 
just  seemed  to  scream  out  at  me  "  Try  it!"  I'm  so 
sorry,  lady. 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-rOLE 

That  will  do. 

JENNY 

Yes,  lady,  and  thank  ye.  There  we  are.  Step  into 
it.  The  right  foot.  Now  the  left.  That's  it.  Say. 
it's  a  wonder.  I  forgot  the  chiffon.  [Hurries  back  into 
the  room,  snuffling  and  trying  to  sing.  She  takes  the 
chiffon  from  the  fable  and  her  handkerchief  from  the 
pocket  of  her  jacket  and  goes  back,  iciping  her  eyes.] 

43 


H  A  I'  P  I  N  F.  SS 

MRS.     C  HUYSTAI.-l'OLE 

I'll  £0  in  tlir  next  room.      There's  more  light  in  there 
—  mid   the   glns.s   is   bigger. 

[  7'/i' v  Ixith  cnmr  back  into  the  room.  Mus.  POLE  hit 
thi-  drrss  an  and  stands  in  front  of  the  mirror  ichilr 
.IKNNV  hooks  it  up.] 

JKNNV 

Looks  as  if  yr  was  poured  into  it.      Say,  it  i*  swell. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-rOLE 

[Severely.]      Please  don't  talk. 

.J  I .  N  N  V 

N<>,  ladv  !      [Proceeds  to  Inttton   the  dress.] 

M  US.     (U  RYSTA  I.   I'OI.K 

Takr  car<\      ^  ou'r<    pinching  in<-. 

.!  KNNV 

Only    iiu-    fiiiLrer-.    in    tin-    wa\  .       (  hiinsv  !       [  MH«.    Poi.r 
t/in-x  a  <  r//.  1       It's  uot   to  lit  ti^ht. 

M  !(->.    <  n  H  }  si  \  i.  po  i, |-. 
I'll   finiih   it   iii\srll'. 

.1  I  NNV 

All    ri^'li'.    lady.       '  n'nlkx    round    Mn-.    Pol  K.    In., kin. i 
nt  thr  tirrs.i.}       It   iv  i  inc.  .'iin  t   it' 

MK>.     CUR  VM  A  I,-I'()I.l 
>'rrTfl   thr   tr'iin. 


II  A  1'  P  I  N  K  S  S 

JENNY 

Yes,  lady.  [Kneels  doicn  and  spreads  the  train  out.] 
I'm  glad  the  trains  arc  com  in"  back.  Makes  the  big 
ones  ever  so  tall,  and  gives  the  little  ones  height.  That's 
about  it.  [  liiscs,  ami  stands  back,  hands  on  hips,  look- 
ing at  the  effect.]  My !  You  do  look  like  a  queen. 
You'll  just  drive  'em  cra/.y,  that's  what  yc'll  do. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-l'OLK 

Tell  your  employers  on  the  whole  I  am  pleased. 

J  F.NNY 

Sure,  I  will.  They'll  be,  too.  Everybody  worried 
over  it.  It's  a  dandy  eolour.  Say,  d'ye  know  what  it 
wants  ?  A  necklace, —  have  you  got  a  necklace  ' 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLK 

Yes.  Bring  me  my  jewel-box.  It's  on  the  table  in 
the  next  room. 

JENNY 

Me? 

MRS. 
Yes. 


[JENNY  hurries  into  the  nest  room,  humming  vigorously. 

J  KNNY 

[L'rom  within  //;c  room.]      Is  it  a  black  box? 

MRS.     CHUYSTAI.-l'OI.t: 

Yes. 


II  A  P  P  I  N  ]•:  S  S 

JENNY 

[Comet  back  u-ith  a  larc/f,  hlmk  j<  uW-/>o.r.]      This  it? 

MUS.     rilKYST.U.-J'OLE 

Yes. 

JENNY 

[I'huclilrt.]  I  thought  it  was  a  valise.  [Goet  to 
Mu*.  I'oi.K  und  holds  thf  jwrl-hoj  tt]>  to  her.] 

.NIKS.     I'HKYSTA  I.   1'OI.K 

Open  it. 

JENNY 

Mo,  lady  : 

MRS.     CIlKYSTAL-rOI.K 
Yes. 

J  K  N  N  Y 

•  (i(n'S  to  tohlt- ;  itpi'nx  Ixu ;  t/larrt  at  tfir  contents  ~citft 
startlfd  fift's;  sinks  tinmen,  </as}nn<j,  on  a  chair."]  Oil,  inv 
Gawd! 

MUS.     CH  RYSTA  I.-1'OI  P. 

\I.<niks  aiross  at  her.] 

.1  I  N  N  Y 

I   nrvr  ^-i\v  so  irruiv  in  nn-  life. 

M  i:  >.    (  H  in  s  r\  I.  i'o  I.I. 
( 'nun  ,  eitui''  '      [  Itnpatirntltf.} 

.'  I  \  N  ^ 
[  (•"    <   .'  -    MII       I'.-i.r.   ..  itli   t!ir-  ,'jx-n  I«>T.} 


II  A  P  P  I  X  ESS 

MRS.     CHRYSTAJ,-POI.E 

Choose  one ! 

JENNY 

Me? 

MRS.    CHHYSTAL-POLE 

[Irritably.]      Yes. 

JENNY 

[Hunts  through  the  contents  of  the  box.]  What  about 
that  one?  It  looks  fine!  [Hands  MHS.  POLE  a  neck- 
lace; then  stares  at  the  jewels  again  without  daring  to 
touch  them.] 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 

[Having  fastened  the  necklace.]  You  are  right.  It 
is  better. 

JENNY 

Have  a  green  one  at  your  waist? 

MRS.     CHRYSTAI.-POLE 

Yes.      Give  me  the  emerald  clasp. 

[Searches  and  finds  it  and  holds  it  out  to  MRS.  POLE.] 
Heal  emeralds  ? 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLK 
Yes.      [Taking  tJic  clasp  and  fastening  it.] 

JENNY 

Are  the     all  real  ? 


1 1  A  P  P  I  N  K  S  S 

MKS.     C'HKYSTAT.-I'OLK 


Thev  arc. 


JEN  XV 

I've  iirvcr  seen  so  manv  before, —  only  in  shop-win- 
clows.  Nt  vtr  had  a  chance  to  touch  'cm.  [Laught  a 
little  eerie  lauyh.]  Fancy  wen  in'  Yin!  Don't  ye  feel 
frightened  r1 

MRS.    C  HKYSTAL-J'OLE 

No. 

JEXXY 

/  would.      Look  at  that  one, —  it's  winkin'  at  me  ! 

MKS.     fllKY.NT  \  I.-I'OI.i: 
Close    the   box.       Put   it   on    the   table. 

.1  1 :  N  N  Y 

Yes,  ladv.  [  1'lticrs  jt-^-i-l-lioj-  carefully  on  the  table 
and  closes  it;  thin  hurries  Intel,',  liuinininr/  eheerfulli/  anil 
arranges  pleats  in  the  dress,  lieaininri  icith  satisfaction.} 

M  KS.     (   H  II  Y>T.M.-  I'OI.K 

St'ij)  humrainp ! 

J  F.  N  N  Y 
Vrs,  lady. 

M  US.     <    II  KYs T A  I.-1'OI.K 
\  Satisfied  u;//t   the   effect,  </ires  a  little,  pleased  u'.//i.J 

All! 


H  A  P  P  I  N  E  S  S 

JEN  XV 

[In  an  aiccd  tone.]  You've  got  'cm  all  heat.  Nothin' 
like  that  this  season  —  or  any  other. 

MRS.     rilKYST.U,-rOL,E 

I'll  keep  it. 

JENNY 
I  should  say  so. 

.MRS.    CHRYSTAL-rOLE 
Tell  them  not  to  duplicate  it. 

JENNY 
I  should  say  not. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAT.-POLE 

That  will  do. 

JENNY 

[Chuckles  contentedly.]      You  do  look  happy. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-l'OLK 

[Turns  slowly  round  and  looks  curiously  at  /«'/-.]  Do 
I? 

JENNY 

Sure  ye  do.  An'  why  shouldn't  ye  be?  It's  one  tiling 
to  be  pretty,  an'  another  to  have  the.  price  to  show  it  off. 
Ye've  got  both.  Ye're  beautiful  and  ye'vc  pot  the  price. 
[Sir/Jix.]  I  beg  your  pardon.  [Takes  up  her  hat  and 
thick  coat  and  shabby  <flnvcs.~\ 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-FOLE 

Are  you  happy? 


II  A  P  P  I  N  KSS 

JENNY 

Oh,    ves.      So    long    as    I    please    the    customers.      An' 
vou  lire  pleased,  ain  t  ye* 

M  US.     f  11  H  V.STA  L-PO  I.E. 


JENNY 

[1'uttinrj    on    licr    hat.}       I'm    so    glad.       I    thought    I'd 

lost    me    iol>   -ure!      !  I'nts   on    coat.]      But    you're    kind, 
as  well  as  beautiful,  ain't  ye? 

MRS.     (    lill  Wl  Al.    riH.K 
I  low   mueh  do  you  e:ini  a  week: 

./  KNNV 

[Knthutiasticnllif,     us     if     mrntioninr)     a     very     laryr 
nm»nnt.\       .Si'j-  dollars! 

MIIS.     ClIKYST A  I. -POLE 
I  )o   you    live   .-it    home  * 

.1  KN  N  V 

'  \o>!.\  ;  jmllx  on  ti  iflni-f.  }       Mother  /in'  me  •--  in  Hrook- 


MKS.     (11  HV>T.'.  L-1'OLK 
I  ^    your    father    Jilivr  ' 

.)  r.NNY 

I  don't  know. 

MKS.   i  11  ays  r.\  i,  roi.r. 


H  A  P  P  I  N  E  S  S 

JENNY 

I  don't  think  so.  Don't  see  how  he  could  be.  Ye 
know,  he  went  out  to  work  one  morning  and  never  came 
back.  The  police  said  he  was  made  away  with.  Lots 
are,  ye  know.  Never  heard  of.  But  mother  won't  be- 
lieve it.  She  says  he'll  come  back  some  day.  She 
thinks  he  was  just  hurt  somewhere  —  not  killed.  So 
she's  always  hoping. 

MRS.    CIIRYSTAL-POLE 

[Shoiciny  a  little  more  interest.]  How  long  ago  did 
that  happen? 

JEKNY 

Oh,  ten  years  ago.      I  was  only  a  kid.     We  had  a  nice 
house  then.     After  father  disappeared,  mother  went  out 
to  work,  drcss-makin',  an'  brought  me  up  to  it  —  an'— 
we  have  a  fine  little  home  —  and —  [breaks  off].     Here, 
I  mustn't  go  on  talkin'  to  you  — 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-FOLE 

Go  on  talking.     Unless  you  have  to  go. 

JENNY 

Oh,  no.  The  shop's  closed  now  —  if  ye  want  any- 
thing altered  though,  I  can  call  'em  up  and  they'll  stay. 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 

I  don't.      It's  perfect. 

JENNY 

[Standing  iccarilu,  first  on  one  foot,  then  on  the  other, 
looks  again  admiringly  at  tJie  dress.]  It's  a  dream, 

•C  5i  s- 


I!  A  I'  I'  I  N  1.  S  S 

/     think.      I'int-.-t     our     t'n.i's     »':rnril     out.       [Stifles     a 
yawn. 

M us.   i  am  ^  r  \ i.  i-oi.i; 
You're  tir-'il. 

.»  F.  N  N  V 

A  bit. 

M  11^.     (    II  KYs  ['  \  !.-  I  Ol.K 

Sit  down. 

J  KN  N  v 
I  Jut.—  1  uly  - 

\1  !ls.     «    H  KYSTAI.-  !'<>  1.1'. 
Sit    (lns\  II. 

.1  r  \  N  ^ 

'Si!.-;.  IK  rrottslii,  Innl-in-i  .\ .',;////  H!  MK-.  I'm  >:.  '  Tli.-inlK 
yi  .  \S>ii:!ix  nji  at  MK-.  I'oi  i  .  '  It  ,i..'-s  tiri-  \  r,  •.(•uid- 
in1  -.11  il-iy. 

;\\'.^.    i   ii  in  '•  i   » '     "i  i  M 
HUNS    liiiiif  dn   \  ii.i    \\  nr'» 


II  A  P  r  I  N  K  S  S 

.1  KXNY 

Not  liin'    reg  lar.      Some    weeks   as    miirh    as    fifteen  — 
others   nothin'.      All   depends.      She   hasn't  got   a  steady 
job  now. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLK 

But  how  do  you  live? 

JENNY 

Oh,  fine.  I've  got  everything  I  want.  So's  mother 
— 'eept  when  she  worries  about  father.  Then  she  goes 
on  the  ears  lookin'  for  him. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAJL-POLE 

What? 

JKN'NY 

Ye  see,  she  thinks  he  trot  his  head  hurt  somehow  and 
forgot  us.  No  one  can  make  her  believe  lie's  dead.  So 
every  time  she  gets  on  a  street-ear  or  the  subway,  she 
goes  right  down  through  the-  ears  lookin'  at  all  the  men. 
[Siffh.i.]  Poor  mother.  \Yhen  she  has  a  good  week  she 
spends  hours  that  way.  lT)ejectfdli/.~\  And  it  costs  her 
a  niekel  every  time  she  gets  on  one.  An'  she  comes 
home  all  tired  an'  kind  o'  quiet-like.  Never  says  any- 
tiling.  Then  1  make  her  take  some  supper  and  put  her 
to  bed  an'  she's  fine  in  the  rnornin*. 

MRS.     CM  KYSTAL-I'OI.r 

[Looks  do-^n  at  IHT  -cor tit  rirrjli/;  follotcittfj  n  icomanly 
instinct  sin  put  a  licr  ham!  r/cntli/  on  JKNNV'.V  shoulder.] 


H AP  P I  N  ESS 

.TEN  NY 

[Startt  up.]      Want  me  to  go? 

MRS.     rilKYSTAI.   rOI.K 

Sit  still.  [  Presses  her  hack  on  the  sofa  and  tit*  br- 
tidr  her.}  What  are  you  both  looking  forward  to?  You 
nnd  your  mother? 

JENNY 

[Puzzled. }      Looking  forward  to? 

MRS.     rHKYSTAL-rOI.K 
VfS. 

JENNY 

OIi.  nil  kinds  of  tilings.  When  I  know  the  business 
real  well  and  I*  tter  myself,  I'm  goin'  to  save  up  nnd 
have  a  place  of  niv  own,  an'  inother'll  look  after  every- 
thing and  just  work  when  slie  feels  like  it.  An"  she 
can  travel  up  ,-HI'  flown  on  the  ears  all  day  if  she  wants 
to.  [Regretfully.]  Though  I  do  wish  she  didn't.  It 
veins  so  wasteful  like.  An'  it  ends  in  nothin',  an'  she's 
so  miserable  afterwards.  Do  you  know,  ladv,  up  to  the 
time  I  went  to  work  /  used  to  lonk  at  in» n  and  wonder 
if  I'd  lind  him.  Sometimes  I'd  ask  them  if  they  ever 
hvd  in  Mrooklyn  ami  had  a  wife  an'  kid  tl.ere.  H"ii- 
e>-t.  I  did.  S'ninds  cr-i/.v.  d  >esn't  it?  Mother  up<>(  it 
i.'itn  me.  I  fee]  the  satin-  wav  n<iw  at  times.  ,(  hii-r- 
////'//  ;  Hut  it  doesn't  ]a,t  l"ii^.  I  l.nn-.c  IK'S  de  id. 

Mils.     (    ||  HVS  I    \  I.    !•()  I.K 


HAPPINESS 

JENNY 

Sure.  He  wouldn't  stay  away  all  this  time  if  he  was 
alive.  He  liked  my  mother  too  much.  And  me.  Oh, 
no.  He's  dead  right  enough. 

MRS.    CHRYSTAI.-POLK 

You  poor  little  thing!  [Taket  one  of  JENNY'S  hands 
in  both  of  hcrt.] 

JENNY 

[Slowly  taking  her  hand  a?cay.~\  Oh,  I'm  all  right, 
lady.  I'm  very  healthy  an'  very  strong.  Of  course, 
I'm  small  to  look  at,  but  I'm  really  very  birj  inside.  Ye 
know,  I  feel  big.  Did  ye  ever  see  a  little  dog  that 
thought  he  was  a  great,  big  bloodhound?  That's  me. 
I've  got  great  big  thoughts.  I  know  I'm  goin'  to  be 
very  successful  some  day.  Mother  knows  I  am,  too. 
[Running  along  excitedly.]  We've  heaps  to  look  for- 
ward to.  Heaps.  We  stay  up  o'  nights  plannin*  it  all 
out.  Ye  know  I'm  only  workin'  this  way  with  the  firm, 
learnin'.  Sec?  When  I  can  dress  a  bit  better,  I'm 
goin'  in  the  fittin'  room.  Ye  meet  more  people  there. 
An'  they  pay  yc  better,  too.  I'm  promised  that.  That's 
why  I  was  all  broke  up  just  now- — when  you  —  you 
know?  An'  I  deserved  it,  too.  It  n-as  niee  of  ye  not  to 
send  me  back.  I'd  have  been  chucked  —  sure.  I  ~cas 
scared.  It's  taught  me  somethin' —  I  can  tell  ye. 
[Pause.]  But  I  did  want  to  sec  myself  in  a  real  swell 
dress  —  just  once!  [Laughs.]  I  can't  carry  it  ofF  like 
you  can,  can  I  ?  You  know  you've  got  to  be  born  for  a 
dress  like  that. 

•C    55    > 


II  A  P  P  T  N  KSS 

MHS.     (  MRYS T AI,-rOI.K 

Do  you  rend  and  write? 

.JENNY 

Oh.  yes.  I  went  through  public-  school.  Did  real  well, 
too,  'cept  in  'rithmctic.  I  hate  figures,  '('ours-  I  know 
I  don't  talk  well.  No  one  does  in  our  part  of  Brooklyn. 
But  by-and-byc  I'm  goin*  to  take  up  night  school  and 
learn  to  talk  like  some  o'  the  euslomcrs.  [Lauyht.] 
They  sounded  awfully  funny  at  first.  Now  1  like  it. 
It's  wonderfully  educatin',  workin'  in  a  .store.  Ye  know 
ye  sec  all  kinds.  I'm  sorry  for  them  as  works  in  fac- 
tories an'  places  where  they  don't  meet  real  people.  Ye 
know,  the  ones  that  can  afford  gowns  like  thai,  an"  speak 
nice,  like  you  do.  [Pausr ;  louks  n(  her  admiringly.] 
You  must  l»o  awfully  happy.  [.S'ir//i*.]  It's  wonderful 
to  Ix-  rrtd  happv.  I  am  —  som>  times.  When  I've 
everything  all  built  tip  in  my  mind.  I  love  to  dream 
out  all  I'm  g»in'  to  do.  [Pause;  shyly.]  I'm  happy 
now,--- tnlkin' to  you.  [  I, aught  confusedly.]  (iee!  Ye 
have  let  me  run  fin.  gabbin'. 

M  US.     (    MHVSTA  I.-TO  I  I 

I  like  t.<  listen  to  VOM.  I'm  L'l'nl  to  tliink  \  on  af'- 
happv-  sometimes.  /  am  tic  mo-,t  wnhnpjiy  woman  in 
tins  iit\  tonight. 

.1  r.N  \  "i 
j  /f  nit  -i  t/r<{.  /re     \  e  .' 


Wrrl, 


H  A  P  P  I  N  E  S  S 

JENNY 


Why? 


MRS.     CHKYSTAL-POLE 

I  have  nothing  to  sit  up  at  night  for  and  plan.  I've 

no   father  to  seek.      I    know   where  lie  :s.      And   I  don't 

love  him.      I'm  wretched  because  I've  everything  I  don't 
want  and  nothing  I  do. 

JENNY 
What  do  ye  want  most,  lady? 

MKS.     CHKVSTAI.-l'OI.K 

What   every    human    being   does  —  happiness. 

JENNY 

[Thoughtfully.]  I  know.  Things  to  go  your  way,  an' 
when  thev  don't,  it  jolts  ye.  I  know  that.  [Kright- 
eninc/.]  But  I  always  feel  if  ye  don't  get  it  one  way  ye 
do  another.  If  I'd  lost  tin's  placv,  I  might  have  got  a 
better  one.  It's  all  in  the  day.  So  what's  the  use  of 
worryin'?  Seems  to  me  the  best  thing  is  to  go  right  on. 

MUS.     rilHYSTAL-l'OI.E 

We've  got  to  do  that — •  f/i>  riffht  on. 

J  KXXV 

Do  ye  know  what  I  think  happiness  is  really? — • 
Look  In'  foncard! 

MKS.    MIRYSTAT.-FOLK 

That's  all  it  is.  l.ookiny  foru'tird.  And  I'z'e  nothing 
to  look  furw  ard  It). 


H  A  P  P  I  N  E  S  S 

JENNY 

You're  jokin'!      Ain't  yt  •? 

.MKS.     C  HUVST Al.-J'OLE 

No. 

JENNY 

Whv,  what  art-  all  the  fine  people  goin'  to  say  when 
they  see  ye  in  that  dress?  Kh?  [Laughs.]  They'll 
crv  tl.cir  eyes  out  with  envy  —  that  they  will.  Won't 
that  make  ye  happy? 

MRS.     C'HRVST  U.-l'OI.K 
Not  in  the  least. 

JENNY 

My,  but  you're  queer.  That's  all  our  eustoiner.s  think 
al*>ut —  what  the  other  peoplr'll  tliink.  I  know  I'd  like 
to  have  fine  things  if  only  to  see  what  the  others  did 
when  they  caught  me  in  them.  How  they'd  look! 
Shdl>!»/  Jenny  "  thev  calls  me.  Thcv'cl  open  their 
rye-,  if  thev  ever  saw  me  "dolled  up." 

MU^.     CHKYSTA  I.    i'OI.K. 
AIK!   would  thut  make  you  happy? 

.J  r.NNV 

1  nr  a  !>it.  They  don't  ^i\e  me  much  chance  —  the 
j^irls  at  the  shup.  Cruel,  some  of  'em.  I  .a  ugh  ?it  me. 
Think  I  in  ijii-  er.  An'  t!n\  sa\  fithi-r  ran  awiv  frmii 
iii"ther  an'  me.  An'  tin  v  d"n't  I'lame  him.  TlifV  sav 
Hii^niie  M.iuld  rjii  au  .iv  fmin  nu  an'  mother  an'  Hrook- 


HAPPINESS 

lyn.  'Course  it  hurts  at  the  time.  But  I  don't  really 
mind  it.  They  don't  know  what  I'm  thinkin'.  Do 
they?  That's  what  mother  an'  me  always  comforts  our- 
selves with.  Yer  thoughts  are  yer  own.  I've  got  to 
stand  about  an'  run  about  from  eight  to  six,  an'  do  what 
they  tell  me,  but  they  don't  know  what  I'm  thinkin'  all 
the  time.  Why,  ye  can  be  a  queen  —  in  yer  mind  in  a 
four-dollar  dress  an'  a  cheap  hat.  An'  some  queens  can't 
be  as  happy  —  that's  what  mother  says. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLE 

What  recreations  have  you? 

JENNY 

Recreation?      Holiday? 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 

Yes. 

JEXXY 

Oh,  Sunday.  That's  a  great  day.  I  don't  get  up  till 
nine  o'clock  Sunday  mornings.  Xine  o'clock!  An'  we 
always  have  chicken  and  cake  for  dinner.  Always  • — 
chicken  and  cake.  An'  when  mother's  had  a  good  week, 
we  go  to  a  movin'-picture  show  in  the  evenin'.  Not  the 
cheap  ones.  We  don't  like  them.  Why,  all  the  girls  in 
them  that  only  got  six  dollars  a  week  went  wrong.  An' 
ye  should  see  the  fellows  they  went  wrong  with  !  Bald 
heads  an'  fat  stomachs !  Silly,  /  call  'em.  I  want  to 
tell  you  the  girls  at  the  store  are  not  that  kind  at  all. 
They're  very  particular  who  they  go  out  with.  Them 
kind  of  pictures  are  no  good.  We  like  the  ones  about 
-C  59  3- 


I!  AP  P  I  N  KSS 

travelin'  an"  huntin"  an'  the  coronation  —  you  know  — 
all  them  funnv  people  in  uniforms.  We  love  them. 
They're  so  cdueatin'.  [Stops  to  take  breath;  suddenly 
hursts  out  attain  as  a  nru1  thought  ionics  to  her.]  Oh! 
An'  I  in  learnin'  French,  too! 

MRS.     (  HKVST.U.-I'OI.K 

French? 

JENNY 

There's  a  French  woman  at  tin-  store  I  do  things  for's 
tcacliin'  mr.  She  says  I'll  learn  it  quicker  tlmn  I  will 
jjoixl  Knjjli.sh,  'cause  me  ear  ain't  spoilt.  Oh.  I  mustn't 
complain.  There's  an  awfi;l  li>t  tu  do,  if  ye  take  the 
trouble  to  find  out. 

Mits.    ru  u  VSTA  i.-i-o  l.r, 

I    suppose  there   is.       1    wish   I'd  started   like  you;  with 
our  oi.th.uk. 


MI;S.    (  ii  K  VST  \  i    I'oi.r 

Tin  II  I  wouldn't  (><•  lo«iki'i;;  hark  all  the  time.  I'd 
l.c  pr>  ssiiiLT  forward.  I  l.<>nL<i  nt  .l!^^^  inti-nthj  ;  tin  n 
jnit.t  I'i'l/i  Jiuniis  an  .Ii..\N\  s  s/niiildt  -i  x.  '  1  d  like  t<> 
hi\r  some  one  lil.r  \u;.  Mi  if  me  |U>t  Iln\s. 

J  1   N  N  V 

Wh.-it    fnr'      Tu  1-,.,-h   at  ' 

•n..-..    >  ii  i:  "»  s  r  \  i.  i  u  1.1. 
\...       A',    a    hi.1,,1. 

•"    tin 


H  A  P  P  I  N  E  S  S 

JENNY 

As  H  what?  [Laught.]  I  don't  know  what  you 
moan,  lady. 

MRS.    CHRYST. \L-PO1.K 

I'm  at  n  loose  end.  I'm  rattled.  I'm  out  of  touch 
with  myself  and  the  world.  /  want  to  plan  tilings!  To 
look  ahead;  to  have  faith  in  life.  An  hour  ago  I  had 
nothing  to  look  forward  to  —  nothing.  You've  roused 
me.  If  t/o it  can  be  happy  with  nothing  why  shouldn't  / 
be  with  everything? 

JENNY 

What  are  ye  drivin'  al,  lady? 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLE 

Help  me,  and  I'll  help  you.  Give  me  of  your  en- 
thusiasm  —  your  faith  —  your  philosophy.  You  seem  to 
see  light  where  I  find  only  darkness;  beauty,  where  I 
know  only  the  hateful;  the  wonderful  that  to  me  is  but 
the  ordinary.  Help  me  to  become  a  useful,  human  crea- 
ture, and  I'll  help  you. 

JENNY 

But  what  do  you  want  me  to  do? 

MHS.     CHHYSTAI,-POI,F. 

Give  me  of  your  courage,  your  truth,  your  loyalty  and 
your  resolution.  Will  you? 

JKNNY 

I'd    have   to   ask   mother   first. 

•C  «!  > 


HAPPINESS 

[Enter  CHANDOS  in  evening  drctt.     Both  of  the  u-omrn 
rite,    JENNY     drau-t     back,    it-niching     them    uonder- 


CHANDOS 

[Advance!  to  Mn.«.  POI.K,  looking  in  admiration  at  the 
drett.]      Wonder  ful  ! 

MRS.     CHRYSTAI,-POI.E 
Is   it? 

CHANDOS 

Marvellous  ! 

MIIS.     CHUYSTAI--1'()I.F, 

Rags,  my  dear  Phil.      Just  rags. 

CIIAXDOS 

Their  setting  is  magnificent.      Shall  we  start? 

MHS.     (HKYS  T.U.-I'OLK 
Where? 

<H.  \vnos 
To  my  "  fnrfwell  dinner." 

MRS.     C'intV.sT.\I/-rOI.R 
No.       I'll  dine  here. 

(  HAN  i)OH 
Why  5 

Nfit>.    CM  in  vr  \  i.-  rm.r 

()h.   I   d"ii  t   know.       \Tnufhet  her  forrhrad.]      Tlnn^i 
h.-ne  all  changed  h<r>\      \\li.it  n  rutter  I've  been!       What 

-C  <>*  2- 


II  A  P  P  I  N  E  S  S 

.1    rotter!      [Suddenly    to   JENNY.]      Will   you   stay   and 
dine  with  me? 

JENNY 

[Confusedly.]      Thank  ye,  lady.      I  can't. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLK 

Why  not? 

JENNY 

Mother'll  be  waitin'. 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 

Can't  you  stay  out  for  once? 

JENNY 

[Hurriedly.]      Oh,  no!      I  couldn't  do  that.     She's  all 
alone. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLE 

Don't  you  ever  stay  out? 

JENNY 

No.     She's  all  alone. 

MRS.    CHRYSTAL-POLE 

Send  for  her. 

JENNY 

It  would  take  too  long.      Besides,  she  mightn't  like  it. 

MRS.     CHRYSTAL-POLE 

Do  as  I  tell  you.     Write  her  address.     I'll  send  for 
her. 

-C    63    > 


H  A  P  P  I  N  ESS 

.7  F.NNY 

Hut   suppose   she   won't   comr  ?     She's   very   proud,   is 
mother. 

MKS.     fllRYST  \I,-1'OLE 
She'd   conic    for   your 

.»  r.N.vv 
Oh,  anywhere. 

MKS.     (    IIKYST.M.-I'Ol.K 

[Inilicatintf  tl<-xk.\      Sit  down  tin  re  and  write  I.IT  that 
you   want  her  to  conic.       [7'iJHJj1.]       I)o  it. 

J  KNXY 

flffgitatrs;    tJirrt    r/or.*    In    tin-    d  <•*?:,    silx    tun!    vr/'r-*, 
protrstin'i  as  she  f/Ofs.]       Hut  she  may  not  come. 

MUS.    (ii  in  ST  \i.-ro  i.i. 
\'l'»  C'liANnos.J       \\i\\   vnu  xtav: 

CHAN  DOS 


M  us.    c  H  it  ^  si  \  i.  PCI  i.i 

I)n    \HU    mind    sitting   at    the-    ^a::i-     tahle    v.  ith    ll.at    ^irl 
and  h'-r  ni-it  her  ' 

(    II  A  \  PdS 

U'h\  ,  ..f  i-oiirsr  ri.-l  ;   hut    I    thought 

\«  1!^.     C  II  I!  VsT  \  I.    !  d  I   I' 

t(in,  s      I,,      t,i,j,it<>r,.-.  \\'ai».        Helln.        (ii\.-      liu       ti- 

res)  i  ij  fin1  .      I  l'ttii.ir.\      I  s  I  h-il  t  he  rrst  ai:r  ant  .'      [  /'<;'>•/ 
I    «-int    Ih'    h'    iM   \sai!'r.         I'int.\<-.         I  Icnd-wniter  .'      This 


II  A  1'  1'  I  N  KSS 

is  Mrs.  Pole.  Apartment  ."12.  Serve  dinner  up  hen: 
in  three-quarters  of  an  hour  foe  four.  [Pause.]  I 
leave  it  to  you. 

CHAN DOS 

[Protestingly.\      Don't  leave  it  to  a  head-waiter  — 

MRS.     CHKYSTAl.-rOI.K 

Sssli !  [Silences  CHANIJOS,  then  talks  into  the  tele- 
phone.} Yes.  Anything  will  do.  Anything  at  all. 

c  li  AN  DOS 
[Indignantly.]      Anything!     Mv  farewell  — 

MKS.     rilHYSTAr.-rOI.K 

[Stops  hhn  again. ]  And  listen —  I  say,  listen.  Ask 
them  to  send  someone  up  at  onee.  Yes,  at  once. 
Thank  you.  [  llanos  ///>  nvc/ivr.  To  JKNNV.  |  I  •;  it 
finished  ? 

JEXXY 

I  Licking  tfif  flap  of  tin-  >»i'<lopc.\  Yes,  lady.  But 
]  don't  know  what  uiolher'll  s.-i\'. 

MRS.     Cli  HVSTA  I.-I'O  I.K 

(ii\'c  it  me!  [  Tuifa  iiif  letter  and  rca/lx  tlir  address.] 
"  Mr.-,.  Wrav." 


That's    mother. 

MRS.     C'llKY^TAL-TOLK 

{To  CiiAXDos,  introducing  lli<  ;n.  j      Thi-,  is  Mi-.s  \^"ray 
-   Mr.   Chaiulos.      [CIIAXDOS   I~>O\LS  smilingly.'] 


H  A  P  P  I  N  K  S  S 

JENNY 

[IfoLli  her  hand  out  timidly.}      Jenny's  my  naim*. 

C  II  AS  DOS 
Glad  to  inert  you. 

MHS.     rHP.YSTAl.-J'OLE 

May  I  use  your  cnr' 

CHANUUS 

Certainl. 


MBS. 

I'll  irnd  thii.      (  Goft  out.} 

JENNY 

[  Surrrptitiuuily  takn  out  an  olJ  cheaply-framed 
tlayufrrfotijpf,  ruin  it  anil  looks  at  it,  thru  at  Cii  \Nixis.  ] 
\\h.nt  ilul  you  vny  vour  nnnn-  is' 

(    MAN  I'OS 

[I.ookt  at  hi-r  amuic<Hy.}      Climulivs. 

J  K  N  N  V 


(    MA  MM  is 
(^uitr. 

J  i:\  \v 
I>;(]  you  <  •>  i  r  li\  r   in    i5r'>"i.!\  n  ' 

(    MAM'OK 
.\r\rr. 


HAPPINESS 

JENNY 
Oh! 

CHANDO8 

Why? 

JENNY 

You    look    awfully    like    he    did  —  only    yer    dressed 
different. 

CHANDO8 

Like  whom? 

JENNY 

My  father. 

CHAXDOS 
Really?      [Lauyhs.] 

JENNY 

I'm  sure  mother'll  ask  ye  if  she  comes.      [Sits  down, 
looking  at   the  photo.] 

[Enter    MHS.    CmiYSTAL-PoLE.      CHANDOS,    suppressing 
his  laiif/Jitcr,  icalks  over   to  MRS.   POLE.] 

JENNY 

[Touches  CHANDOS'S  arm  as  he  passes  her.]      Are  ye 
sure  ye  never  lived  in  Brooklyn? 

CHAXDOS 

[First  looks  at  her,  then  moves  to  MRS.  POLE.]      Who 
is  she? 

MBS.    CHBYSTAL-POLE 

She's  come  out  of  nowhere  to  us. 
•C  67  > 


ii  A  r  I*  i  N  r  ss 

(    MAXIMA 
In    tima~fntfni.  '         It? 

MK<.    (it  in  sT  \i.-roi  r. 
Yon  nti'l  !!><•. 

i    H  AN  PO.s 

\\  !  it    for? 

•I  I       .      i     M  K'I  -  I'  V  I      I1')!.! 

'1  ,,     ),,  Ij,     i;s     (..     '   •  K     »'.ir«  ml.       •'(•<>,-*     lo     ,'KNNV.| 
t,..  tike-  ittj'  \,.i;r  f«  it   aiiil   \iiur   hit   anii   V'-ur   Lrli'%'^. 
t  *  <n!  i   t.  •  r  ..  ith   t  ''i  in . 

.1  }.  \  S  V 

It'-,    i,,..     ,.f    v  MII    (..     i,k    is-.       Hut     I    flmi't    think    \M- 
mil'i  • 


•.!!;•>.    <   H  it  v>  i  \  i     i'i'  l.i 

\\  !,  if    .i  ..  s    !i..sl    jii-itl'-r"'       H-  in- ml"  r,    \o-i    Inv.-    your 
i     -i »;  •'.'<. 

.'IV  V  V 

Vr,.  ;v!v  '/'.        <   ..'r     r,  ,.'.       M;--.    P.. i  i:  /.///.v  ,  f»n'  ')» 

:>:  /f     Mi  -.    (    IIHV-  !  V  -POM      /I f  r    lint. 


II  A  1'  I'  I  N  ESS 

.;  KNN  v 

[T,auyhs  cheerfully  ami  touches  the  shabby  little  hut.] 
Yes,  it  was.  llo\v  did  you  know? 

MRS.     CH  RYSTAI,-J'O  LK 
I  mean,  will  you  help  me  -    and  let  me  help  you? 

JENNY 

I'd   like  to. 

MRS.   CHK VST. u.-ror.K 

\ Presses  her  dtncn  onto  ill,'  couch  into  a  comfortable 
•position,  then  (/orx  l<>  CHAXDOS.  If  there  were  more 
like  //r/-,  there  would  be  lewer  like  us. 

CHANDOS 

Why? 

MKS.     C  II  K  VSTAI.-I'OLK 

She's  ;i  real  luiinan  being.  She's  found  what  we've 
never  known. 

CHANDOS 

Yes  ? 

MRS.     CIIU  VSTAI.-POT.K 

Happiness. 

JEN  XV 

[Xervously  locking  and  unlocking  licr  finr/ers,  a  tc'or- 
ried  look  in  her  ci/ex,  a  tremor  running  through  her  thin 
little  body,  murmurs  under  her  breath.]  I  wonder  if 
mother  will  come? 


-C  ti»  3- 


JUST     AS     WELL 

WRITTEN  INT  1898 
REVISED  FOR  PRODUCTION,  1914 


CHARACTERS 

HON.     DoLEEN    SWEETMARCH       MAIT) 

MRS.  CAKKAX  CAPTAIN  TnAwmuncK 

SCENE 

Morning-room  at  Lady  Su'cetmarch's. 

May  fair.      London. 


JUST     AS     WELL 

A  TWKXTIETH-CKNTURY  HOMANCK 

[The  action  of  the  Romance  passes  in-  the  Morning- 
room  of  Lady  Sweetmarch's  Town-house  in  Mai/fair. 

It  is  on  the  first  floor,  and  through  the  open  windows  can 
be  seen  the  budding  trees  of  the  adjacent  gardens, 
in  from  which  comes  the  warm  breath  of  late  Spring. 
It  is  a  handsomely-furnished  room,  made  still  more 
attractive  by  the  addition  of  many  open  cases  of 
jewelry,  rare  rases,  pottery,  porcelain,  an  Indian 
shawl  and  huge  masses  of  flowers.  Lending  a  some- 
what commonplace  note  to  the  otherwise  brilliant 
atmosphere,  in  prominent  positions  are  a  large  soup- 
tureen  with  a  ladle,  a  velvet  receptacle  containing 
numerous  silver  salt-cellars,  and  a  quantity  of  knives 
and  forks.  Cards,  lying  on  or  attached  to  the  various 
and  numerous  articles  denote  that  they  are  offerings 
from  well-wishing  friends. 

The  MAID  ushers  in  MRS.  CARFAX,  a  gentle,  kindly, 
spirituelle  lady  of  fifty.  She  is  carrying  a  somewhat 
bulky  parcel  very  tenderly  and  devotionaUy. 

MAID 

Miss    Sweetmareh   has   just  come   in    from   the    Park. 
I'll  tell  her. 

-C    75    > 


.US  T     A  S     W  K  I.  L 

MRS.     (\KK.\\ 

hr   wrdclii'jr  is  on    Frid-iv         is   it   not? 


MA  IH 


Y«  s,   M.i'1/irn. 


Mils.     C  \KK\\ 

'(ii'tv*  ,i  III!!,-   .»:.//!.      Sl>,-    th,  ti   h 
in   th>-    M  MIL  i       Kiinlh    HIM*  rip   it. 


I  I'tK/'irs  th,    \.  r<3/> 
/  V    '"ii/fi(/    rnlttmrs. 


M  K>>.     (    \  !l  K  \\ 
.',;//    lul>!,.\       H<  r<  , 


[  7  Vir    MUII  jiliii'i-s    thi-   l-ntii.s  ran'  full  if  on   the   tal>lc,  i/ni-x 
tn    tlir-    linnr    and    njt->-\    ;'.       >'u'    st>-j>s    Inn  I:    (n    maki" 

;<flV      fur      Ml--      l)ii!l(N      >U  i   M  M  \li(    !I.     7i'/(()     t-lltiTS     at 

that  mnmrnt.  Ii-r  \!\ti«  ./.<f.v  m/^,  rlnsinn  th>'  tlnnr 
•nmtr  [,-s  »/  »/  l"'r'iJ  lii-r.  l>i'l.ii  \  •..!.•'/>•  .v  .>.'•.•-•')/  :•!'•> 
f/ir  roo?7i  (;>u/  </r  -•'  '.  Mn«.  <  \i(l  \\  rnthttsi.tftnail  i/. 
Shf  IJT  rj  sl'.tjht  ,  1'nr.  i">  !irt'.i.it<nial>li'  tj'iit'iii  Id'lif  n' 
I'.rfntij-  SIT  ;  i.t  attirrti  in  <i  niiiiltth  rt>iinff-finl>i(  ,  un<! 
/i/jf  a  ni/rrt'if  r  of"  »•"••!  '<  ."  ?  v  r  r:  /if  r  f:a»tl.  llrr  •'hfi'l.  t 
arr  fiuihrtl  frr>»i  //.r  m>'r^nn<i-r\i!f  ,  nnii  her  njrx  rliin-f 
;t  :th  '.hr-  hfipr>\nriut  !n>rn  '>>'  h  faith  Shr  is  rn  'inn'. 
Shr  i;ral*  n-.:)}  thr  rnn\1  ni'irn^'r  ti.tfl,  turn:'-'/  hrr 

r  ''  "  iriN)  "  ::  'A."  r.'/i-/  .t  >'.'.'  /:»!</  f  /I  /•  Ifttfr  "  5  "  r;  t 
ihn'jtfh  'I  .'•'r-  "  '/r."  c,vi//  /J(.M  ri  gtruif)htfnr~i.'nril, 

•'•/-'':'.  r,     uniT'-     »ni.'i»i'r    f''.;/     '/orr    straight     In    nnr'.t 


JUST     A  S     W  K L L 

DOI.KKN 

[Giving  a  cry  of  delight,  embraces  MRS.  OAHFAX 
exuberantly  and  kisses  her  on  hotli  cheeks.]  Dear  Mrs. 
Carfax.  I  low  sweet  of  you  to  come. 

MRS.     CARFAX 

[Her  eyes  filling.']      Oh,  my  poor  child! 

POTHEEN 
Don't  cry.      Please   don't  cry. 

MRS.     CARFAX 

I  can't  help  it,  Dolecn.      I  can't  help  it.      It  will  soon 
be  over.      It  is  with  happiness,  dear  — just  happiness  — 
for  your  sake.      I  am  glad  —  most  glad  —  that  you  have 
won  the  love  of  an  honorable  man. 

DOLEEN 
Isn't  it  splendid  —  just  too  splendid. 

MRS.     CARFAX 

It  is  very  unexpected. 

POT.F.F.X 

That's  what  everyone  says. 

MRS.     CARFAX 

You  are  most  fortunate.      I   sincerely  hope  your  mar- 
riage will   not  be  a  mistake.      So  many  are. 

POT.F.KN 

Aren't   the? 


j  r  s  T    AS    w  i:  1. 1. 

MKS.     (    \KKA\ 
-,  d<  ar.       rS7u-    till  ft   ti]>   the   /ti'o   /  !'/   books.] 


An    tin  y   for  m«-  ' 

MRS.     (    \KI\\ 
Yr-.       Dian   Ilolr'i  srrmons. 


(  ).     m\V      oVrv. 

MRS.     (    \J!  K  \\ 

Tlir\  -»rr  iiicst  satisfying.  I  ikr  tin  in  \sith  you  on 
\.i-.:r  l.i'ii'  yumi'ii  .TIH!  rc:ul  tlinn  constantly.  1  do  want 
\.-u  to  try  -itnl  r«  ili/r  tl;c  n-s|)oiisihility  of  tli<-  path  in 
hfi-  you  l.a\r  rlios,  i,.  It  is  full  of  pitfall.. 


'Jurn.ii,/    tin-    piiifft.\        I   11     |U->t    ln\(     tlirsi.        It    i>    so 
s«(<t  of  \ou  t'i  l>riii^  tin-in.       I   ad-T«-  M-rnioiis. 

M  r.*.    i    \  11  1  \\ 
Coinr   and    srr   nic   dinrtlv    von   rrtiirn.   won't    \  on. 

i  -i  1  1  1.1  \ 
Tin-    tirst    iniiiiiti     I'm    I..KK         rt.-illv. 

M  KV    (    \  r.  i   \\ 
'   riVt    !        I    d.«    h^p-     \oii    «ill    !><•    liajipv.       But    it    is    a 

i-r.    it    r:-k. 

I'D  I.I     |     \ 

I  •>  -      ii"t     t  ik-  ii     it     \it.       >..    di.n't    i-ry.     Mrs.     (  arfax. 
.'  .    t     list'  n     I-,    tins.        i/i',  ,.•,/,»     ,,Hf    <//"    //.,-    </;/</)     /,//rr.i.j 


JUST     AS     W  ELL 

"Good  old  Do.  So  it's  all  right,  eh?  Jolly  glad. 
Best  of  luck,  old  girl.  You'll  have  to  tighten  the  rein 
a  bit,  now.  Trawbridge  has  a  hard  mouth.  You  had 
better  ride  him  on  the  curb."  Isn't  the  bracelet  a  dear? 
[DOLEEN*  shows  it  to  MRS.  CAHFAX  and  kisses  it.] 
"  Tons  of  kisses.  Yours  to  a  turn.  Gyp."  We  were 
at  school  together,  you  know.  I  rather  thought  she 
wanted  Trawbridge  herself,  poor  dear.  Isn't  it  a  sweet 
letter? 

MRS.     CARFAX 

[Severely.]      A  very  flipant,  worldly  letter. 

DOLEEN 

Oh,  she's  very  worldly.  Very.  But  isn't  it  a  pretty 
bracelet?  What  does  she  mean,  "  ride  Trawbridge  on 
the  curb"?  I  think  that's  horrid.  Oh,  you  must  hear 
this  one.  [Reads  another.]  "  Dear  Miss  Sweetmarch. 
I  have  just  heard  the  news  of  your  approaching  mar- 
riage. I  need  hardly  say  how  surprised  I  am  —  how 
shocked  I  am" — [breaks  off].  No,  that  isn't  the  one. 
That's  from  poor  old  Clifford.  He  thought  I  was  in  love 
with  him.  Poor  old  silly.  [Takes  up  a  pearl  cross.] 
Nice  of  him  to  send  me  that,  wasn't  it?  The  stupid  boy, 
of  course  I  wasn't  in  earnest  and  he  ought  to  have 
known  it. 

MRS.     CAR  FAX 

You  understand,   Doleen,   you   must   never   flirt  again. 

lun.KKN 

I   should  think  not.      This   is   from   my   brother.      He's 
-T   ~()   n- 

Vi       '  •'      »V 


J  I    ST     AS     \\   1    II. 

a  little  r.iscil  him-.- If.  h'tinls.'  "  !><arest  Sid.  You 
liars  t.tk<  n  i  DM  out  nf  us  .ill.  1  mev  old  Trawbridgf ! 
Didn't  think  In-  had  it  in  him.  Ne\er  mind,  he's  .-ill 
right-  (ii\r  him  a  rhanc.  .  won't  you.'  1  .-nil  sending 
vou  tin-  biggest  turren  I  fan  find.  ^  on  art-  bound  to 
fall  in  the  sonji."  It  sounds  disgustingly  vulgar.  "  The 
lad  h-  is  to  nsateh.  Y'»:ir  \<<\  ing  brother,  I'  reddie. 
I). .n't  like  that  at  all.  Isn't  this  beautiful?  [Slto-cs 
;r:»  r /-i'<Jjf .  j  I'  rmn  ( 'olonrl  (  rawford.  He  s  to  be  the 
lx->t  in.'in.  j/'irAj  u p  nniii fir r  fii.\r.\  Ob,  what  a  duck! 
[Huns  d<  ruts  tn  mirror  ii>i,i  futti-ns  it  tin.  Jlurrics  hack 
tit  till ilt-  anil  si<s  //if-  dttit  r  i  I.-JC.T.  ]  Knives.  \\liv  do 
jx-ojile  se  ml  kni\es.-  Sillv  tlnii^i.  Salt  rellars.  Twrlvc 
»f  them.  Isn't  it  ridiculous?  ( )ne  would  think  we  were 
going  to  li\e  mi  salt.  [  Su,i<!>  /////.  Oh,  Mrs.  Carfax. 
I  ought  not  (»  k<  t  ji  them.  I  won't  keep  them.  1  must 
send  them  back.  I  ;»  ;//  send  them  hack. 


\V!.-,l  for? 

I  MM.  1. 1    S 

II- .••»t:sr   I   d"n't   lo\f   IMIII.       I   don't   love  him.      I   know 
now    I    ii'-\  i  r   //:-/   lo\  i-    him. 


I     W  1 1  -.      (I 


!•<  1 1    I    I    S 

I  don't  know.       I   r|.  !i,  t   ,:    •',    hi::,  to  m  ,rrv  mr.       I   don't 
t:..nk    h.    .  i.  r     '.  k.  d    m.'       <  h,]\    i,.  oi,!,     t  ..!!.,  ,1    a!  out    us 


.Tl'ST     AS     WKI.T. 

—  and   I  let  him  talk  to  mo  —  and  now  they've  sent  all 
these.      Isn't  it  awful  ? 

MKS.     CARFAX 

If  you  don't  love  him,  you  must  not  marry  him. 

DOLEKN 

J  won't.  I'm  sure  I  could  never  make  him  happv. 
He's  so  fussy.  And  so  serious.  And  I  think  I  lo\e 
someone  else.  Claude  I'lumleigh.  [  think  I  do.  He's 
so  jolly.  And  he  has  five  thousand  a  ye  ir,  a  shooting- 
box,  a  yacht,  and  an  uncle  wortli  a  million.  Of  course, 
that  isn't  the  reason. 

MKS.     CARFAX 

Doleen  — 

DO LEE X 

Poor  Trawbridge.  lie's  only  got  his  pay  and  his 
father's  allowance,  which  isn't  much.  When  his  father 
dies,  of  course,  he'll  he  quite  well  of]'.  But  'hen  the 
General  mav  live  to  a  hundred,  poor  man.  and  we'd  le 
so  shal>!»v,  waiting.  Xo.  I'm  sure  it's  for  the  best. 
Claude's  a  real  chance.  And  I'm  really  fond  of  him — 
at  least  I  think  1  am. 

MKS.     CARFAX 
There  must   he   no  doubt   before  marriage,   Doleen. 

POLF.F.X 

I  should  think  not. 

MKS.     CARFAX 

Marriage,  my  dear,  is  like  an  egg. 

•c  si  :> 


J  I'  S  T     A  S     W  1.  I.  L 

DOLEF.N 


.I 


MRS.     CARKAX 
If  tlirrc  is  rt/!7  doubt,  th'Tc  is  no  donl>t. 

[KM  11  N 
^  on  iiinn  n   rnttrn  «'^(i  ' 

MRS.     (ARK  AX 

And  an  nnlnppv  niarri.'ifi"'. 

I'OI.Kl  N 

()h.  F  must  l>r«  ak  it  off.  Hi:t  it  docs  sri-ni  n  .slianir-  In 
.sdiii  all  thr'-r  IK  .-nit  iful  things  I'.'irk.  I  wniidcr  if  I 
fMilii  k'  »  p  no,  nnthilij;.  If  I  marry  Claude,  they 
«ui  srnd  tin-in  all  tn  Mn  a^aiii.  I  Mir  rum  from  <>'«•  tit 
tin-  othtT,  tnuiinri'i  Minn-  at  (hi  m  lonqintjlii  t  xonif 
rrtrr»jiw//v.  /:  A'  i//>  flf  xlm^l  anil  r<'<n!s  fruni  tlir  card 
a't'i  hf,l.'  "  I  r"in  (u-ii'-ral  Sir  Cholmondrlcy  Traw- 
I'rid^-  .  Jiillniul'ir.  I'unjauli,  India.  My  sinrcrcst 
wisl.rs  for  vn:;r  h-injiiiK  --s."  [I'ntx  xhcr^l  on.]  \{r 
ni'ist  l<  a  dear  "Id  tliiiiL.'.  1'iit  he  has  livrd  a  Ions;  time. 

Mi;s.    <   \KIA\ 

I)ncs  Capt.ii:i  Tr/jwhrid^f  i^now  von  do  not  care  for 
him? 


Not   in  tf.r  ]r/i^t.      Hr  d'T^n't   r\-rn   Mnprct  it. 

MRS.     TAR  TAX 

And  l.r  lovrs     ou  '• 


JUST     AS     W E  L  L 

DOLREN 

He's  perfectly,  mad  about  me. 

.MRS.     CARFAX 

You  must  not  let  it  go  on  any  longer.  You  must 
break  it  off  at  once. 

DOLEEN 

I  am  so  glad  you  think  that,  too.  The  moment  he 
comes  in  I'll  just  rush  at  him  and  get  it  over.  Poor  old 
Hastings.  I  wish  he  didn't  stammer.  It's  so  silly. 
And  he  always  stammers  in  the  wrong  place.  [King 
heard  faintly  in  the  distance.  Excitedly.]  There  he 
is.  It's  just  his  time.  He  calls  every  morning  at  1 1  :30, 
as  if  it  were  parade.  I  do  hope  lie  won't  make  a  scene. 
I  can't  help  it  if  he  does.  Won't  you  stay  and  help  me? 

MRS.     CAR  FAX 

No,  I  will  not. 

DOLEEN 
Oh,  please!      It  would  be  so  nice  to  have  you  tell  him. 

MRS.     CARFAX 

You  must  learn  to  take  the  responsibility  of  your  own 
acts.  Such  a  marriage  without  love  would  have  been 
terrible. 

DOLEEN 

[Embracing  her.]  I  knew  you'd  stand  by  me,  you 
angel. 

[Enter   MAID.] 
-C    83   > 


J  U  S  T     A  S     W  K  L  L 


MAID 


Cnpt.tin  T  ra  w  briil  if  r. 


In   h<  rr. 


Wait.    Ill 


MK>.     t    \UK.\.\ 


1'ui.ns 

Do    )>!<•.!•><•    l.rlji    i;:r    to    lift  ;ik    it    t.i   him  — 

MH-.     <    Uil    \\ 
[  Drtr.i  t     liirtflf     ii[>.\        Id  in' nil"  r.     it     i-     your     duty. 


i.i  1 1  I  i  \ 
I),.!/!    f,   ,r.   .L   ir    Mrv    (    irfiv 

Mi:-,     i    \  i:  I    \  \ 

I  \k  i . !    j-r  i-,     i'-r    \  »  ;    ("i.i.'h!. 

I'd  I  I  i  v. 
'I'!,,!     v.i:i    1  i-    >v\v.  .  $    .if    \...;. 

:\Ii-     <    MM\\    ^.n.-r    n'ii    ...!/i     \I\ni.       P.tirf'N    sits    tit 

I 1  ;.;'.",;•;/   j  .  (;  -;  (    i. ':il    \ .  n,  /  •  .        }    ', '  t  <  r   (     \  i'  1   v  I  N     I  !  \STI  N(!S 
'I  i    \u  t:»(M>i.»  ,   r;    '•.<:•.'.   .,,:'.'    ir,K>mi.l   I'ff'rrr,   frri/   ftis^i 

.'   I';     ,!-,    lir,/.    ,/,   V   •   r,,/,-     ,,f    5;..  ,   ,   /,     ,  .;  ,   ,•;,/     •.,/,,   „     ,:r- 

iitf'l,    !>i-n    );r    t  '..nn  'iir  r  \  ;    /. .     jv    t  i  ;  ;/    Mr.»n<i    (in  tl    st>illt'- 

.'•/'•.       //'     a./;  'IT,  ,'i/     in/./    //;<••    n;o//i 

»;)i  /     if,';.;.     /-/(./.;;;,/     r, ,  1 1« ;  '.  '  .; .'.'  •,     ,il     t>t       ;i  r>  s  r  n  ts.        \)<>- 

i  »  >  \    f '.':•.:  i   j.i.  ..n  i.  I.,.!  ,,,',!  .nu,  •.    t  >    •  la  ?/.  ' 


JUST     AS     W  E  L  I, 

DOLEF.N 

He's    there.      I    can    frrl    him    all    down    my    spine. 
[Shivers.] 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIDGK. 

[Turning  round  from  presents.]      Dolern. 

DOLE EN 

[Starting  up.]     Oh  ! 

CAl'TAIX    TRAWBRIDGK 

Good-uiorning. 

DOLJ&EN 
You  are  early  ? 

CAl'TAIX    TUAWBRIDGE 

Think    not.      [Opens    watch.]      1 1  :.SO.     Thought     so. 
How  are  you? 

DO  LEI:  x 
Very  fit.      How  are  you? 

CAl'TAIX     TRAWBRIDGK 

Jolly.      [Sighs  heavily.]      Is  Lady  Sweetmarch  in? 

DO  LEI:  x 
No.      They  have  all  gone  to  Tatr's. 

CAl'TAIX     TRAWBRIDGK 

Q-q-quite  alone? 

DOLEEX 
Quite. 

-       S5 


J  U  S  T     A  S     W  E  L  L 

CAI'TAIN     THAWBRIDGK 

No  one  likely  to  disturb  us? 

DO  I.  F.  IN 
No  one. 

(ATTAIN     TRAWBRlIH'iE 
(ilad.       [Looking  at  prrtfnti.]       More  of  'cm? 

DOI.EKN 

Yes.      Twenty  .since  yesterday. 

(     \TTAIN     TU  A  \VHRIDGI-: 

[(ilrmmily.]       On    Friday! 

I'Ol.KKN 
I.  r  ---\es         Hastings---  on   Friday  —  that  i.s  if - 

(ATTAIN     TKAWBRIDCK 
Awfully   near! 

POI.K!  N 

Isn't  it ':      \  )o  you  know,  I 

(    \  TTAIN     TU  AWBRIIu;i: 

S-s-srrioi;s  h-l>-husiness,  isn't   it  : 

no i. K.I  N 
What  is? 

(ATTAIN     Tit  AWIIRIPCK 

Fridny's. 

IiOI.KI   S 
f'ii.    \>s;    hi,    li.i  !        ,  I.tiU'i'ns    :ir  r  T  -inn!  (/•  ;        Hut 


.1  U  S  T     A  S     W  E  L  L 

CAPTAIN     TH  AWnniDGE 

Thought  it  well  out?      [Looks  at  her  anxiously.] 

DOLEEN 

[Jumping  at  the  opportunity.]      Yes,  Hastings,  I  have, 
ami  I  have  conic  to  the  conclusion  -- 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGF, 

Must  go  on  with  it?     Thought  as  much.      [Sighs.] 

DOLEEN 

Well,  really,  ha,  ha!      [Laughs.]      As  a  matter  of  fact 
I  was  going  to —      [A  little  nearer  to  him.] 

CAPTAIN     TKAWniUDGK 

I  know,  I  know.      It's  dreadful.      So  near,  too. 

DOLEEN 
Yes,  but  what  I  was  going  to  say  was  — 

CAPTAIN     TRA\V  BRIDGE 

Don't  let  us  talk  about  it.      [Picking  up  jewel-case.] 

DOLEEN 
[Grorchig  excited.]      But  I  must.      Hastings,  I  can't — • 

C  A  P  T  A I N    T  U  A  W  B  R I D  C,  K 

I    say,    they're    j-j -jolly.      [Holding    up    a    diamond 
spray.] 

DOLEEN 

Aren't  they?     Er  —  but  I  - 

-      87 


.!  T  S  T     A  S     W  E  I.  L 

CAPTAIN     THAWBRIDGE 

Tried  thrm  on.' 

DOLEEN 

I  havr.      Fnncv,  Hastings  - 


CAPTAIN     TnA 

Look  r-r-ripping  nt  n-night.      Wouldn't  they? 

DOLEF.N 

I  In.    !..-»  '      \\'ouldn't    thcyr      [Tuti    her    hand    on    hit 
ihnuldrr.*       I  listings  —  -just   now  - 

(ATTAIN     TUANV  HRII'Uf. 

'  Titkrt  up  an'ithiT  rn.tr.]      That's  a  rum  thing.      Got 
no  Ifiiniin     or  end  to  it. 


IMM  KIN 

'  Sri^ft  /i:i  It-it  hnii'l.  Hnstinps,  \\hrn  you  spoke 
;il>Miit  I  rid  iv  j>ist  now,  n  new  liijht  sccincd  to  dnwn 
ujion  inc. 


(  \  r  r  \IN  TKA 

\  Disrnqanf*     Inmxrlf.]  I)id      it.'      \r\rr     mind.       It 

u1!'.    1  <•  all    fur  tli«-  |x-st.  [I'icLs  u[>  a  jyafknfjf.]      \\  \\t\l 
.ir.    thrsr? 


I     \I'T\1N      '!  It  \U  II  !!!!'(.  I 

I     (1  'i"n'(     think     nrj.'li    -f    thnii.       '//('/./IN;/ 


JUST     AS     WELL 

DOLEKN 

[Quite  twfetly,  with  an  entire  chanf/i-  of  manner.] 
They're  from  dear  l.'ncle  Hurry.  He  scut  a  cheque  as 
well. 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGK 

Oh?     How  much  ? 

DOLEEN 

Five  hundred. 

C  A  P  T  A I N    T  R  A  W  JJ  R I D  G  K 

That's  useful. 

DOLEEN 

Wasn't  it  sweet  of  him?  And  your  father  sent  a 
shawl.  [Hunts  about  for  it.]  1  must  show  it  to  you. 
[rinds  it.]  Isn't  that  too  .sweet? 

C  A 1 '  T  A I X     T  R  AW  1)  R 1 1)  G  F. 

I  thought  the  guv'nor  would  send  a  shawl. 

DOLEKN 

That's  all  he  did  send. 

CAPTAIN*     TRAWBRIUGK 
Ah! 

DOLEEN 

How  old  is  he,  dear? 

C  A  I'T  A I X     T  K  A  W  B  RIUG  K 

Sixt. 


JUST     AS     W  E  L  L 


DOLEEN 
\'cry  healthy,  isn't  he? 

CAl'TAlN     THAWBR1DGE 

Gruws  younger  every  clay. 

DOI.KKN 

\Trti\ny  to  yrl  back'.}       Do  you  know,  Hastings  dear, 
that  a  couple  engagrd  as  we  arc  - 

(  AI-TAtN     TKAWBRIDC.K 
—  ('.id  ! 

DOI.KKN 

On  tin-  trink  of  m.-irringr  - 

CM-TAIN     TKAWHHIl)i;K 

Thrrc  nu>r<'  dnys. 

DOI.F.F.N 
;«rc   placed   in  :i  terrible   position  - 

(.  \r  r  \IN    TKA\V  iiuiiir.K 
Awful. 

DOI.Kl   N 
Ai..l   it    u  .IN   fi.r  t!i:it   \  •  ry  rra-xdn   tli.-it   I   am  goin^r  to 

(  '  A!  -TAIN      TK  \\S  HKllH.l 

^  i  •-,  .     1     know 

l>()  I  I  »  \ 
J'/i.t    \«>u    li'iti't    Lii'iw.       \(iru:,iii/   di\<irti   fli/flin.] 


JUST     AS    WELL 

CAPTAIN    THAWBKIDGE 

I  d-d-do  —  only  too  well.  [Takes  up  the  two  large 
boo  fit.] 

DOLEEN 

What? 

CAPTAIN*  TRAWBRIDCF. 
Sermons!     By  Jove!     These  are  ripping! 

DOLEEN 
Aren't  they? 

CAPTAIN*     TRAWBRIDGF, 

[Opens  volume ;  reads.]  "  The  thorny  path  of  duty." 
Duty!  [Looks  tit  DOLEEN*.]  The  thorny  path! 
[Braces  himself.]  I'll  t-t-tread  it. 

DOLEEN* 

[Breaks  into  a  merry  laugh.]  Fancy,  Hastings,  ha, 
ha,  ha  — 

CAPTAIN*    TRA\VB  RIDGE 

[Solemnly.]      I  say,  don't  laugh ! 

DOLEKN* 

Oh,  but  I  must.  It's  the  funniest  thing  in  the  world 
• —  ha,  ha,  ha  ! 

CAPTAIN*    TRAWBRIDGE 

{His  arms  full  of  the  books.]  D-don't!  I  c-c-can't 
bear  it. 


91 


J  f  S  T     A  S     W  E  L  L 

DO  LEE  X 

Do  put  the  «icrmons  down  and  lUtrn.  You  must  know 
—  fin,  ha,  ha!  I  rrally  can't  lu-Ip  laiijjhinir.  but  I  have 
ju.st  found  out  —  it  rrallv  is  too  funny,  hn,  ha,  ha!  —  • 
tliat  you  and  I  arr  nut  a  bit 

(  \rr  UN   TK  \WURHH;K 
Dolrrn  '      [Solemnly.] 

IiOl.K.KN 

[Sto}>t  lauffhint/.]      !  I.-tstiii^s. 

(    \  I-T  UN     Tit  \\viiHIDi.I-. 

[Holding  liuukt  out  at  arm's  lemjth  in  entreaty.]  You 
must  return  thnu. 

Ml  1.  1   I   N 

[In    atn<i~<-fn  nl.  _       Tin-    Mr:imn-: 

(     \  I'T  US       1  It  \U  1IKI  IM.I. 

F.vrrv  tiling, 

MM.J  :  s; 
nurr   iinut~ril.         ]  icrvtliinj* 


;  1  1  1  i  i  \ 
I    duii't    mull  r-t  n..| 

<     V  !'  I    '•  I  '.      TK   \\V  HIU  i't.  I. 

It'-    L  1    i'-tf-  r    -.    ,u    n.  -..  r    -.!...  ul.l. 


JUST     AS     WELL 

DO LEE N 

Really,  Hastings  — 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGP, 

It  is  dreadful. 

DOLEEN 

Why,  what  has  happened  ? 

CAPTAIN    TKAWBRIPGF, 

[Growing  excited.]  It  c-c-can't  be.  The  f-f-fact  is, 
I'm  a  fool.  [Drops  one  of  the  books;  picks  it  up.]  I 
m-m-mcan  I've  b-b-been  a  f-f-fool.  [Drops  the  other.] 
D-d-damn  !  I  beg  your  pardon. 

DOLEEN 

What  do  you  mean  ? 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIDGK 

[Replaces  tlie  bonks  on  the  table  and  icalks  toward 
DOLEEN.]  Dolcen!  I  c-c-ean't  m-marry  you  on 
F-F-Friday. 

DOLEEN 

You  can't  marry  me  on  Friday? 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIDGE 

No. 

DOLEEN 

Then,  when  can  you  marry  me  ? 

CAPTAIN     TR  AW  BRIDGE 

X-Xever. 

-C  w  > 


JUST     AS     WELL 

[DoLKI.V  sit$  in  minified  amazement,  amusement,  jot/  and 
vexation."] 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIPGK 

I    know    I'm   a    h-h-bnitr.      I    oupH    to    be    h-h-horsr- 
«!iij>p»(i.      I  cl  (1-drsf  r\  c  it.      But  it  is  n  -not  my   f-  fault. 

IHH.KI  s 
Then  whose   fault  is  it? 

(•ATTAIN'     TKA\VHKII>(;i 

It  is   fair. 

I'Ol.M    V 

Oh!       [MiTrs  timinltj    n}>   f.ni!  il'.c-'.    th<-    r»nnt.^ 
(\ir\p.     i  it  A  \v  in;  I  lu.i 

D-D-I).  •!..•!..     I     1-Vl-     s.   :iir,,Mr    .'Isr. 


Oh!      Do  you5 

•  \  i  1  >  1  \     1  i;  \'.\  n  i;  Il'i:r 

I    kii'-w    it    wo;;',!    I    |.  j.ri-  ik    \<>t:r   In  art  - 

m>I  >i  N 
Hrr;ik  mv         n  <•!!.' 

•  \rr\t  v     i  K  \\v  HI:  i  ;><.i 

H  :t      it      is     I.  !.«-tvr.     \.-s.     f  f  ,r     !•  1>.  K-T.     »,.     r-  '.!i/r 

C    <     <   flli!.!;      :ir;(|     s    -.    M>hrr!\      thlt       I     LT»    it     lT!:lf     ll.'lS     CfMIIIC 
\  f  '  «  r  ,|i     i;s  ,)    (1  trl.Il       ' 


I  Virltnj? ! 


JUST     AS     W  K  I,  L 

CAPTAIN    THAWBRIDGE 

I  mean,  a  g-g-grcat  g-g-gulf. 

DOLEEN 

Who  is  she? 

CAPTAIN  TRAWBRIUGE 

An  a-angel. 

DOLEEN 
Oh  ! 

CAPTAIN    TRAWB  RIDGE 

If  y-you  c-c-could  only  s-see  her. 

DOLEEN 

Captain   Trawbridge,   I   think  you   have   behaved   dis- 
gracefully. 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

I  h-have. 

DOLEEN 

Abominably. 

CAPTAIN   TRAWBRIDGT: 
She  is  awfully  y-young. 

DOLEEN 

Indeed!      [Twisting  her  handkerchief  awl  tappimj  the 
floor  u-ith    her  boot.] 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIDGE 

Awfully  innocent. 

-c  «•'  > 


JCST     AS     \V  F.  L  I. 

DOLF.KN 

Really. 


Awfully  f  f-f.i.r. 

ix)  i  KKN 
Don't  he  nl  vird. 

i  \I-T  \i\    T»  .  \w 
To  sp.irc  voti  .1  i!i"!i!t  nt  s  p.'iiii 

I'OI.l.t  N 
[  I.auyhinr)   j        H:i.  hi,   li  i  ' 

c.M-  I  '  \1\    T  i;.\  w  Hltllu'.K 
I   know  how  you  must   suff<  r 

I'Oi.r.i  N 

Captain  '1  r.iwhridp-,  \<  t  us  <j':it'-  undrrst-iJiH  «-.n<-h 
nt!.»-r.  This  tfulf  t.f  it  Iris  (i[Mii»il  hctwi'di  us  is  (juitc 
tin-  ID'i^t  \vrlc<iinr  thilltr  th.'it  (mild  !ri\(  h:i  ppi  ivd. 


Eh? 

Ml]   !   !   v 

So    fir    from    hrr.nkmij    iu\'    hi  art.    nr.    nuii  i  <1,    r.iusinp 
r.i     a    ni"H)f  nt  s    pin;,    it    is    thi-    'Mi'     t!)i!i^    th'it     |     most 

lrsir.,l. 

(   \i-r\p      i  u  \  \\  n  ii  i  :>.  .  i 
I  h  '       \\  hit  '       'i  ".i    i!  '1  ili  In  t     \\    \^  isli    (.1    in  in  nrirr 


JUST     AS     \V  E  L  L 

DOLEEN 

Not  in  the  least. 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

And  you  don't  want  to  now? 

DOLEEN 

Certainly  not. 

CAPTAIN     TKAWBRIDGK 

N-never  ? 

DOLEEN 

Never. 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

Then  it's  all  right? 

DOLEEN 
Quite  all  right. 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGK 

[Delighted.]      By     George!     That's     splendid!     Ha, 
ha,  ha! 

DOLEEN 

Quite  a  relief,  isn't  it? 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIDGE 

Why  didn't  you  tell  me  before? 

DOLEEN 

You  didn't  give  me  a  chance. 

-C   97    > 


JUST     A  S     W  E  I.  L 

CAI'TAIN     TKAWBBIDGK 

You  were  going  to,  just  now? 

UOLEKX 
Yes,  but  you  would  interrupt  me. 

(..Xl'TAIS     TKAXVIJRIIHIF. 

Fancy  that. 

DO LEE N 
Odd,  wasn't  it? 

(  \ r TAIN    TI;  AXVHIU:><;K. 

Wasn't  it'  [  I.niitilis.  I)difi\  locks  at  him  and 
ltiu'/hs,  thrtj  lau'ifi  ttitjfthrr  ti  moment.]  Someone  else, 
eh  ' 

IK  1 1    I    1    X 

Yes. 

(  APT. US     TIlAWHKII'C.r. 

C'nMxi  rh.ip .' 

POI.KKN 

A    pet  ! 

(    X  1'TAIN     Tit  XXV  IIHI  IiC.i: 

[  DiiapfHnnlrilly.]  (>'  n  i!l\  '  I  IIK-.-HI  to  s.-ix' — • 
I'm  (I- -!it;tit.  <i  Oh.  ».-ll.  I  must  !,«  gnin^. 

IK i I  I  I   N 
T.»    tlir  ..thcr    one? 


JUST     AS     W  E  L  L 

DOLEEN 

The  Park? 

CAPTAIX    TRAWBRIDGK 

No,  Hurlingham. 

DOLEEN 
To  lunch  ? 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

Yes. 

DOLEEN 

So  arc  we ! 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

Oh  !     By  George !     I  think  we  will  go  somewhere  else. 

DOLEEN 

Tt  icould  be  better. 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGK 

Well,  good-bye.      [Holds  out  his  hand.] 

DOLEFN 

Good-bye.      [Arms  folded,  ignores  his  hand.] 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

See  s-something  of  you,  sometimes. 

DOLEEN 

I  dare  say. 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGF 

[Turns    to   go;   slops,   points    to    table.]      Oh!     What 
about  these?      [Indicating  presents.] 


J  U  S  T     A  S     W  E  L  L 

DOLF-KN 
They  shnll   p"  back   toniplit. 

(.'ATTAIN     TKAWnuinCF, 

Pity,  isn't  it  ? 

noi.r.EN 

TK  ink  so? 

C  \T'  T  \IV     T  K  \\V  Ui;p>r,F 
Still,    it's    .ill     f.T    til.'    l«i'Sl.        (M,,,,!    l.yr. 

I»OI.KKN 

Good-bye. 

CAl'TAI  N'      Tit  A\V  IIKllHii: 

I   linpr  you'll  1  ••  h:ipp;. 

MM  r.i  N 

Thinks. 

c  A  r  r  \i\'    rit  \wnui!u;j- 
I  )<i   1    kn»\v   liiin         in   'iny   w  i\  ' 

i'«n  i.i  N 
I   shouldn't  think  M». 

c  \  r  r  \i  N    TI:  \\v  HKI  IH.I. 
\n,     no;     df     co;ir>r     ii"t.      Quit'-     so. 
f  iinili  TT  ' 


Not  in  ti.'- 


JUST     AS     WELL 

CAPTAIN    THAW  Bill  DGK 

No,     no!     Certainly     not.      [Goes     to     door.]      Well, 
good-bye. 

DOLEEN 

[Calling.]     Hastings!    [CAPTAIN  TKAWBRIDGE  turns.] 
Have  I  met  the  "  angel  "? 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBBIDGE 

She's  never  mentioned  you. 

DOLEEN 

What  did  you  say  her  name  was  ? 

CAPTAIN    THAWBHIDGE 

I  d-don't  think  I  mentioned  it. 

DOLEEN 
Oh,  I'm  not  in  the  least  curious. 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

[Pauses,  comes  doicn  a  step.]      She's  only  eighteen. 

DOLEEN 
[Laughs  cattily.]      A  mere  child. 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

I  don't  know.      She's  a  woman  in  some  ways. 

DOLEEX 

Fair,  I  think  you  said  ? 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIUGE 

As  a  r-r-rose. 


J  f  S  T     A  S     W  K  L  L 

DOLEKX 

Known  her  long? 

r ATTAIN   TR A \VHKIUGK 
A  w-w-werk. 

DOLKEN 

Ha,  ha!      You  haven't  wasted  time. 

f  ATTAIN     TKAWHRIDGK 

N-not  much. 

DOLKEN 

And  you  are  going  to  m.'irry  her1 

f  A  TTAIN     TK  A\V  HHIDOK 

That  will  Ix-  my  privilege. 

DOI.KKN 

When  ? 

C1  A  TT  A I  N     T  K  A  \V  II K I  DC.  K 

Wrll  —  rr  —  I    menu   to  say  —  n   liit   long,  you   know. 
In  f-f-four  years. 

noi.FKN 
'  I.atKthinfj. }       Four   ve.'irs  ! 

(\rr\i\    PR  \-.N  nmnor. 
II'  r   mother'*   wi-.Ii.       Long   time,  eh  ? 

1'OT.r.i  s 
'  I.ir.t'))iinc)   \mminlr ratrlij.~\       YOU  are  stupid. 

(\  r  r.\i  \    i  K  AU  HKI  IH;K 
N  ''!.i::c   to   l.Tiigh   at. 


JUST     AS     WELL 

DOLKKN 

[Hysterically.]      Oh,  don't! 

CAPTAIN    THAWBRIDGE 

Ha,     ha!     Quite    so!     Quite     so!      [Suddenly.}     By 
George,  she's  divine. 

DOLEEN 

[Ind'ujnantly.]      You  said  7  was  once. 

CAPTAIN'    TRAWBRIUGK 

Did  I  ? 

DOLEEN 

Oh,  I'm  surprised,  disgusted. 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIDGE 

Yes,  b-b-but  I   say,  wliat  about  yourself? 

DOLEEN 

That's  different  —  lie's  a  man. 

CAPTAIN     THAWBRIDGE 

I  don't  see  there's  much  difference. 

DOLEEN 

He  knows  his  own  mind. 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGK 

Glad  to  hear  it.      Engaged  ? 

DOLEEN 

Yes. 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

Well,  you  know  — !     What?      Fixed  the  day? 
-C  103  > 


J  U  S  T     A  S     W  K  L  L 

DOLE EN 
Next  month. 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIPGF. 

Next  —  ?      I    s-s-sny,    you    haven't    1-lost    much    time 
cither,  eh  ? 

DOLEEN 

Why  should  I  ? 

CAPTAIN     TK  A\VHKIHi;K 

Quite    right.      Why    should    you?      Well,    I'm    j-jolly 
glad. 

DOl.EtN 
Glad? 

C  UTAIN     THA\VIiKIIK;r. 
I1'- for  your  *-vikr. 

DOI.KKN 

Oh! 

<•  \I-T  \i\    THA\S  i!Hinc:r 
Vi»u  d-d-dr srrve   .1   h-licttrr  in  in   t!..in   mi1. 

DOI.KKN 
I   know  thnt. 

(    \I'T  \I  S'     THAU  n  K  I  I'CT 
And   I'm  Hire  you  ought  to  IH    \-v«  r\    h:i|ijiv. 

1X1I.K1  .V 
I     UlCftU    to    be. 

-    i"*   - 


JUST     AS     WELL 

CAPTAIN'    TRAWBRIDGE 

I)-D-Doleen  —  d-don't  you  think  it  is  all  for  the 
b-lwst  ? 

DOLEEN 

My  meeting  Claude? 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBIUDGF, 

And  my  meeting  Clara  ? 

DOLEEN 
Yes,  I  suppose  it's  just  as  wrll. 

C  A  PT  A I N     T  H  A  W  B  RIDGE 

D-don't  you  think  we  might  .still  be  friends? 

DO LEEK 

Why,  of  course;  and,  Hastings,  you  can  always  look 
upon  me  as  a  sister. 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBHIDGE 

I  shall  be  proud  to.  [Looks  at  her  admiringly  for  a 
moment.]  You  were  v-very  f-fond  of  me  once,  weren't 
you  ? 

DOLEF.N 

Was  I? 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBBinGE 

And  I  was  d-devoted  to  you.      [Near  to  her.] 

DOLEEN 

Were     ou? 


J  L"  S  T     A  S     W  E  I.  L 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIDGF. 

[Holding  out  his  hand.]      Miss  Swcctmnrch  ! 

nOI.EEX 
[  TViA-inr/  Ai/  hand.}      Captain   Trawbridgc! 

[7Viry    ttand    turjcthrr    for    a    moment,    thrn    she    more* 
aicay;  he  yon  quietly  to  the  door.} 

noi.EEX 

[Without  turnini/  round.}  Hastings!  [TRAWRRinCE 
ttofjt.]  \\'nu\(\  VDII  lik«-  to  MT  liis  photograph?  You 
may,  if  ynti  lik'-. 

(M'TAIN     THAWHKIIT.K 

Think  it  ncrrssnry  ? 

DOI.KI  N 

I'm  sure  v«u  would  IK-  such  jf<md  frirnds.  [7*a/rtn[7 
up  photo-frame  from  mantel- piece.} 

c  M-TAIN    TK  \\VHKJDC.K 

Would  uou  lik<-  t<>  si-«-  {ii-rs1  \!'uts  his  hand  in  the 
hrratt  jiockrt  of  fits  font ,  trari'hinrj  for  it.] 

DOI.KI  s- 
I'm  not  int«rrst<-d  in  the  lr«st. 

ru-TAix    TRAwnRinr.r 

[Taking  out  thr  picture.}  To  know  \\<-r  i*  to  worship 
hrr.  [Looking  intently  at  if.l 

DOI.RFN 

at    framed   photo.]       H<"  s    .1    d^ir    ^!d    thing. 


JUST     AS     WELL 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

There  !      [Handing  photo  to  DOLEEN.] 

DOLEEN 

There!      [Handing  photo  to  TUAWBRIDGE.      They  both 
look  at  photos  and  hurst  into  laughter.] 

DOLEEN 

Clara  Catchpole  !      Ha,  ha,  ha  ! 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

Claude  Pluraleigh!     Ha,  ha,  ha! 

DOLEEN 

Fancy    falling   in   love    with    Clara!     Oh,   this    is   too 
funny.      [Sinks  onto  chair,  laughing  loudly.] 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIDGK 

Funny?     N-not  half  so  funny  as  you  liking  this  old 
idiot. 

DOLEEN 

[Seriously.]      Idiot! 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBKIDGE 

C-CJaude's  a  shocking  ass. 

DOLEEN 

Captain  Trawbridge,  he  is  my  future  husband. 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIDGE 

You're  joking! 

DOLEEN 

I  never  joke. 


.IIST     AS     WELL 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIDGE 
Well,  Claude's  no  joke. 

POI.KKN 

He's  mie  of  thr  dearest  mm  in  thr  world. 

C  A  PTA  IN     TK  A  \V  B  K I  DC.  K 

F    ran    quite    bflicve    that.      He   cost    me    a    hit    whrn    I 
knrw  him. 

DOI.EKN 

And    plrasr   rrmrmher   that   anything  you   say   against 
him   r«'tlrcts  on  inc. 

(•ATTAIN     TRA\\  IlKIDGF. 

And   [  lonkinrj  nt  photograph  }   you  tlircw  m-m-mr  nvrr 
for  this  silly-     for  Clntidf! 

noi.i:i  N 
1 1»    !•,  ;i  man  in  :\  million. 

(    M'TAIN     THAWHKII'CK 
I    Ix-licvr  th::t. 

DOI.FKN 

\(ni  needn't  sneer,  (  iptaiti  Trnwbridgf  ! 

CAPTAIN     THA\VHKIl'i;i 

Why,  he  hasn't  t-two  ideas  in  the  w- world. 

nOLF.FX 

Hr  lin^  five  thousind   pound"  .T   vf\r. 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIIT-F. 
How  much?      Fivr   hundred. 


JUST     AS     WELL 

DOLEEN 

What  do  you  know  about  it? 

CAPTAIN'    THAWBRIDGK 

I    ought    to    know    .sonic-tiling.      My    father    was    his 
t-t-trustee. 

DOLEEN 

And  he  has  only  five  hundred  a  year? 

C  A  P  T  A I X    T  R  A  W  B  R I D  G  K 

B-b-b-barely  that. 

DOLEEN 
But  he  will  have  five  thousand  ? 

CAPTAIN'    TRAWBHIDGE 

Glad    to    hear    it.      D-don't    know    where    it's    coming 
from. 

DOLEEN 

His  uncle  is  enormously  rich. 

CAPTAIN   TRAWBRIDGE- 
Well? 

DOLEEN 
Well  ! 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIOGK 

That  won't  make  any  difference  to  Claude. 

DOLEEN* 
He'll  leave  Claude  everything. 


JUST     A  S     W  K  I.  L 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBHH'GK 

Of  rour.sc,  if  you  know  — 

DO LEEK 

Well,  won't  he? 

CAPTAIN     TKAWBRinGK 

He  wasn't  going  to,  when   I   saw  him  last. 

1>O  L  KEN 

Why  not? 

CAPTAIN     TKAWBRIDGK 

Well,  Claude's  sueh  a  .silly  —  I  mean  he's  not  quite  — 
well,  any   way,  he's   not. 

DOLEKN 
Hut  I  don't  understand.      He  told  me  distinctly  — 

CAPTAIN     TRAWHHIUGK 

Never  In-lieve  a  word  he  says. 

IlOLEEN 

Do  you  mean  to  tell  me  C'laude  will  not  l>e  his  uncle's 
heir  ? 

C  \PT\IN     TRAWHHinOK 

Won't  leave  him  sixpence. 

POI.KKS 
Then  why  did  he  tell  me? 

CAPTAIN     TRAWIIRII'f.r 

Ah,  uhyY 


JUST     A  S     W  E  L  L 

POLEEN 

Oh!  [Moves  indignantly  up  and  down  the  room;  su-l- 
dcnly  remembers.}  But  he  hns  ,-i  shooting-box  in  Scot- 
land ? 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGK 

First  I've  heard  of  it.  Goes  to  his  cousin's  when  he'll 
have  him. 

DOLEEN 
He  has  a  yaeht !      [Growing  more  and  more  angry.} 

CAPTAIN    THAWBRIDGE 

Has  he? 

DOLEEN 

Hasn't  lie? 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

Of  course,  if  you  know  - — 

DOLEEN 
Has  lie  or  lias  he  not? 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIDGE 

Well,  he  lias.      Hires  it  —  very  cheap! 

DOLEEN 
Oh! 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIDGK 

[Looking  at  photo.}  By  Jove,  old  c-chap,  you  c-c-can 
tell  'em. 


J  U  S  T     A  S     W  K  I-  I. 

DOLKEN 

in  frarj.  ]       Hut  hr's  brilliantly  c-lcvrr. 

CAJ-TAIN   TK.\\VHKIIX;K 
[Hoar*    uttfi    lauyhter.}      C'Kvir!      Claude!      Ha,    ha, 

ha : 

DOI.EKN 

I  If   was  Sfiiior  WrangltT  «t   Cambridge! 

(    M'TAIN     THAU  HHIUGK 

He  was  ncvrr  .-it  C.-iiuliriilgc  in  his  lifr. 

[lUI.Ki'.N 

Hf  was  m-vrr  :it  <  .nnhridgt  .' 

(    Al'T  UN     TKA\V  UKIHC1K 

Kxri-pt  on   a  bicyclf. 

DOI.KKN 

But  whv  iliil  In    t<-!l  nir  siicli  sturiis? 

(    \  I'TAJ  S     TKAU  IIKIUCIK 
H'-  mu.st   linvr   l"-i  n  i'h:il!iu^  y«ni. 

!•«)!. I  »   N 
Th'Ti   it   W.TS   in   tin-   unrst   possibli*   tn^tr. 

<   AT  I'  UN     THAU  IIKII'ul. 
I  !»•   n--\  <  r   hul  riny   tastf. 

1)01. Kl   N 

Captajn  Trawl-rnl^*  ' 

- 


JUST     AS     W  E  I.  L 

CAPTAIN'    TR  AW  BRIDGE 

I  beg  your  pnrdon. 

DO L KEN 

I'll  never  speak  to  him  again.      [Her  eyes  flashing.] 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGK 

I  thought  it  was  fixed  for  next  month  ? 

DOLEEN 

I  wouldn't  marry  him  if  he  were  the  only  man  in  thr 
world.     Oh,  it's  monstrous. 

CAPTAIN     T  R  A  W  H  R I U  G  K 

It's  a  beastly  shame.      I'll  talk  to  him  pretty  straight. 

DOLEEN 

You'll  do  nothing  of  the  kind.      I'll  talk  to  him. 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

I  thought  you  were  never  going  to  — 

DOLE EN 
Hold  your  tongue!      [l^urns  aicat/.~] 

CAPTAIN     TRAWB  RIDGE 

I  think  I'll  be  going. 

DOLEKN 

[Her  back  to  him.]      Don't  stay  on  my  .iccount. 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIDGF. 

Would  you  mind  —        [Indicating  photo  in   DOLEEN'I 
hand.] 


J  U  S  T     A  S     W  E  L  L 

DOLEEX 

Kh?      Oh!      Ha,  ha!      Ha,  ha,  ha!     Clara?      How  old 
do  you  say  she  is  ? 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBR1DCE 

Eighteen. 

DOLEEN 

[  Contemptuoutly.}      Eighteen! 

CAI'TAIX     TRAWBRn>«K 

Next  March. 

DOLEEN 

Shr's  older  than   I  am. 

CAI'TAIN     TUAWBRIPGE 
That's  nonsense. 

DOLEKN 

I  oinrht  to  know.      She  was  at  srhool  witli  me. 

CAPTAIN     THAWBRIIKJK 

That's  nothing  to  do  with  it. 

UOLEKN 

Fair  as  a  rose!      [Mockingly.] 

CAPTAIN   THAWBRIDOK 
!•  igure  of  speech. 

DOLEEN 

She  was  auburn   last  year. 

•C  11  4  > 


J  U  S  T     A  S     W  E  L  L 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

T-t-tliat  is  ch-ch-childish. 

DOLEEN 

Her  proper  colour  is  red  —  a  horrid  red,  too. 

CAPTAIN     TUAWBKIDGK 

Will  you  kindly  give  me  that  photograph? 

DOLEEN 

Let  me  see  —  who  was  she  engaged  to  last? 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBHIDGE 

I  am  the  f-f-first  man  she  has  ever  known. 

DOLEEN 

Oil,  you  would  believe  anything. 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

[Holding   out   his   hand  for  photograph.]      Will    you 
kindly  — 

DOLEEN 

I   knorc  —  my  brother   Freddie.      She  threw  him  over 
for   Falconer.      She  threw  Falconer  over   for  — 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

You  are  quite  mistaken. 

DOLEEN 

Oh,  there's  no  mistaking  Clara. 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

Xo  one  like  her  in  the  world. 


.!  L*  S  T     A  S     W  E  L  L 

DOI.KKN 

I  should  tliiuk  not.  You  little  minx.  \  Linking  at 
photo.]  Vou'd  be  r.-ithcr  pretty,  if  YOU  wen  n't  frec- 
kled. 

I  ATTAIN     THAU  HKIUGK 

They   hnve   u   charm  of   tli«  ir   own. 

DOI.KKN 
Pity    YOU    haven't    «    \\aM.       [  \/i//    loukiny    (it   photo.} 

('ATTAIN     THAW  HIUI'1,1 
Will    YOU    l>r   ^ood    i  nom;li  - 

IUH.I  1  N 

[  Ti>  TltAwimnuiK.  j  l';n  Mir«-  !  hope  You'll  he 
happy 

('ATTAIN      TK  \  W  Hl!i!>i;K 
Will    YOU  - 

!>t  >'    1. 1    N 

^  nu  de.srrYr  to  he  \  on  irr  -o  confiding;.  There! 
[  Cures  linn  f>h<>tt>.  i 

('ATTAIN     THAU  IIKllM'.l 

Thank   you  —  mmd-hy  . 

I K) I   1   I   N 

Ciood-byc. 

('  \  TT  AI  N     Ti:  \u  lii:i!M.  I 
You   will   trll    C  lni;d-     uliit    \i,u    lli.nk    uf   hill). 

.f  i  K;  '- 


JUST      AS      W  K  L  I, 

DO LEE N 

Thr  wrrtrh  ! 

C  A  PTAl  X     TR  A\V  BRIDG  F. 

Sorry  I  had  to  disillusion  you. 

DOLEKN 

I  M'ish  I  could  have  said  nice  tilings  aliout  Clara,  but 
she  is  really  — 

C  A  PTAIX     TH  A\VB  K I  DC.  K 

(^uito  so,  quite  so.  Good-morning.  Good-bye. 
[(ior.i  to  door;  thinks  a  moment,  then  yocs  deliberately 
eloicn  to  DOLKEN.]  Dolccn  ! 

DOLEKN 

Well  ? 

CAP  T  A I X    T  K  A  \V  II 1!  IDG  K 

I  say  —  is  she  —  is  she  reallv  rcd'f 
DOLEKN 

Yes! 

C  A  I'T  AI N     T  K  A  \V  Ii  K I  DC.  V. 
J't'ri/  red? 

DOLEKX 
A  nasty,  ugly  red. 

CAPTAIN"     'IT  \\VHIUMC.F. 

[Shivers,  thinks  for  a  monirnt.]  And  \V,TS  she  en- 
gaged to  Freddie? 


.i  i:  s  T    A  s    w  i:  L  L 

POM-.F.N 

For  six  weeks. 

r  \iT  MX    TR  A  \vMiinc.r, 
You  nre  not  rhafl'm^  im  ? 

UOI.KKN 
Captain   Tr.iwbridpc,    I    in  \<  r  rh.ifT. 

r.\rr  MX    TI:  A\\  niuiu-.r. 
Is  she  inorr  than  cisjhte'-n.  too? 

DOI.KKN 

Kver      minute  of  six-aiul-twent. 


CAi'T.MN    TI:A\V 
[Considering.]      I    don't   like  ln-r  mother. 

DO  i.  r  rx 
A  eat. 

CAI'TAIX     THAU  I!KIIH;r 

Slir  pot  ni<-   into  it.       \Thu\Lx.         S<T\C   'rin  hotli  right 
if   I   h-hrokr  it  oil'. 

I  Ki  I  I  I  X 

It  would   indrrd. 

(    \  I'T  \IX     'I  !:  \\\  IIKIlM-.f 

I  '\  r  n  ^">o(j  mind  to. 

!M)|    I    I    X 

\\'h     don't   \  mi  .' 


.1  U  S  T     A  S     W  K  L  L 

DOLKEN 
I'll  never  sec  him  again. 

CAPTAIN'    TRAWBRIDGF 

I   thouglit  you   were  going  to — ? 

DOLEEN 

I'll  icritc. 

C  A  I' T  A I X    T  K  A  W  B  R 1 1)  G  E 

Oh.      I   wonder  if  — 

DOLEEN 

Why  shouldn't  we — ? 

CAPTAIN     TRAWBRIDGE 

You're  a  dear  1-little  thing. 

DOLEEN 

Aren't  I  r      You're  not  half-bad  ! 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIDGE 

No.     And  after  all  everything  is  arranged. 

DOLEEN 

You  have  a  good  allowance,  and  India  is  unhealthy. 

CAPTAIN     TRAWHRIPC.E 

I  think  we  might  risk  it. 

DOLEEN 

And  then  there  arc  the  presents. 

C  A  I'T  A I N     T  H  A  W  n  R I  P C,  E 

Dole  en. 


JUST     AS     WELL 

DOLEKN 


Hastings. 


CAI'TAIX     TKA«  IUUD(iK 
I   .«i-.siippo«ir   \  on  tliink   nil-  a  h  hrulc. 

DU1.KKN 
We  all   nmkc  mistakes. 

CATTAIN    TK  \\vnnincr 
I  )o  yon  think  you  could  <v«r   forgive  mr? 

IIOLKKN 

I    could   trv. 

CATTAIV     TH  \\VIHUUGK 
I   was  very    f-foniish.   ^aMit    I? 

noi.Ki  N 

Sl>     \V    !S      I  .      WISH    t      I    .' 

(A  TT  MN      I  It  \\VJIRinciK 
AIM!  you   thmk  y«ui  could  .' 

I  "i  I  }•'.}'  \ 

Vr>  -         if     \  fill     \V«>ulii. 

<    \  r  I  \i  s    TIC  \u  Hi! MM;!'. 
n',!!   you    tr;.  ' 

I '  •  i  I    I    I    N 

'1. miking    ,/«.,n.          I    itrn    tr\m:' 

•    \rr\i\     i  i:  \  v.  ir:i  IM;  !'. 
'/'-I/.  ID  /    /!»  r   hnn.L  i        I  )<,l.-i  u. 


JUST     A  S     \V  I    L  L 

DOLEKN 

Hastings.      [He  kisses  JUT  hnn<l.~\ 

CAPTAIN     TKAV,  HKIUGE 

I  am  awfully  glad. 

DOI.KKX 

So  am  I. 

CAPTATX    TRAWHRIDGE 

Sure? 

DOLEEN 
Yes.      Are  you? 

CAPTAIN"    TR  A  \VHRIPGE 
Awfully  cjl ad. 

DOLEEJJ 

[Gives  a  little  contented  ,v /;///.]       All! 

C  A  P  T  A I X     T  R  A  W  n  R I  !>  G  F. 

\T.ooks    doicn    at    her.]      Ruin    things,    girls.      [Con- 
sideriiig.] 

DOLEEN 
Hastings  ! 

CAPTAIN"     TK  A  \V  B  RII>G  K 

Thought  I  k-knew  s-something  abmit  'cm. 

DOLEEN 

Don't  you  ? 

CA!JT  MX      1  K  \'.V  HliIIH;i: 

1  d;i  now. 

-r  i  '  i  > 


J  L*  S  T     A  S     \V  F.  L  L 

DOLEKN 

Do  you? 

CAPTAIN*     TRAWHRIDOF. 

Vrs  -  -  -  I  know   now   tlirrr   is  only  oiu-   in   the  w-worlcl 
worth  having. 

DOLEFN 

Hastings,   fancy!      Friday!      [Laughing  gleefully   and 


(•ATTAIN*     T  K  A  W  II  K  1  1  >C.  K 

Yes        Friday. 

IIOI.KJ  N 
[Imitating  him.]      "Awfully   nrar." 

('ATTAIN'     TU  A  \VIHU  I'CI' 

J-jolly  glail.  now.      I    say-      ^c'//   go  to   Ilurlingham! 
DOI.KI.X 

[('lapping  her  hands.]      Oh.  it  wmild  In-  lovely. 

(    A  1  TA1  N*     TRAU'  Illl  I  I'CI" 

Anil   wi-'ll  drive  tlirmigl.   tin-   I'.irk.   tirst. 

nol.i  I  N 
It  :.;'//  \»-  fun. 

(    V  TT  M  N*     TU  A\\  IlltH'C!: 
I'.'ist    h'T  llnilSf  - 

IK)  I  II   N 


JUST     AS     W  K  L  L 

CAPTAIN     TKAUURIDGE 

We'll  teach  them  a  lesson  — 

DOLEEN 

Tliey  won't  forget.     When  will  we  start? 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBniDOE 

At  once.      [  Taking  up  and  fondling  the  presents.]      No 
need  to  send  these  back  now  ? 

DOLEEX 

No.      Isn't    it    splendid?      [Taking    up    jeicels    again, 
and  tryiny  them  OH.]      Hastie? 

CAPTAIX    TRAWBRIDGE 

Dolic? 

DO LEEK 

[Looking  in  mirror  admiringly,'}      After   all,   I   think 
it  is  just  as  well,  don't  you? 

CAPTAIN    TRAWBRIPGK 

I'm  sure  it  is  just  as  well.      [Destroys  the  photographs 
of  Clara  and  Claude.] 

DOLF.F.N 

[•Si/i<7*.]      "  There  came  a  lover  to  a  maid, 
All  on  a  summer's  day  !  " 

[TuE  CERTAIN  hides   them  from  nYu.1.] 


TJII:    DAY    OF    DUPES 

WRITTEN   IN    1807 

i)  KOH  PRODUCTION,   H)l  t 


"  Oh.  Itcnrt!      <>!:,  >>'"(><!   th.it   fr<-c::rs.  Hood  that   hums! 

Earth's  r i- turns 
J-'or  K-hnlr  ccnturirs   of   fntln,  n»u»-  untl  sin! 

Shut  them  in 

Jl'ith    their    triumphs    ami    th,-ir    </!»ri<-x    fin, I    the    rest, 
Loir  i.\-  best! 


THE  CHARACTERS  IN  THE  ALLEGORY 

THE  ARTIST  THE  LITTERATEUR 

THE   POLITICIAN  THE   ATTENDANT 

THE  FINANCIER  THE  '  DUPE  ' 


IIFKOIU:    THK    ITHTMN    1:1-1    -.   Til!!    LIMIT*    IV 

TIII.   TMK.  \riii:    \i  i     i.owrnr.ji.      <MI\U:S   AUK 
MH-N  i>Kn.    -t  M.MONI.MI    TII>:     \nm:N<i.    TO 

TIIKIII     .sK  \T«.         WIIKN       M.I.      I-     -'III. I..     I  HUM 
I:K  III  M>    Till,    i  t'K'l  \l  N    "   I'oi:  I  I;  MT    No.    'J'J  ' 

}|((»N»    nfulNHTr.iN'fl   "K\MMK\OI    OSTKOW 

IS     1M    \\  I  M     ON     «•  TIM  N  I."  .     I  N  <    I  '    I'l  \  (t       (    HI.  I  O, 
II  Alt  I1.     \  lol.A     A  \  i)     \  Inl.lN-. 


INDUCTION  spoken  />//  THK  '  DITK  '  standing  motionless 
in  front  of  a  black  velvet  hanging.  She  is  in  com- 
plete (lurk-ness  save  for  a  single  ray  of  light  stream- 
in  tj  i.n  her  pale,  sorroii'fttl  face. 

I    am  the  sprite 

Tint    reiirMs    at    night. 
My   body   is    fair    for  man's   delight. 

I    leap    find    lauirh 

As   the  wine    T   quaff. 
And    I    am   the  Queen  of   Astrofelle. 

I  curse  and   ^\vear 

In   my   demon-lair; 
(    shake   wild    stmlie  mis   out    of  my   hair. 

I    uridden    Hie   ol>', 

'    dadden    (lie    Imld. 
And    I    am    the   Queen    of    A-trofelle. 

(  >i'   churchyard    stone 

I    lia\<-   made   my    throne; 
My   locks   arc   looped   with  ;;    dead   man's   hone. 

Mine   eyes    are    red 

With   the   tears    1    shed. 
Anil    1    am    the   Queen    of    Astrofelle. 

In    cities   and    camps 

I    have   lijrhted    my    lamp>. 
My    lueses   are   cautrlit    hy    kiii;r--    and    tr:nn])j. 

With    r:Mit   and    revel 

M\    i..iir    1   di  -h>  vel. 
And    1    am   tlu    Q'u  ,-n   ni'    V  lrof<  lie. 
-f-   \     i»  *V 

i  .       I     -  •        _ 


T  H  K     D  A  Y     O  1-      DUPES 

My  kiss<-<   HIV  stains. 

Mine  nnn*  nrr  chains 
My  forrhencl  is  fair  .-mil  fahe  like  Cain's. 

My  fn\n  \*  1"  •<. 

Mine  honour  is  ilro-.-. 
And  I  am  tlir  (Jm-t-n  of  A-tr.)tVHi- ' 

Krom   the    !\..-:>-.   of   tin-    l.V"    Kr>    Ma.-'kaj. 
PuUi>h»:J    bj    Juines    Pott    ^:id    CoB»|>»n}-. 
New    York. 


Till".    DL'I'K 


THE     DAY     OF     DUPES 

The  action  passes  in  THE  '  DUPE'S  '  Koudnir.  It  in  a 
sombre  room,  draped  in  heavy  black  and  green  rel- 
vet.  Everything  is  in  perfect  harmony  of  tone.  The 
hangings,  the  tapestry,  the  furniture  —  all  decorative 
yet  sul)dued  in  effect.  A  fen'  admirable  pictures,  a 
(/rand  piano,  two  easels  with  unfinished  paintings  on 
them.  A  small,  revolving,  three-shelved  book-case 
filled  with  rare  volumes.  A  deeply-recessed  fire-place 
in  which  a  bright  fire  is  blazing  and  over  which 
stretches  a  massive,  hooded  mantel-piece.  On  the 
mantel-piece  are  a  clock,  jniniaturcs,  cameos,  photo- 
graphs, and  one  large,  framed  portrait  between  two 
small  mirrors.  A  solid  table  on  which  are  papers, 
magazines,  a  few  books  and  two  large  bouquets.  A 
lounge  with  a  smaller  bouquet  lying  on  the  cushions. 
A  fourth  bonquet  is  on  the  piano. 

A  cabinet  on  which  are  champagne- — -bottles,  decanters, 
syphons,  cigars  and  cigarette-cabinets  a;>d  a  trat/  with 
glasses,  corkscrews  and  matches. 

The  atmosphere  is  one  of  Ftohcmianism  and  Dilettante- 
ism. 

When  the  curtain  rises  the  room  is  quite  empty. 

THE  ATTENDANT  enters.  SJie  is  n  woman  of  about 
thirtu-fii'c :  dark,  sinister,  mysterious.  She  has  a 


T  II  K      DAY      01       iJ  I    i>  K  S 

(iiiiik,  penetrating  look,  and  a  hard,  staccato  utter- 
ance. Sh,-  looks  around  the  room  sharply  ax  if  to 
satisfy  herself  it  is  unoccupied. 

TMK     ATTKNDANT 
f/Vrry   <}nict!t/.]      \\  :iik    in,   sir. 

[Enter  TMK  I'OI.ITK  i  \  N,  n  short,  xlout,  florid  nun;  hold, 
;k ///I  a  fr'ni'/'-  of  :.hite  hnir  at  the  hack.  He  iv  T;I 
er>  niii'f  i/rexs  :,.ith  n  cl»ak  rr,vr  it.  lie  7..varv  an  »•'/•"- 
ijlass  ;<.•///(/«  he  tuif*  •,./'/(  ^hcts  sp<akinif,  fi.rrs  in  his 
ci/r  a/it-'j  interested.  (>rcli:-f  in  button-hole.  (ienial 
and  cuurtlt/  manner.} 

TI!  I       \  I   Tl   N  I"  \  NT 

Sin-  won't   1 '•  l""u.     :r.      Sl«-'s  dri--sinj;. 

'I'll  K     I'Ol.ITlcl  \N 

[Almost    ujii.i[)i  riii'i.}      '!'!   nikv,    thank    vmi.       [Jl'alkx 
to    'uhle,   hnnu'imt   tin''-.      (Unni-it    uneasily    at    Tin:    A'r- 

tfii     f.re.       He   y/./..,    ,.  ;i    ,t    <   .;,,i          ,'.'.;.-.,.,•    // •  v   elm:!:    i>:J'.\ 
'11!!        \  1   I  1    N  !>  \  NT 

^(iiiin't   la   //IT/I,  i        I  '  '    ;.-<     t  ik i-    it,    ^ir. 


I  HI.     All!  .N  :•  \.NT 

\\'<  n't    \  '.11    -it    l        t!i-  It's    .ilrnnst    CM!,!    l.- 


T  JI  1.      DAY      OF      IMP  K  S 

TIM:   I'oi.riK  I\N 

Quite  ehiih,  quile  chilly,  {dors  to  (in-jiluer  and 
stretches  out  his  hands  to  (In-  flames.  ]  Will  you  -  -  cr  — 
tell  her  1  am  licre  ? 

TH  K    ATTKNDAXT 
She   knows.      Heard    von    rinir. 

THF,  i-oi.rrici  \x 

Ali!  [  IIaniiin</  her  a  >-<>in  —  nodilitifj  pleasantly.] 
Buy  yourself  something1. 

TH  K    ATT  I-.X  HAN'T 

Thank  von,  sir 

TUK   I'Oi.rnciAx 
Kr — -you  nevrr   reeotriii/c   people   who  call   here? 


Never ! 

'1'HK     rOl.ITIClAX 

Exactly. 

TH  K     A'l'Tl.N  I) A  NT 

A   (jiiiet   tongue    saves    a    deal    of    trouble.      [Cioiny    to 
door.  \ 

THK    roi.ri'iciAx 
Quite  riii;ht  —  (/;<;/(•  ri^in. 

[./  \co»niii'.'i  i'oiic,  fiiiii/iii'/,  rt\fs  1  nun  iltc  adjohiimi 
roo,ii.  Tin-:  ATTKN  \xv  fmnxi-x,  lixieninff.  THK 
Poi.mriAx.  luul'inc.  around,  cat<li<s  Tur.  ATTKND- 


T  II  K     D  A  V     01       1)  I    I'  1.  S 

ANT'S     eye.      THK     I'OI.ITII  i.\\     and     Tin:     A TTKXDANT 
stand  a  second  in   the  attitude  of  listening.] 

TIM:   rot. i  n<  i  \N 
[If  ith   a  filt  used  smile-.]       Ah! 

THK    AT  I  I INIiANT 

Her  Birthday.     See  tin-  flowers?      [does  out.] 

THI:  roi.iTKivN 

[Looking  at  floiccrs.]  My  Ixniquet!  |  Sjnells  it.] 
Beautiful!  I)t  ar  me,  <]«  :ir  UK  !  [J'uts  it  do-^n-  -  sees 
another  boutjuet — -takes  it  up.,  H'ni!  Another! 
How  distressing!  D<  ar,  d<  ar.  [ //'•  i>ln<es  i!  an  lu-^-er 
shelf  of  the  rerolliiiff  l>o<ii:-<-iis<'.]  (Juitc  so  —  quite  so! 
[Suri'fyM  his  au  H  lioiti/uet,  -,^-ith  xnti.\fii>-ti,>n,  turns  to 
mantfl-plfce,  sees  the  framed  portrait  —  takes  it  in  Jiis 
hand.]  Oh  dc'ir,  d'-ar,  clfir  —  [  'I  nrn.\  his  head 
aii'ay.~\  How  dreadful.  SlKH'kiiiij!  How  could — she 
!)«•  pliotoirraplifd  like  that!  How  could  <-he  !  \  I'i.re.t 
in  eye-tjlass  —  examines  it  i!»st\i/  —  rirailiiaUt/  a  jileasrd 
stride  eomex  at  r«ss  Ai.v  fai'e.]  l)ctr  in'  !  \\  ond'  rfullv 
like  her!  Sujn  rl>  woman-  s'i|)«-rli'  All  the  same  I 
wish  she  wouldn't-  [Looking  around.]  \  \\ish  she 
wouldn't  —  all  !  \(ioex  t<>  reiuhinij  l>o<>k-ci:se  and 
plarrs  photo  on  /o.\  er  shi'lf.  iit-iir  the  second  I'oit^tirt,] 
That's  Ix-td-r.  Sucli  a  pity  t>.  ha\e-  -t-r  —  iluit  —  in 
so  —  prominent  a  position!  (^;;iti-  so  —  (|t;itf-  so!  Dear 
inc  !  ['/'he  ,  lack  strike*  nine.}  N'iiic.  1  mot  he  in 
my  s»  at  l>y  |l»:M)  t  .ni-!.|.  'I'!,  d- 1  •»'••  ojit-n.s  at  « devi  n. 
\.Sto;. i  I.,  fore  rasr!.]  H.  i':tifr.l'  \«  ry  l»rautiful! 
•f  1  I  **- 


THI:    DAY   or    DUPES 

Her  own  work  too!  [Takes  out  notcx,  Inoltt  al  them, 
then  speaks  from  memory.]  "The  man  who  gives  his 
life  wholly  and  solely  to  his  country's  welfare  —  must 
be  ready  at  any  and  at  all  times  to  —  to — [His  t-ye 
falls  on  the  bouquet  resting  on  the  lounge]-  — to  his 
country's  welfare—  [fixes  )iis  eyeglass,  takes  bou- 
quet and  examines  it  and  reads  card  attached.]  Dear, 
dear  —  this  is  very  unnecessary.  I  wish  —  she  didn't 
know  quite  —  so  —  ninny  —  people  —  [deposits  it  on 
second  shelf  of  hook-case,  then  resumes  his  speecJt] 
—  to  his  country's  welfare  —  must  be  prepared  at  any 
and  at  all  times  to  sacrifice  his  home,  his  kindred,  the 
dearest  wishes  that  bind  him  to —  [stares  <it  bouquet  on 
lid  of  piano]  — dearest  wishes  that — "  Faugh!  [Ex- 
amines card.]  Poetry!  She  has  a  large  circle  of — 
friends.  A  very  large  circle. 

[Enter  THE   ATTENDANT.] 

THK    ATTKXDANT 

This  way,  sir. 

THE     POLITICIAN' 

[Alarmed.]  Good  gracious!  litre  is  someone  else. 
[Throics  bouquet  under  table  and  (joes  a:cay  from  the 
line  of  sight  of  the  door.] 

[Enter  THK  FINANCIER,  a  tall,  big  built  man,  -^-ith  a 
loud,  coarse  voice.  Black,  oilii  hair,  whiskers  anil 
moustache.  lie  is  extravagantly  dressed.  In  con- 
trast to  THE  POLITICIAN  he  is  blustering  and  assertive, 
the  other  quiet  and  diplomatic.] 


THK    DAY    or    DTPKS 

Till:     II  N  \NCIKIl 

[St-finy  Tin:  POI.ITU  I  \N  —  turns  an-aij.\  I'll  call 
again. 

TUT     ATTKNDANT 

She  particularly   wants  to  sec  you.  sir. 

TIM-:     KINANiTFK 
Oh.   docs    .she.'       [dluri-s   at    Tin:    1'ol.iTK  i  \\.  ] 

THK     1'Ol.ITKT  AN 

['10    Tin:    Arn:\i)\NT,    sitllinti    it}>    to   duor.\       I'll- 
I'll    look   in   :inotlnT   time. 

THK     ATTKM'ANT 

She  wants  to  s<  •<•  ;/«;/,  too  sir.  it  you  don't  ininil 
•waiting.  j  I'ldi  -c.v  il.nir  f'>r  Tin.  I  IN  \\CIKH.  \\  dn't 
\  on  --it  ilms  n,  ^ir  .' 

Till       I  I  N  \  M   !  I   K 


Ill  I.  I'OI.ITK   1  \N 
Ho\\    \>r\'    awkward!       H<   ir!       !  )•   ;r! 

Tin  i-  1  N  \  M  1  1  it 
N  ii-i-  tiling.  t!i  is  !•>  ! 


TIIK      DAV      OF      Dl'l'F.S 

T1IK     POLITICIAN 

[Examines  TIIK  FINANCIEH  furtively.]      A  vrrv  coar^ 
looking  person ! 

Til  K     I" IN  \  NCIK.K 

Can't  stand  much  of  this! 

THK     POLITICIAN 

I   suppose   I   ought  to  say  something! 

THI:    FINANCIER 

Makes    a    man    look    damn    silly!      \To    THK    J'oi.in- 
ciAN.j      (Jood  evening. 

TIIK  TOI.ITICIAX 
[Nervously.]      (rood  evening. 

THF,     FINANCIER 

Warm ! 

THF:   TOLITHTAN 
Very. 

THI:    FIN  \NCIKR 
Staying  long: 

THI;    POLITICIAN 
Oil,  no!      Just  ran  iu  for  a  moment. 

THF,     FINANCIF.K 

That's  all  right.      Snug  room. 

THE   roi  mriAN 
Delihtful ! 


THE     DAY     OF     DUPES 

THF.     FINANCIER 

Her    birthday.      [Takeg    up    THE    POLITICIAN''!    bou- 
qurt.} 

THK   I'ouTiriAN 
Yrs.      I   called  to  wMi  h<r  Irippy  returns. 

THK.     FINANCIKR 
So   (lid    I. 


been  look  in  fj  around  the  room  —  sees  Ins  n-cn  bnu- 
(jitft  on  shelf  of  book-rate  —  takes  if  up,  puts  THE 
POLITICIAN'S  bouquet  in  it.t  p!ti(e  and  his  o:cn  in 
prominent  position  on  the  table.  THK  POLITICIAN 
watches  him  inrlirjnantly.] 

THF.     FINANCIF.R 

That's  Ix-ttrr' 


THI:   r 
Dr.ir,  dr.nr!       I    \vi>h   tin-    fellow    would   po. 

I  I  !  I'.     M  N  \  N  t   I  F  H 

\Turninff    round    sutLlrnlii.'       I     !.:id    ,-i    good    mind    to 
rut  and  run  when   I  s;iw  you. 

THF.     rOI.ITICIAN 

Really? 

THF     FINANTIFR 

F.nct.      You  didn't   look   too  romfortahlr. 
Tin:   I'oi.rn*  i  \N 


THF-     DAY     OK     DUPES 

THF.     KINANCIKR 

[Laughs.]      Ha!      Ha! 

THK     POUTICIAN 

[Laughs.]      Ila!      Ha! 

BOTH 

H.n!     Ha!     Ha!     He!     He!     He! 

THK     FIX  A  NT  IKK 

Glad  to  moot  you.      [Holds  out  hand,] 

THF.     POLITICIAN 

[Feebly.]       Delighted!       Delighted !       [Tiu:    POLITI- 
CIAN and  THK  FINANCIER  shake  hands.] 

[Enter  THE  ATTENDANT.] 

THK    ATT KN DA NT 

Step    inside,   sir.      [The   ttco   men    turn    a-ca;i   and   go 
out  of  sight  of  the  door.] 

THK     POLITICIAN 

Another ! 

THK     FINANCIER 

I'm  damned ! 

[Enter  THE  LITTERATEUR.  He  is  a  spare  man.  :cith 
long  hair  —  pointed  hear/I — -pince-nez  --- ereninrf 
dress  —  ichite  fioicer — lu-.c  collar  and  /lo~c:;if!  neck- 
tie. He  has  a  soft,  pnrrinf/  roice  and  keen,  eager 
eyes.] 


•v, 


TIIK     DAY     O  I-      DUPES 

TICK    I.ITTKK  ATKl  R 

[Looking    ni    //if    /uo    mrn,    ichosc    hachs    are    toward 
him.]       I  thought   I   would  !><•  alone. 

I  Hi:     ATTKNDAST 
It's  all   right         sir. 

Til  I.     I.ITTKRATKfB 

It  is  nut  all  right.      I'll  call  tomorrow. 

THK    ATI  !.M»\N T 

Hu*  hhr  wants  to  M<-  you  particularly. 

Till'.     I.I  TT  Kit  AT  I.  I'll 

Eh? 

IMF.    ATTI.NDANT 
Most    particularly 

[TltK     I.ITTKK  ATKl   K     lot>kx     illf!  ii/HCIlf!  I/    (it     tflf     /7i'O     mfrtS 

hacks.} 

'I  H  I.     ruI.ITIi   I  \  N 
That's   what    sin-   sai'l   to  inr. 

ill  I.    >  I  N  \N«  i  r  i: 
\Vlint 's   thr   little   game         1    uornl-r: 

Till:     I.ITTKKATI  .1    K 
Can    I    wait    anywhere   rl.sr  : 

IT  IK    ATTl.M'AN  I 

No,  sir.      Sl.r   won't    hr   lonp.      >it   down.  I  Takes   h-x 

hat    nn'i    i  nnr  —  -  [iu'\    thr-in    a!    h,ic(         tttrtn  Mf\    r.'' 

tn    j,'t\:'iti'i         i<)n<  r  :></    rn.h     other          V/'M-I/',''  hrr    xhniii- 


TIIK     DAY     01       1)1  •  I»  F.  S 

tiers  with   a  little   laui/li.      (lorn   to   TMK    LITTKU  \TErn.  ) 
Pity  to  miss   her. 

THE    LITTERATEUR 
I'll   wait! 

THE    A  T  T  E  N I )  A  X  T 
[Glides  silently   to  tlic  door  and  (/oca  OH/.] 

THK     POLITICIAN 

It  is  really  too  had  ! 

THE    FINANCIER 

I'll  give  her  a  hit  of  my  mind   for  this. 
THE    L ITT ERATF.ril 

Exceedingly    disagreeable.      I    wonder    who    they    are. 

THE     FI  \AXCIEi: 

I've  a  good  mind  to  chuck  it. 

THE     I'OIJTlt  'IAN 
I   never  felt  so  uncomfortable  in  all  my  life. 

THE     LITTER  AT  En: 

[lit'aniiny  on  then:,  riil>lrin(j  Ins  he.nds  toe/ether  nerv- 
ously.} (iood  evening,  gentlemen.  I  rr^rei  tiiat  I 
should  have  disturbed  vou. 

THE     1'OUTKMAN 
[Without  lonkinn   round.         Not   in   the   least. 

TH  r     '      v;  \N<  'IEK 
[7?«cA-  still  tn  lih;i.}       Haven't   di-,ti:rl>ed   me. 


Tin:    DAY    or    DUPES 

THK   i  rr  r  Kit  .vrr.ru 
I  hud  110  idra  lliiTr  would  br  anvoni1  IKTC. 

Till.     FINANCIER 
Hadn't  you.' 

THK   i.rrn':KATi:rn 
Not    tlir    slightest. 

THi:     FINANCIF.K 

\\  ell,  there  is  —  somronr  hrrr. 

THK     MTTKKATK.rK 

So  I  prrn-ivr  -  I  a  in  afraid  that  I  am  an  intruder. 
[1'ausc.l  I  think  it  would  br  b<  tt<  r  jn-rliaji>  if  I  \\cr<- 
t<>  tT". 

THK     1  1\  \NC1KK 

l'»-r!iaps  it  would. 

THK     I.lTTl'  It  A  I1IK 

ng.]       It    lx  in^  h«  r   !>irthday  -  - 


THK     J  IN  \N(   II  .11 

[Turning  round  anr/ri/jr/.  j      \\'«11: 

THK     rcM.ITK  I  \N 
\.ln.iinun   In  conriluit''.]       I   r-       u  c   :i!l    railed 

TII  i.    I.IT  i  i  i;.\  rr  i  it 

F.xartlv.  Hour-MT.  t!"-c  f'nucrs  lii\'-  aln-ady  IKT- 
aldi'd  nr.  pxid  \\  i->lirs.  '  lidtnnti  'I  in  I  INANCIKH'H 
li<ni<jut't  frnrn  tlif  talilr.} 

.r-  I  j-j  1 


T  I!  E     I)  A  Y     ()  I-      I)  IT  I'  K  S 

Tin:   FINANCIER 
Put  that  clown! 

THE    LJTTERATErR 

Eh? 

THE    FINANCIER 

Put  that  bouquet  down. 

THE     LITTERATEUR 

[Glances    at    card,    drops    bouquet,    rather    alarmed.] 
There  appears  to  be  some  little  mistake.      Gentlemen  - 
good-night.      [Hurriedly   takes  up  his  Jiat  and  coat.] 

[TiiE  POLITICIAN  and  THK  FINANCIER  cjclianr/e  rcliered 
glances.     THK   ATTENDANT   enters.] 

THE    ATTENDANT 

In  here,  sir.      Be  careful. 

[TuE  FINANCIER  and  THE  POLITICIAN  recover  their 
positions.  THE  LITTERATEUR  t/oes  hurriedly  to  fire- 
place. Enter  Tin:  ARTIST. —  a  fair,  handsome,  icorn 
man.  He  is  poorly  dressed.  He  has  a  clear,  earnest 
T'oice  and  a  pathetic  face.  lie  looks  in  amazement  at 
the  three  MEN.] 

THE     I'OI.ITICIAX 

It  will  be  a  solemn  warning  to  me. 

THK     FINANCIER 
I  wonder  how  many  more  are  coming. 

THK    LITTERATEUR 
This  promises  to  be  interesting. 

-r  i  i.s  -v 


T  HE     DA  V     Ol      D  I  1'  E  S 

THK    ATTKXDAXT 

['/'(»  Tin:  AHTIM-.  ]      T.-ik<   ;i  scat.  sir. 

THK    ARTIST 

I    would    r.-itln T   not,   think  you.      \Morcs  in   direction 
a  f  door.] 

THK    ATTKXDAXT 

{.^toj)s    him.]       Stir    \v. -nits    to    MT    you,    most    particu- 
larly. 

\  Thr  thrrr   MKX  ffrhanife  (/Innccs  iiml  turn  a^caii.] 
Till.     A  It  IIS  T 

You  .-in-  surer 

THK     A  Til  N  DAN  T 

Quitr. 

Tlir     AI'.TIST 
[  I.otikinti  at  tJii    iitfii-rs.  \      And  vet 

THK     ATTI-NDANT 

ll'nilrr    her    l>r>dtli     to    THK     AKTKT.]       Don't     mind 
th«-in.  sir.     Slif's   just  ready. 

Till:    ARTIST 
\  1 1  <-\itati-s,  ttit-n    maLi-.\   up  Jii\   mtH(/.]       I'll   st  iv. 

THI.   ATTI-:M»\NT 

:  (!ni  .T     .tiltntti/     tit     dnnr,     linil.i     nun  I  ;"/!.//'/     <lt     thf     fmir 
nil  .;   urn/  i/iii  .v   nut .  ] 

m  i     iis  \x<"iru 

Sic  \  I  >  rn  iii'tkinu   'i   fool   of  mr. 


T  H  E     I)  V  Y     0  F     I)  [J  I'  KS 

THK     POTITICIXN 

I   would  never  h  ive  thought  it  of  her. 

TH  K    I.ITTI'  it  ATI; i  u 
I   must  not   be  recogmVed   here. 

THK     KIN  A  NCI  Kit 

I'm  ofT.      [  Wakimj  a  plunf/c  for  It  is  hat  and  coat.] 

THK     POLITICIAN 

It  is   impossible   to   remain   now  [(iocs  for  his  liat 

and  cloak-.  \ 

THK    T.ITTKi;  ATKKR 

The    risk    is    too   great —        [docs   (/uickfi/    for   his   hit 
and  coat.  \ 

[The  three  MKN  meet  at  the  tal>le  confusedly.] 

THK    AKTIST 

One  moment,  gentlemen.      Ji  anyone  should  go.  surely 
it  is   I.      1    have  onlv  this  moment  arrived. 

TH  K    urn'i:  ATK.ru 
I   w  is  only  a  seeoud  before  you. 

THK     KINANC1KR 
Well  —  so  was   I. 

THK    ARTIST 

III    that    ease    we    should    withdraw    in    favour    of    that 
gentleman.      [Indicating  THK   POLITICIAN.] 

THE     rOUTICIAN 

DfT  me,  no.      Vot  at  all,  I  assure  you  ! 

-£  i  !.5  :v 


T  I!  K     DAY     OF     DTPES 

THF.     FINANCIER 

Can't  understand  why  we've  nil  come  like  this. 

Tin:   ARTIST 
She   incited  me. 

THF.     I'OIJTICIAN 
Kr  —  she   invited    inc. 

TIM:     FINANt  IFR 
And  mr. 

THK     I.ITTI.i;  ATF.I'R 

/  certainly  h'ld  an  invitation. 

THK    AKT1ST 

Here  is  the  Irtter. 

THK     I'OUTICIAN 

Mine  is  destroyed. 

THF.     FIXANC1F.R 

Burnt  mine. 

THF.     UTTKUATF.FR 
[Starching   for  an<!   fhi'liini    th>-    nt>tf.\       Here    it    !•«. 

Tin:    i-ouTiriAN 
It  is  certainly  a  most  unfortunate  dilemma. 

THi:     I.f  TTl'.IlATF.FR 

It  l:as  a  solution.  We  nn-  all  rv:drntlv  invited  by 
son.e  ir.isunderstandinir,  on  t!ie  sa'i.r  e-.-f-nin^.  As  we 
•ire  rvt  known  t'i  each  other,  and,  I  ni.-tv  add.  under  lh(' 


T  II  K     D  A  Y     O  I       D  f  I'  1-1  S 

peculiar  circumstances   of  our   meeting,   it   is   manifestly 
unfair  for  more  than  one  to  remain. 

THE     POLITICIAN 

Quite  so. 

THE     FINANCIER 

That's  what  7  think. 

THE    AKTIST 

Certainly. 

THE    LITTERATEUR 

Let  us  draw  lots  who  remains. 

THE    POLITICIAN 

Draw  lots? 

THE    AKTIST 

By  all  means. 

THE     FINANCIER 

That's  fair  enough. 

THE     POLITICIAN 

Quite  fair,  quite  fair. 

THE     LITTERATEUR 

Very  well.  There  is  no  time  to  lose.  [  Takes  leaves 
out  of  pocket-book  and  proceeds  to  tear  tJiem  into  four 
square  pieces.^ 

THE     POLITICIAN 

Kr  —  gentlemen  —  I  presume  our  acquaintance  ends 
here?  I'm  sure  I  need  sa  no  more?  Kh? 


T  1  1  Y.    i  )  A  v    o  i     D  r  p  E  s 

TIM.     AUTIST 

I   understand. 

Till.    I.ITTKB.  \TF.UR 

Not  another  word. 

Till       I  IN  \NC1KU 
That's   \\h\l   /   think. 

TIM;   i-oi.nic.iAX 
\  ery   ur"»>l.  \erv  good  indred. 

•I-H  K   i.i  r  n'.it  ATI:  fit 

There.  \llftltls  up  thn-f  xtjitar'-s  of  paper.}  IMease 
full]  them.  [  Tm:  AUTIST  folds  jtaprrs.]  On  this  I  will 
write--  "  Itrmain"!  [H  rid's  in  juncil  on  pnptr,  folds 
it.]  Tin  Tf.  A  hat.  please.  I  'I'lic  AIITI-T  I'rnir/x  n  lint 
tin-  jxij'i  r.v  art-  tlinr.in  tntu  it  tini!  tln'n  tin  ;/  tira;^  tint 
unr  fill  h.  ] 

j'lm:    '  I):  i'i:  -      .•";.>•   l.iiin!  siii'ii"'!   I  mm   tht    ntl]innin(i 


I..-i/v.      .-iu^iiiiLT.      angui       . 

I'nl.tl    uf    a    kiss,     fdlltl    i'|"      i     ^l 


(^liic'.lv.       She    ii    (-"iiiin^.       [  77i,  //    nil   u'n-n    nut    pn^ 
'f    j  it  j>t  r.  ]       Hl.ank  ' 

•  1  rum  ••.Kni.v  "  I.;.    I)  mtr  ("-  il.rirl    I:       .  Mi. 

--    !  is  *'- 


T  II  K      DAY     01-      DTP  I.  S 

TlfE     POLITICIAN 
Rlnnk! 

TriK     KlNAVCir.R 

Hlnnk  ! 

Till:    AKTIST 

Remain." 

THK    POLITICIAN 

Quite  right,  quite  right,      [docs  t/iiirkli/   to  tloor.] 

THK    T.I  TTKItATF.ni 

Good  night,      [(iocs  to  iloor.  ] 

THK     FINAXCIKU 

Damn   nonsense.      [(Iocs   to   tloor.] 

[Tut:    '  DTPK'S  '   voice    risrx   nf/ain.      TJiei/   nil   turn   and 
listen.] 

THK   k  nrri:  ' 
[  Singing. ~\ 

"Destiny!      Destiny!      ~\\hy  am    I   sn  dark? 

I  that   liavc  beauty  and  love,   to  lie   fair. 
Destiny!      Destiny!      Am    I   hut  a   spark 

Track'd  under  heaven  in  (lames  and  despair? 
Destiny!      Destiny!      Why   am    I    drsired 

Thus  like  a  poisonous   fruil,  deadly  sv.-eet  ? 
Destinv!      Destinv!       I.o.  mv  soul   is   tired; 

.\fake  me  thy  plaything  no  more,   I  entreat' 

*  From  "The  Shavinu;  of  Slntrpat"  l\v  Gcortro  Meredith. 


T  H  K      D  A  V     C)  I       I)  L"  P  KS 

[  The  curtains  are  dratcn  back,  and  standing  in  the  cen- 
tre, a  hand  on  each  curtain,  it  Tin:  '  I)f  PK.'  a  beau- 
tiful icoman,  tall,  dark,  commanding.  She  it  in  ei'cn- 
inrj  dress,  -clth  /lourrs  around  hrr  throat,  in  her 
hreatt  and  in  a  rjurland  round  her  waist.  ] 

TUB    '  DtTK  ' 

How  sweet  of  you  all  to  come!  You  have  born  wait- 
inp  for  nir  ?  How  unusual!  It  is  I  who  have  always 
waited  for  you.  rli?  Well  —  havr  you  nothing  to  say? 

I  sec.      You     (}o     not     krow     «-n<  h     oth-T?1      You     shall. 
\Morernent    of   alarm    ami   prtitrst    by    THK    POLITICIAN, 
THE    I'iNAMiKK    and   TIIF.    I.ITTKHATKTH.      THE    AWTIST 
stands  staring  at   her.        ( Oinc.   hi-   introduced.       [Movet 
down.}       Messieurs      Ics  --   I'ouruiAN,      LITTERATET'H, 
I'iNANciEK  —        \Indicateg  each,  looking  round,  sees  THE 
AHTIST.]      Ah,    yrs.    and    AMTI-T.      \Theii    ho-.c   xtifflt/    /o 
each  other.}       No.  ii"  '      Too  cold.      Shake  hands,  plt-asr. 
{I.aur/hs     mirthlfMsly.}       You     nun     are     stupid.      Conir, 
Artist  — -  give   your    hand    to    I.itrraturr.      Politics,   yours 
to  Finance  — 

Tin:    roi.mriAN 

Mik'hf    I    suggest? 

Tin:    KIN  \NTIK.R 
Y«-s,    I    would    like   to  know 

•|  H  r    '  in"  rr  ' 
Yo!i    wonder    whv     I     have    hroupht    you    all    together? 

I 1  w.-is  indisrrcrt ,  eh  .' 


T  ii  F    n  A  v    or    n  i;  p  K  s 

TICK.     POI.mclAN 

It  was  certainly  unwise. 

THE     FINANCIER 

Simply   ridiculous. 

T1IK     LITTERATEUR 

It  was  hardly  fair. 

THE    ARTIST 

Perhaps  — 

THE  '  nri'K  ' 

I  have  brought  you  all  IK  re  tonight  to  bid  me  "  good- 
bye "  This  is  our  last  meeting.  Tomorrow  we  all  go 
different  ways,  and  we  must  never  cross  each  other's 
paths  again. 

THK     POLITICIAN 

How  very  distressing. 

THK    FINANCIER 

Humbug! 

THE    LITTERATEUR 

A  most  extraordinary  person  ! 

THE  '  nrrr.  ' 

[Turniiirj  la  TIIK  FINANCIER.]  This  is  what  you 
would  call  a  meeting  of  dirt  etors  to  wind  up  a  company. 
Debts  must  be  paid  t"diy.  pnrtnersliips  dissr)h  ed. 
But  we  must  do  it  pleasantly.  A  little  wine  a  little 
seriousness.  ;i  little  lauirhK  v .  and  l!;:'iil  \oilal--  (Jo1 
Come.  Financier,  take  the  chair  of  ti.e  H«vard.  I  She 


T  II  K      I)  A  V      O  1       I)  I    I1  K  S 

places  a  chair  for  /n'm.]  Sit  down,  sir.  [TliE  T'lN- 
AN<iKi;  sulkily  drops  into  chair.]  Fellow  directors,  ar- 
range voursclves.  Politics  —  there.  [Indiratt't  lounr/c.] 
Litterateur  in  front  of  Finance,  Artist  in  the  e<ntrr. 
(loo<l.  A  happy  augury.  Money  helps;  letters  hnmor- 
t;»!i/.e;  the  politician  sometimes  ennobles  the  artist.  Sir 
[to  THE  Airn>T',  von  are  well  placid. 

THK     I.  ITT  Kit  ATT.  I'll 

Most  happily  rxpressi-d. 

THK     POUTK  IAN 

Admirably,  (juite  admirably  ! 

THK     KINANriKU 
[I'nrlt-r  his  hrt'dth.]      Toin   foolery! 

TIIK     '   lit' IT.  ' 

Now     to     business.      1  irst  —  smoke!      Oh,     YOU  nwv  ! 

j  To    Tin:    FIN  \\<  iris,  j      A    Corona    for    you — .  j  Sh>- 

xrlfctx     urn-     nvl     f.:<irni",'x     it     iriticcilli/.]       There  t  ry 

that         and     ,lo     p].  asr-     l-.ok     ehe.rfnl!       Match,  s  '  | '/'.• 

Tin:     I.ITTKU  VTl'.t'ii.  ]       Intimidad     fi>r    the    author.  Sav 

"thank  YOU"  and  laiiu'li.  That's  !"  ttcr.  And  jioli- 
tics  -  - 

I'll  K     m  I.ITIi    I  \  N 

N<>t   now         thanks   vi  rv   much,   tli  ink    \ou. 

in  i.    '  nr  IT,  ' 
Ah       -  \oii  drhalr   t..rii-ht  - 


T  II  K     DAY     O  T     I)  I    P  KS 

THK   POLITICIAN* 
Yes  —  most   critical    position. 

THK    '  l>rPK  ' 

What  you  politicians  suffer.  I  low  grateful  we  should 
bo!  [Turns  atctty  with  a  little  laur/h  -  to  'I'm:  ARTIST.] 
Artist,  cigarette?  [Hands  him  one.  ]  I  will  join  you. 
Now,  wine.  Who  will  help  me?  [Ai.i.  risr.\  You 
open  the  bottles  [to  THK  I-'INAXTIKH  and  THK  AHTIST], 
you  bring  the  tray.  [To  THK  LITTERATEUR.]  And 
you—  [To  THK  POLITICIAN.] 

THK     POUTICIAX 

[In  an  undertone.]      Is  it  really  goodbye? 

THK  '  nri-K  ' 
Yes. 

THK    POLITK'IAX 

Anything  serious  ? 

THK    '   ni'l'K  ' 

Very  ! 

THK    TOI.1TICIAX 

If  I  can  be  of  any  assistance  — 

THK   '  oriT.  ' 
You  shall  be  — 

THK     I'OUTICIAX 

In  any  possible  way  - 

THK   'or  IM:  ' 
There  will  be  onlv  one  way  - 


THE    DAY    or    nri'ES 

THK     I'OUTKIAN 
Er        a  cheque  — 

TIH:  *  rri'K  ' 

Yes  on  your  tongue —  after  tonight —- that's  all! 
[Lauyht  mockingly  at  him.  } 

THK     !•()!. ITICIAN 

Really.  I  am  quite  bewildered. 

THK     LITTKRATKfR 

[Ilftltiin,/  up  (ilu.tx.}  Gentlemen,  I  feel  I  shall  be 
onlv  echoing  tl.e  thought  that  is  in  a!!  o'.ir  minds  at  tlii-i 
moment  in  wishing  our  charming  hostess  "  ii:anv,  inativ 
Jia})|)\  rrtiirn.-."  [They  ml  ilrin!.  ta  "  ninr.i/,  mnny 
lni[>i>il  n  turns.'' \ 

Tin:   '  in  ri  ' 

[Hfficintf  </••/)/'/•'  I  tliank  \<".i  fro:>i  inv  licart.  [Shs 
is  ttanjlnij  sin-  inoti'ins  tin-  uthfrs  t<>  !»•  sratr<l.\  And 
vrt  do  I  wan  I  niariv  r>  tnrnx  of  lixlav*  And  would  tlu'V 
lx'  hajifitif  [  \sond'-r'  And  -io\v  lict'iT«-  I  diMui-s  you 
I  am  pni!j_'  to  t«-I!  ;ou  ;\  little  •  t<>ry  .-ind  |>n  arli  vou  a 
little  sermon.  I  •>  it  not  ^ood  '  W  a!  do  vmi  sav  ?  You 
all  look  v»-rv  stupid.  I'o^r  m> n  '  Firs!  vou  shall  liavc 
thr  s1  >ry  h;.t  vou  mustn't  l.iu^h  it  is  '-••rio  :s  oh 
-very  serious.  I.au^h  !  ^  oil  \si!l  n<\er  lau^li  ayain 
to  jud^e  from  the  h-n^th  of  \our  fares,  iui\\  !  \I.nn>iJis 
7/c'rri/i/  /Ac;;  iuJclrnttj  xt'>]>.\  tiinl  in-i/mx  in  tin  altrrrJ 
tinif  -  suinrt  i  mi's  It'tiiiiiii/  tti/^.ttst  tli<  liil'li-  Mttni'timrs 
i'i</Tinti  iilia'it  in,.*-  niiiii'i  A \ititf  niif-  1'iin  iinothcr.\ 
'i\i-  n  \\  i,  i.ini  i  ^.rl.  'ili,  s;i,-h  :•  lineal.  ha|ipv.  inno- 


THE     DAY     OF     I)  I'  P  K  S 

cent  girl!  [Turns  to  THE  POLITICIAN.]  Innocent  as 
your  daughter  in  the  convent  —  and  as  happv.  But 
there  came  a  great  longing  in  her  heart.  She  yearned 
to  see  the  marvellous  world  that  lay  outside  her  prison 
bars;  to  catch  a  glimpse  of  the  lands  and  of  the  peoples 
she  dreamed  of  hy  night,  and  sighed  for  by  day.  And 
this  longing  grew  until  it  became  a  fever  that  consumed 
her,  that  threatened  to  burn  away  her  life.  She  was 
foolish,  eh?  Ah,  yes!  she  was  —  very  foolish.  But 
then  ;cr  are  all  foolish.  And  she,  at  least,  had  the 
excuse  of  Youth.  One  day  someone  came  lo  her  and 
offered  her  the  key  that  would  open  her  prison  door. 
the  golden  key  that  meant  liberty.  But  it  was  to  be 
paid  for.  A  price  was  on  the  key,  as  there  is  on  every- 
thing, and  the  price  for  her  freedom  was  the  captivity 
of  her  heart.  And  she  paid  it.  She  gave  her  deliverer 
her  young,  trusting  heart,  and  he  took  her  away  from 
the  home  she  thought  a  prison  and  she  saw  the  great 
world  of  lnauty,  and  lived  in  the  great  world  of  love, 
and  felt  that  happiness  had  nothing  more  to  give. 

THK     l.ITTKK. \TKfK 

How  wonderful  is  youth        golden  youth! 

THK    '  I) I'VE  ' 
A  beautiful  story,  is  it  not: 

THK    POLITICIAN 

Delightful  —  quite  delightful ! 

THK    FINANCIER 

Bosh!      Sickly,  sentimental   bosh! 


THE     DAY     OI      D f V E S 

TICK    '  DtTE  ' 

Artist  ?      What  do  i/ou  say  ? 

[Tut  AHTIST  moves  a-i-ay.] 

THE     LITTERATEUR 

And   a   very   healthy  lesson,   too.      Love  the  deliverer. 
Very  excellent. 

THE   '  nri-K  ' 
Yes.  but  the  storv  isn't  finished. 

TIIK     I.ITTKUATKfH 
Not  finished  : 

Til  K    '   III'  I'K  ' 
No;  tlie  IM  st  jKirt  is  to  conn-. 

TH  I.     I.ITTKIIATKI'R 

Ke.ill? 


Rut  ! 

THI:    '  i>r  IT.  ' 

One  dav  the  d<  liv«  r<  r.  tiriii  of  hi-,  eonipaniKn.  went 
]iis  u.iv  and  1<  ft  In  r  alone.  And  then  -hi-  found  tint 
slie  wis  more  a  [irixunr  than  she  e\  <  r  had  heen  in  h<  r 
home.  She  had  now  forbid  the  rhains  h,  r-.  If  that  held 
her  hound,  and  no  one  in  all  the  world  eor.h!  <\er  hre  iU 
th<  chain  (hit  memory  In  Id  together  linL  \>\~  link  \\hit 

-C  i-«i> 


T  II  F.      l>  \  V      01       1)  I    P  K  S 

did  she  do?  Faced  the  world  with  n  laughing  fnrr  ;  hid 
away  her  sorrow  ;  lived  freely,  carelessly,  recklessly,  but 
always  witli  the  chains  around  her  heart,  despair  in  IHT 
soul.  And  .slir  made  friends  who  took  her  awiv  and 
showed  lier  .strange  count rit-s.  Lands  where  the  sun 
shone  all  night.  Countries  where  music  and  painting 
found  echoes  in  every  street.  Cities  of  pleasure,  cities 
of  grief- — and  the  world  glided  by  her  in  brilliant  <juart 
d'heures  —  except  when  the  chains  pressed  —  pressed  — 
pressed.  And  then  one  day  something  happened  that 
she  had  always  dreaded.  She  had  one  love  that  she 
clung  to  in  the  great  waste  of  her  life,  n.  love  she  could 
never  speak  of.  could  never  show.  And  the  chains  that 
she  had  wrought  could  not  crush  out  that  love  from  her 
heart.  Was  it  not  strange?  It  was  for  the  keeper  of 
her  child's  prison, —  her  father.  He  died  —  whilst  she 
danced  and  laughed  —  far  away  from  him.  A  grim 
story,  cli  ? 

TIIK    ARTIST 

And  the  sequel  ? 

Tin;   '  nri'F.  ' 

That  is  to  come.      Rich  now,  through  the  death  of  her 
father,  independent   of  her  fririi'!*.  she  called   them   to- 
gether to  say   farewell,  and  to  close   for  ever  the  entries 
they    had   made    in    the   book   of   her   life.      Gentlemen  — 
my  story  is  ended. 

TIIK     1  1NANCIKK 

She   is   in   earnest.      Farewell?      Hah!      I'm   not   going 
to  lose   her  like  that. 

-C  1*7  3- 


T  H  K      H  A  V     O  I       H  I    P  E  S 


Tiir   r 
Can  it  bo  that  this  is  the  rnd?      Dear,  drnr. 

THK     MTTKllATK.ru 
[  To  THK   '  IhPK.  j       You   have   intrrrstrd   me   drrpl\. 

THK    '   IM'l'K  ' 

[/>»7ifjr  mockingly.']      Oh.  sir! 

TII  i;   i.i  T  ri  it  ATK.ru 

I  would  never  have  thought  it.  never.  It  has  been 
most  hi  I;  f-i!.  most  helpful. 

THK.    AUTIST 
j  To  THK  '  Dri'K.'j       Why  ha\e  you  done  this? 

'I'll  i.   '  nr  rr.  ' 

Wait.  You'll  si  i  •.  >ermon  m  \t.  Only  a  little  one. 
I'olitici  in,  \  on  work  in  a  ^lass  liou.se  "with  all  the  hlinds 
dra\\n,  and  rvrrythinp  Lr()('s  ^inoothlv.  liut  one  dav  a 
Mind  is  left  up.  tip  \v>rld  pei  ps  in.  and  then  then-  i-»  a 
eri^i>,  eh?  And  the  poliliYi.'in  has  to  ^o.  \\'hy  :  He- 
cause.  li!>.e  cveTylhiiiij  human,  he  has  made  n  mistake. 
This  is  a  mistake.  Take  care  no  Mind  is  left  up  ! 
\IInltlinij  np  <//,;AA.  i  H'  re's  to  tl.e  dra\\n  blind. 
[Mn-'iti'l  to  'I'm:  liNXNii'u.'  J'inaneier.  \c"ir  invest  - 
!i>'"'ts  in-  ijood.  vour  house  :  larp'.  \'oi;r  si  r\  ants  maiiv, 
\  oi.r  '.v  ife  fit. 

rn  i      i  i  \  \  N  (  1  1  u 
/.'")/.  -i,,i   u  ji  aiif/rilti.          It  /';•;'.' 

-"  i  :.  s  "- 


T  II  K      1)  AY      O  I       I)  I    P  !•:  S 

TIIK    '   DITF.  ' 

Oh,   it    is   true  your    wife    lias    lost    h<  r    jitr 
I5iit  there  arc  five      -  i>r  arc  there  sirS        children. 

TIIK    KINANCJ  I;K 
[Furiously.]      Enough  of  that. 

THE    '  DUl'E  ' 

Oh,  quite  enough.  .Hut  about  yourself.  You  have 
put  your  life  out  at  "profit  and  lo.ss  " — it  reads  lots. 
.Money  buys  you  nothing  that  is  worth  the  buying.  Jt  is 
a  millstone  that  is  dragging  you  down,  and  others  with 
you.  May  you  lose  every  penny  you  have  and  work  in 
the  heat  of  the  day.  It  would  be  your  redemption; 
POVERTY  to  you!* 

THE    FINANCIER 

Rot! 

TIIK    '  DUl'E  ' 

[To  TIIK  LlTTERATEUH.J  And  you,  man  of  It  t'.rrx. 
skilful  with  your  pen,  brilliant  in  imagination,  iook  up. 
my  friend.  Look  at  the  stars,  and  the  sky,  and  th-  s.iii. 
Smell  the  flowers.  Don't  walk  amongst  the  r-'fi;sc  m 
the  highways  and  the  by-ways.  lake  the  e'--an  n;,i  Un- 
healthy for  your  subjects,  not  tin-  halt,  the  lauie  and  l'ie 
blind.  Remember,  yours  i-;  the  greate-t  jxnver  today. 
Don't  throw-  it  all  away  for  th-  ho^;>it-d.  t:;e  bo-^loir, 
and  the  slum!  Look  up,  mv  friend.  Look  up!  •'/','/ r/(v 
to  the  others.]  ^'hv.  liov.  ^t  rious  you  all  are!  Bee-Mis.- 
I  have  preaelied  t-i  you:  And  yet  time  and  lime  ag-  in 
you  have  lectured  me,  eh? 


T  UK      I)  \  V     ()  I       DTP  K  S 

TIIK     KIN  XVCIF.R 

.\rr    we  goinij  to  have  much  more  of  this? 

TIM;  '  Di  TK  ' 

,'u.st  as  nrieh  or  as  little  as  I  wish.  [  Turning  to  TICK 
AllTlHT.  ]  Oil  artist,  (|iiii  t  and  pen-.i\e,  a  jiifturr! 
Sweet  eighteen;  spoilt  child:  crying  fur  whit  s|u-  cannot 
have.  'I'hc  sun  above —  the  wa\  ini;  corn  and  the 
maiden  pininir,  pining,  pining.  Hut  see!  There  is 
.someone  standing  Ix'.sidr  her.  His  eves  look  brave  and 
honest.  He  takes  her  hand.  He  kisM-s  it!  Look' 
The  face  is  like  someone's  in  this  room!  It  is  like  vonr 
face!  It's  a  ]>r<ttt/  picture  —  eh?  [TiiK  .  \irn-r 
m»unx,  his  face  in  Ins  hands.]  . \noti  i  r  picture.  A  poor 
lodging,  a  lonelv  woman,  pair  and  ill,  ervinj;  as  though 
her  heart  would  lireak,  as  though  it  were  broken.  Look 
closely,  attain.  It  is  th<  ii'irl's  face,  luit  nl/lcr,  \carn,  an<I 
with  kno'drdffr  lixikinjf  from  behind  the  eves.  A  hid- 
eous picture,  eh?  It  is  onlv  onr.  There  are  hundreds 
no  hand  or  tmiijtir  will  ever  paint.  \  I. caret  THE 
AKTI-T:  turns  to  the  othrrx.}  Slory  and  sermon  nrc 
ovi  r  !  And  now  for  the  last  seen.-  of  this  little  eoinedv 
and  in  it  vou  must  all  pi  iv  a  part.  It  K  tin  scene  that 
closes  the  board  meeting  hv  the  pa\ment  of  debts.  I 
am  indi-bted  t»  you  all  -—  vou  ".n-  all  indebted  to  me. 
I  ha\r  k«  pt  the  accounts.  I'olitici  in,  I  owe  \  on  some 
glimpses  of  Parndisr.  \ici-,  Montr  Carlo,  I  lorence, 
Home,  NapI'S.  ^  on  \\  <  re  a  delightful  jjuidr  and  as 
kind  as  a  frii;i<l.  ^d';r  \  iclit  \\.as  lo\ilv  \o:i  ;:i\r 
i»  IIM-.  You  c-ilh  d  it  "  !?•:".  rf!\  "  after  me.  I  our  \  ou 


T  II  K     I)  A  V     O  T     I)  r  I'  K  S 

as  well  some  money.  I  return  you  everything.  \JInndi 
him  a  packet,  hr  refuses  it.]  You  must.  It  was  n  loan, 
—  I  took  it  without  hesitation  —  I  repay  it.  [Learet 
packet  in  his  hands.] 

THK     I'OUTlriAN 

Really  - 

T1IF.    '   DTl'K  ' 

My  new  journey  begins  tomorrow  —  tonight  I  pay 
back  the  past.  Mr.  Financier,  what  do  I  owe  you? 
[  Thinks.  ]  Let  me  see.  Norway  —  n  happy  time!  I 
dreamed  there,  dreamed  always.  Such  beautiful  dreams 
loo.  Sometimes  I  look  out  of  that  little  window,  over 
the  housetops,  and  dream  them  all  again.  This  Hat  is 
yours,  furniture,  lease,  everything.  Also  a  little  matter 
of  shares  with  enormous  dividends.  I  pay  them  back. 
I  Hands  film  a  packet.] 

THF.     FINANCIER 

Don't  be  a  fool! 

THK    '   DtTK  ' 

I  have  always  been  a  fool  ! 

[TlIK    FlNANCIKH    TiY/TV.V   hlT  rtti'rt//.] 

THK    *  IMTK  ' 

You  must!  [Fora*  ///<•  pach-ct  Into  his  hands.]  And 
now.  Litterateur  —  what  do  I  owe  you.' 

THK     LlTTF.lt  ATF.I'K 
Really  - 

-c  H;I  > 


T  H  K     I)  A  V     O  F     DUPE  S 

THE    '  DUPE  ' 

Serious  talks.  Paris  for  a  month  —  more  talks. 
London  in  tlif  small  hours  —  we  talk  again.  All  in  the 
interests  of  literature.  You  thought  you  were  expand- 
ing yourself  body  and  soul  in  my  company.  You  Mere 
really  finding  life  in  my  changing  moods  -  in  my  levity, 
my  seriousness;  my  beauty,  mv  hidcousness ;  mv  temper, 
my  smiles,  my  tears.  You  will  endeavour  to  perpetuate 
me  in  some  book  or  play  and  think  you  have  benefited 
literature,  (io  to  a  factory  or  work-shop  and  take  some 
girl  with  red  hands  and  plaintive  faee  —  depiet  her  and 
hrr  struggles,  her  fears.  IKT  hopes,  her  joys,  and  you 
will  do  society  and  mankind  a  greater  kindness  than  a 
hundred  courtesans,  with  their  scented  rooms,  false  lives, 
false  pleasures,  false  griefs,  smiling  facts  and  aching 
hearts.  (to  out  into  the  beautiful  world-  le-ivc  us 
alone,  (iod  has  given  you  a  great  gift.  I  sc  it  ns  a 
great  gift.  1'lv  your  banner  '<>  tin-  .sky.  Don't  tr.iil  it 
in  the  mud.  Now  wl.-il  'in  I  owr  von?  Why,  of  course. 
Three  volumes  of  your  poems.  !  T  tikes  thi-tn  from  the 
hookcate.  Readi  the  title*  alouti  nntl  hands  them  to 
him.'  "  l.uxt  Snult."  "  .In  ()utea.\l  of  I'ans."  "  A 
liomanct  of  th<-  Morr/uf."  Theri-. 

THK     I. ITT  K.n. \TFTK 

But    I   don't  want  them.       I  ;lT(.'/<-  them. 

TH  K     '    I>t    IT  ' 

I  don't  want  them.  I've  real  them.  \F.ml>rac\nii  thr 
fi>i.r  'a  n  :<i  ii  tjriturf.]  One  mop  to  ist  and  then  1 


T  II  F,     DAY     Or     Dl'PKS 

dismiss  you.  You,  Society  think*,  .irr  all  mv  duprs. 
Society  is  wrong.  It  is  /  who  nin  the  dupe  of  all.  This 
is  the  Day  of  Dupes.  From  rottngc  to  pal.icc  —  that 
dupe  is  woman!  The  dupe  of  love,  of  passion,  of  en- 
vironment, (iive  us  freedom,  we  dupes,  and  we  would 
not  be  as  I  have  been  —  a  .slave  living  in  chains,  chains 
forged  by  myself  but  placed  on  me  bv  vou.  "The  J).'»v 
of  Dupe-.!  To  the  awakening  of  Wom/in !  '  [  I'ul* 
/Atti'/t  her  tilayx.  \  The  meeting  is  over,  the  board  is 
dissolved!  T  il.r  your  hats  and  coats—  .say  goodbye, 
and  uo  out  intu  the  night!  |  They  all  fjo  for  their  hats 
nii'l  coats.}  Oh!  IMease  don't  all  go  at  once!  Think 
of  my  reputation!  Hut  perhaps  you  don't  think  of  my 
reputation  ? 

THK     POMTiriAN 

Can  I  never  see  you  again? 

THK   '  nrpK  ' 
Never. 

THK     POI.ITiriAN 

I   will  leavp  everything — home  —  public   life.      Cnmr 
away  — 

THE    '  DI'PE  ' 

Hush!      Goodbye!      [They  stand  looking  at  »..-/<  nthcr 
a  moment — •  sh<'  drops  her  eifcs  —  his   hand  clenches  — 
he  fthirers  —  r/ot-s  to  door  and  passes  out.] 

THK    FINANCIER 

This  is  nil  humbug—  "  Buttrrfly." 


THI.     DAY     OF     DUPES 


THK      IMTK 

Butterfly  "  no  more.  Tli--  summer-time  is  over  nnd 
the  beautiful  "  Butterfly  "  £i\vs  up  her  roaming  and  dis- 
appears. 

Till.    FINANCIER 
I'll  come  round  tomorrow. 

TIM:   '  in  rn  ' 

I     -ll.lll    I"1    got)'  . 

Tin:    h  i.v.  \NCM-: u 
I'll  find  you. 

TII  K  '  PI  PI:  ' 

No  us'-  if  von  do.       [TiiK    I  INVMIKK   trii's  In  take  her 
in    h  i  v    arm-:.       lii'^tulsinif    him.\ 

TIM'     l-INANi   IKK 
I  il    find    \  on  !       \(incx  out   al>rii]>tltf.\ 

TM  K     I  ITTl'  li  \TI-  I    It 
I'«  r!.-!j",    it    is    f  T    tl.r    1        t. 

TIM:   '  nci'K  ' 

I.(t     Us    liopc    M>. 

Til  I       I.ITTMt  \TI  I    ri 
I    .nil)   plr-isrd  -       !]!'>•.(    p!r-isrd          to   li;i\  i    known    voil 

TIM:    '  in  PK  ' 
<"«!.id    I  'v    \  fT\    i:^rful. 

I  II  I!     I.IT'l  i'  R  ATT'   K 
You  -.vron;.'  i::r. 


T  ill.      DA  V     o  1       I)  I    I'  ES 

THK     '    HI    I'K  ' 

I  )o  1  r 

•I11K     UTT1  KATi:i'K 
^  Oil    d<>,    illdt  I'd. 

TI1K    *  WI'K  ' 

1  will  look  out  for  .mother  ina.sttTpiccc  on  "  l.a  Courte- 
san." fall  il  "  Th<  D.-ty  of  Dupes." 

Til  K    LITTER  ATE  UK 

/  ain  the  dupe.      I   thought  you  cared   for  UJL-. 

•nil-;   '  DL  ri-;  ' 
Not   ili    the   lca-,1. 

TIIK     1.1  1  1  KUATtM'K 

No? 

T11K     "   Dl'l'K  ' 
No. 

Til  1       I.I  m.KATKl   R 

[Crestfallen.]      Oh!      •  (MJ.'.V  out.] 

Tin:   *  Dri'K  ' 

[Loukhifi  at  TIIK  AHTIST.  1  \\"hy  Irivi-  you  not  <;n:if  .* 
I  .sec.  1  have  not  returned  von  your  trifts.  [  Tukfs 
locket  tind  cluiin  from  around  ht-r  ;ir<7>'.]  All  you  ever 
ga\  e  inc.  Take  them!  [Throws  them  on  the  table.] 
[live  ;«<•  atjain  i*.hut  I  (/we  you!  CJK. 

THF.   AUTIST 
I  o.'in't  leave     ou  —  like  this. 


THE     DAY     OF     1)  T  l>  E  S 

THE  '  nri-E  ' 
You  did  once. 

THE    ARTIST 
I'll  make  amends. 

THE    '  nri'E  ' 

What  amends  can  you  make?  [Pause.]  Do  you 
mean  you'd  marry  me?  [1'uust'.}  You  don't  answer. 

THE    ARTIST 

I   \vould  have  asked  you  years  ago,  hut  I  thought  then 

that    love   should    l-e   free.      That   mm   and  women    work 

out    their    destinies    more    fully    alone.      I  think    so    no 
longer. 

THE    '  IH'I'E  ' 

What  changed  you? 

THE    AHTIST 

Experience  has  taught  me  that  n»  life  ean  l>e  fully 
expressed  alone. 

Tin:   '  nri-i:  ' 
You  mean  no  man's  litY? 

TMK      MITIsT 

Nor  woman's.  It  is  tin-  perfeel  harmony  <>f  man  and 
woman-  two  lr::na'i  hrinjjs  forming  one  complete  na- 
ture—  that  mak«',  life  at  its  full.-.st.  U'hen  I  l.-ft  you, 
mv  art  di  •!.  M  v  finders  could  paint  no  more.  My  in- 
spiration had  gone. 


TIIK     DAY     01      DL'I'KS 

TMK    '  1)1   1'K  ' 

The  cry  of  the  sloven!  The  wail  of  the  incompetent! 
Art  is  divine.  It  is  not  dependent  on  another  tinman 
being.  It  is  in  onr't  tclf.  The  need  of  inspiration! 
Tlu:  excuse  of  the  vicious.  The  plen  of  the  satyr  to 
the  innocent:  "  I  need  you  as  my  inspiration."  If 
your  art  depended  on  my  degradation,  it  is  Ix-tter  it 
should  have  died.  You  say  no  life  can  be  fully  expressed 
alone.  Mine  shall  be.  What  has  the  companionship  of 
men  done  for  me?  What  has  mine  done  for  them?  I 
am  their  equal  by  birthright.  IJi:t  they  have  never 
treated  me  as  one.  They  did  not  want  the  best  of  me  - 
they  demanded  the  it-oral.  And  so  the  politician,  the 
financier,  the  man  of  letters  and  the  artist  found  their 
way  to  the  one  woman  and  in  degrading  her  tlu-v  de- 
graded themselves.  It  is  the  canker  in  tlieir  intures; 
the  open  sore  in  their  lives,  that  dulls  their  talents,  dims 
their  careers,  and  sends  them  to  forgotten  graves. 

TIIF.    AHTIST 

Let  me  do  something.  Let  me  at  least  help  you.  I 
am  sorry.  O,  how  I  am  sorry.  Let  me  help  you.  ^  on 
can't  face  the  world  alone.  You  tried  to  ome.  It 
brought  you  to  this. 

THE    '  DITK  ' 

It  is  different  now.  You  l<-ft  nn-  penniless.  My 
father  abandoned  me  as  you  did.  Hut  now  I  have 
money.  It  is  only  the  poor  men  prey  on.  Money  will 
keep  the  vultures  away  from  me.  They  don  t  seek  their 
prey  when  they  are  secured  by  money.  You  left  me  at 

-c  i<;~  y 


Till1.     DAY     OF     Dt'PES 

their  mercy.  I  ask  nothing  of  YOU,  hut  to  go.  I  never 
want  to  sec  you  again.  I  only  brought  you  here  tonight 
to  show  you  what  wreck  such  as  you  can  make  of  a 
woman's  life.  The  love  such  as  you  offered  —  without 
reverence  —  can  turn  the  child  I  wns  into  the  woman 
of  bitterness  I  am  now.  I  have  drunk  deeply  of  the 
waters  of  bitterness.  I  am  indeed  the  "  Quern  of  Astro- 
ffllc."  I  have  shown  you  your  lesson,  (io. 

[Tm:  AHTIST  crerps  out.  TIIK  '  Dri'K  '  stands  perfectly 
stilt  for  a  ffic  moments,  then  glra'njhtrns  up  and  flings 
up  hiT  arms  \cith  a  (frrnt  fffsture  uf  re!  iff.  HIT  eyet 
fall  on  the  miniature.  It  itli  a  look  of  fury  she 
snatchfs  it  up,  (ides  t<>  tin'  fire,  and  hurls  it  into  the 
(/rut'-.  Thfn  sfn-  rint/s.  tun!  stands  looking  into  //«* 
fire.  I'.ntir  TIIK  ATTENDANT.] 


Is    tl.c    t'.'ir    h'TC? 

TUT.  A'lTKXi*  AN  r 
Yes. 

Til  i:     'HI    !'l.  ' 

My  trunks  ? 

Til  1.    All  IN!'  \N  f 
At  t!.i    rn<l\vi\    station. 


My   rl, iak. 
[Tut:    ATTENDANT    '/'"•*    mt<i    lli<-    u<l ;oitniit)    room 

1)1  IIKJS     Illlt     I  lllllL  .   ] 

'-         - 


T  II  K     1)  A  V     0  K     1)  L'  P  KS 

THK   '  nri-K  ' 

[Putting  it  or  IT  her  shouldw.        (live  tlic  keys  to  the 
agent. 

THK    ATT  KM) A  XT 

Your  Irttrrs? 

TII  K   '  nr  PI:  ' 
left.      No  ndilrrss. 

THK    ATTKXI)  AM 

Anv  callers? 


THK    '   1)1    I'K 

Gone. 

THK    AT  TKXDAN  IT 

For  good  ? 


For  good. 

THK    A  TT  KNO  A  XT 

But  — 

THK    *   Dri'K  ' 
Put  that  in   the  car.      [Points   to  a  l>o.r  on  the  tahle.] 

[THK  ATTENDANT  takes  up  //?-•  hn.r  and  </n<-s  out.] 

THK   '  nrri:  ' 

[Look.?  around   the   room,   fa  nix  off   thr   i:qhts.      f)n!'/ 

thf    <jloic  from    the    fire   in    the    room.      .S/;<-   fio>'*    to    thr 

id  nd  ozt'  s   and   thrusts    them    open.      I'ery    fa'r^J'i    e,in    ^e 

heard    Rubinstein's    "  Kammenoi    Ox*ro-c  "    in    the    rear 

-C  1<59> 


T  II  E      DAY     OF     DUPES 

distance.  THE  '  Dri'K  turfs  u~.>.'ay  from  the 
anJ  looking  np-.janls  in  an  attitude  of  prayer,  sk? 
plfnilt.]  Oh,  Thou  —  Thou  who  oner  forgave  the  Mag- 
dalen,—  I  eonie  to  You  -  even  as  she  did  —  covered  in 
Sin,  an  outcast  of  mankind,  despised  of  women.  1  come 
to  You  to  pray  You  to  !,rlp  me  to  walk  alone!  [She 
paxsis  out.] 


TIIK    KM) 


DOROTHY'S  NEIGHBORS. 

A  brand  new  comedy  in  four  acts,  by  Marie  Doran,  author  of  "The 
New  Co-Ed,"  "Tempest  and  Sunshine,"  and  many  other  successful  plays. 
4  males,  7  females.  The  scenes  are  extremely  easy  to  arrange  ;  two  plain 
interiors  and  one  exterior,  a  garden,  or,  if  necessary,  the  two  interiors 
will  answer  Costumes  modern.  IMays  21  j  hours. 

The  xt'iry  it  about  vocational  traini>c.  a  tuhjrrt  now  widely  di«ru«ieil;  alt". 
the  distribution  of  large  wraith 

Hick  of  the  iomedy  sit'.iation  and  »n<i(>py  dialogue  there  i\  good  logic  and 
I  sound  moral  in  this  pretty  play,  whirh  i«  worthy  the  attention  of  the  *»pen- 
e.iced  amateur.  It  ii  a  clean,  wholesome  pUy,  particularly  tutted  to  high  school 
production.  I'tice,  30  Ccoti. 


MISS  SOMEBODY  ELSE. 

A  modern  play  in  four  nets  by  Marion  Short,  author  of  "The  Touch- 
down." etc.  fi  males.  10  females.  Two  interior  scenes.  Costumes  mod- 
ern. Plays  1\'\  hours. 

This  delightful  comedy  has  gripping  dramatic  moment*,  unusual  <-hararter 
types,  a  striking  and  original  plot  and  is  essenti.illy  modern  in  theme  and  treat- 
ment. The  story  concerns  the  adventures  of  Constance  Darcy,  a  multi-million- 
aire's young  daughter.  Constance  embarks  on  a  trip  to  find  a  young  man  who 
had  been  in  her  father's  employ  and  had  stolen  a  large  sum  of  money.  She 
almost  succeeds,  when  suddenly  all  tracer  of  the  young  man  are  lost.  At  thi* 
point  she  meets  some  old  friends  who  are  living  in  almost  want  and.  in  order  to 
assist  them  through  motives  benevolent,  she  determines  to  sink  her  own  aristo- 
cratic personality  in  that  of  a  refined  but  humble  little  Irish  waitress  with  the 
family  that  nre  in  want.  She  not  only  carries  her  scheme  to  «uccess  in  assistinff 
the  family,  but  finds  romance  and  much  ten^e  and  lively  adventure  during  the 
period  of  her  incognito,  aside  from  cnpt'irine  the  vntlner  man  who  had  defrauded 
her  father.  The  story  is  full  of  bright  comedy  lines  and  dramatic  situation*  and 
is  highly  recommended  for  amateur  production  This  i*  one  of  the  be*t  come- 
dies we  have  ever  offered  with  a  larpe  number  c.f  female  characters  The  dialogue 
is  bright  nnd  the  play  is  full  of  action  from  start  to  finish;  n^t  .1  dull  moment  in 
it.  This  is  a  great  comedy  for  high  schools  and  colleges,  and  the  wholesome 
«tory  will  please  the  parents  and  teachers.  \Ve  strongly  recommend  it 

Price,  30  Cents. 


PURPLE  AND  FINE  LINEN. 

An  exceptionally  pretty  comedy  of  Puritan  New  England,  in  three 
acts,  by  Amita  B.  Fairgrievc  and  Helena  Miller.  9  male.  5  female  char- 
acters. 

This  is  the  Lend  A  Hand  Smith  College  prire  play.  It  is  »n  admirable  play 
for  amateurs,  is  rich  in  character  portrayal  of  varied  types  and  is  not  too  difficult 
while  thoroughly  pleasing.  Price,  JO  Ce«ts. 

(The  Above  Are  Subject  to  Royalty  When   Produced) 
SAMUEL  FRENCH,  28-30  Wwt  38th  Street,  New  York  City 

Hew  and  Explicit  Descriptive  Catalogue  Mailed  Free  on  Request 


THE   RETURN   OF   HI  JINKS. 

A  comedy  in  four  act.s  by  Marion  Short,  author  of  "The  Varsity 
Coach."  "The  Touch-Down,"  etc.  C  males,  S  females.  Costumes  modern. 
One  interior  scene. 

This  comedy  i<  founded  upnn  am!  elaborated  from  a  f«rce  comedy  in  two  acts 
written  by  j.  H.  HorU.  and  originally  produced  at  Tint's  College. 

Hiram  Puyntcr  J:nks.  .1  Junior  in  H.».MC  College  (Willie  Collier  type\  and  a 
yt  -ing  moving  picture  actress  (M^ry  PickLrd  type),  arc  the  leading  characters  in 
this  lively,  n;"dern  farce. 

Thum-ii  H>j<igc.  .1  Senior.  envious  rf  the  popularity  .  f  Jinks,  wishes  to  think 
•,ip  a  scheme  to  thr<  w  ridicule  upon  him  (luring  a  visit  of  the  H.VHH-  (lire  Club  to 
Jinks'-.  h  <>mc  town.  Jinks  has  obligingly  acted  .."•  .1  <ne-diy  substitute  in  .1 
moving  pi'  :  -:rc  pl.iy.  in  which  there  is  a  fire  «^ene,  and  this  Rives  H"dse  his  <  ue. 
He  -end*  whnt  seem1,  to  he  a  h  :ia  Ale  ac<  "lint  of  Jinks'*  heroism  .it  a  HO"MC 
fire  to  JiIlV^'.  h'-ire  piper.  Invtrid  •>!  repudi.it  my  hi.  l.i-.i:r!s  .is  exp-  tr.!.  links 
<!e  ides  (••  take  a  river  in  famr.  <  .infirm*  the  fskr  M'i'y,  c-onfrsscs  to  brine  a  hero 
.-\r:d  i-  .idored  by  aM  t!;e  girls,  to  the  rhaprin  .ii\d  dis,  -mature  <J  H-lr:e  «">! 
f>'i'-e\  th»-  tr-.ith  r«mes  out  at  last,  but  Tinks  i<.  n^t  hurt  thereby,  .1:1.  his  r-^mar..  e 
with  Mini!  Mayflower  C'.mes  to  a  s-ictesbf-il  teimm  .ti'-n. 

This  it-  a  great  comedy  for  arnate-.ns.  It  is  full  of  funny  situations  and  is 
sure  to  p'.caie.  Price,  JO  Cents. 

JUNE. 

A  most  successful  r^nicdy-'lrani.i  in  f^r.r  art*.  l«y  Marie  Dor.vi.  a-itli»r 
of  "The  N'ew  Co-I;.d."  "Tc'npcst  and  Sunshine,'1  "Dorothy's  Neighbors," 
<  tc.  4  males,  s  females.  (  >r.<-  iiu«-ri»r  <-cenr.  Cn--tumrs  uiodcni.  Plays 
U'  4  hours. 

This  play  hat  a  very  intercMinr  croup  ..{  yo-jng  pe^jle.  June  is  .  -n  appe.ilinn 
little  fiRurr.  an  orphan  living  wfh  her  ;r.:nt  Their  .i-e  a  n  iir'^rr  -  :  delight  tul. 
hie-like  characters:  the  v  rely  trird.  likeable  Mr*.  Hopkiti--.  the  amusing,  !  -aught  y 
Mivs  H.inks  of  the  pl..\r  flrj..ir  •  rn.  :-.  t,  ih<-  lively  Tilly  ,it;d  Mil'y.  wh'  w>,:k  in  ;he 
•!:•-.  and  am'utio-is  Sr.  •  •'  -  ;  M-  I!.pl.in-.'s  •  nly  s,  n,  \\  h  >  :\-.\-i:<-\  (,  br  I'rrsi- 
der.t  of  the  fr.i'rd  States.  b-:t  fr.ls  I.IH  r-.il  -ph-Tr  is  rillir.niK'  tl'.''  I  ii  f.l'rv 
.  .ir  The  ph-iy  is  •  inii'ii  i'v  it""'.?  in  t'.e  tr'Iir.^  ..f  aii  eve:y..l.,y  -Joiy.  ar.d  ihe 
^^er.ir  rerjMJ'en-.er.!  s  -  .11  f.  r  -i'v  .  :.e  -et,  .1  r««.,i:i  in  the  b  ..irdini;  li.-use  .i  Mrs. 
Hopkins,  while  .,n  f.  pp-.  rtur.it  y  is  .iff..  -del  (.  infr-^liiic  r.ny  nrimbrr  "f  extra 
characters.  Musical  :;.:ir.hcr-i  m.iy  '  e  intr  •!•:<  r  !.  i!  devired.  P:  i.  e.  ?0  C-i.ts. 

TEMPEST  AND  SUNSHINE. 

A  mTirHv  ''r.irn  i  ;:i   four  arts,  l,y  Nfar''-  Dr>r:i!'..      "   m.ilrs  ar:l  "'   frnialrs. 


'l-.r    1     g;-:    h  .1  -.     •'•.'!'••!     !•-.     '.r     •  j.  r  -  '.     •.  .  rr.pl;'  :  f  v     v.d     gT,!ler.'^<  •!  'he 

rhj:.i'!eri     :-.••!•  -.v  %  en     :ri     •'.'     •  h»rn-.«.     )!'•..!      Mi-v      I       H    !ir.'^     '"n'.mjnis  :n  her 

•  trrv    of    "Ten-.;  '.I     .'    !         :r.-'     :•'     '      V.'e          -.     •••<r-,-'v     •'       r-.r-ev!    «'•.-.    j-  ;  •  y  41  ,-p.e 
••.f     th.e    Sei!     f;  1  1  v  v     f-r     VIR!:     •             !     p"  ?•!••••    n     rvMis'-e.!     j-     r/-,ef'      yei-^ 

P:,.'e.    w    r,r., 
(The   Arv>\e   Are   Subiect    tr.   Rn»t(y    When    Produced) 

SA.Mt  EL  FkENCH.  2ft.  JO  W««t  3fttb  Street.  N«w  York  City 

!tcw  and  Explicit  Descriptive  Catalogue  Mailed  Free  on  Rtqoesf 


THE  TOUCH-DOWN. 

A  comedy  in  four  acts,  by  Marion  Short  *  rrulrv  fl  female*,  hut  any 
number  of  characters  can  he  introduced  in  the  rnscmblrv  Coitumes  mod- 
crn.  One  interior  scene  throuKhout  the  play.  Time.  2' •',  houri. 

ThU  pl.v.  written  for  the  u*e  ,,(  ,  Irver  amateur*,  i.  lie  ,;,  ry  r(  life  jn 
Sid.  ell.  a  Penmvlv.nia  co.rlucMio.,31  c,,!!rKe.  It  dt^I.  with  the  vui-.-it.de.  ,nd 
final  triumph  of  the  Siddell  Football  Eleven,  and  the  humor,  u,  and  dr.m.t.e 
incidents  connected  (herewith 

"The    Tnuch.Down"    h..,    the    true    varsity    atmosphere,    college    .nniM    are    ••jng. 

,e    piece   M    lively    and    eilterUininK    throughout       High    »ch.>.,I.    ».I1    maVe    no 

mUtake   in    prodm-in*    this    play.     We    v.r,.tih-ly    rccummcod    it    ai    a    H^i-.  I..,,    jnd 

wcll-writtcti  cvracdy.  ft^f>  V)  Ce™§_ 

HURRY,  HURRY,  HURRY. 

A  comedy  in  three  acts,  by  I.eRoy  Arnold,  r.  males,  4  females.  One 
interior  scene.  Costumes  modern.  Plays  2?  4  hours. 

The  story  ii  based  on  the  will  of  .in  ercfntri-  aunt.  It  Mi'puhte*  tint  he' 
pretty  mece  must  he  afr.rnced  before  she  is  t.ventv-one.  and  married  to  he' 
fiance  within  a  yc.tr,  if  she  is  to  K'-t  her  spinster  relative's  iiu!li..n  K.ther  Ji  , , 
nice  notions  of  honor  and  fails  to  tell  daughter  about  the  will,  so  that  she  rr,  .v 
make  her  choice  untrammeled  by  any  ,.tl,cr  ,  onsiderati.-n  than  that  >.\  tr.,e  |,  ve 
The  action  all  takes  place  in  the  evening  t!-,-  midnight  of  which  will  -ee  her 
reach  twenty-one.  1  :l;u-  is  therefore  short,  and  it  i,  hurry,  h-.irrv.  hurrv  if  ,he 
IS  to  become  engaged  ;,nd  thus  save  her  f.,thcr  from  impending  bankrupt  y 

I  he    situatuns    are     intrinsically     funnv     and     the     dialogue     is     Miriirhtlv        The 
characters   are   natural  aiul   unatTectcd   and   the   action   moves   with   a    .nap    iu.-!, 
should  be  expected   from  its  title.  pr;cc    3,  c"nt» 

THE  VARSITY   COACH. 

A  three-act  play  of  college  life,  by  Marion  Short,  specially  adapted 
to  performance  by  amateurs  or  high  school  students.  ."  ni.iU-s.  r,  frma'"s 
but  any  number  of  boys  and  Rirls  may  be  introduced  in  t!ie  action  of  the 
play.  Two  settings  necessary,  a  college  boy's  room  and  the  univer>itv 
campus.  Time,  about  2  hours. 

Like    many    another    collepe    boy,    "TV1,"    9c!!'\,    an    all-rntind    popular    Tl'/c" 
man,   becomes    possessed    of   t!'"    i'le'.i    that    .>'.!'.!•'!•-    prowess    is    p^ore    to   \'f     )rl;-rd 
than    scholarship.     \\c    is    surprised     in     the    midvt     r.f    r:     "spTe.-nl"     in     his     ro   r-i     i:i 
Regatta    week    by     a    visit     from     his     ;umt     who    is     p-o,;;.,r    vj.>,     thr.  ••.-h'c    ",-•'• 
Aunt    Scr<-na,    "a    lady    of    the    oil     school    nr.  d     thr-    c!-Mresf     !>th-     w.-man     i'l     t"h- 
whole   world."    has    hastened    to   r.-.-^<-    this    vi   it    t<    V-r    r.d  .red    ncph-w    ••;:  :.-r    :'.:  • 
mistaken  impression  that  he  is  p.;. out   to  receive  the   Fci!o\vc*   prire   :'.,r   srh  <'...:-'••••' 
Her    tfrief    and     chnrrrin    v.heii     sh-'    !e.-r::  •;     that     ir.-teal     '  \     the    prir»    Robert     h' 
received    "a    pink    card."    which    is    e<nn'v  ih-nt     to    s':^prn<:    n    :    -    p  .or    vh.  •'  \  •  •-'•:• 
Rives    a    touch    of   pathos    to    an    ,.t!:erw:se    Jolly    cometly    ,.f    co!!.-<e    li'V.     H    •/,     • 
repentant   Robert   more   than    redeems    himself. 'carries    .  iT   honors   at    the    !  -.  -• 
in   the   end   wins    Ruth,   the    faith.tul    litth.-   swe/ti-.eart   of   th.'-   "Pr.  m"   ar.  1    th-      :'(s. 
room    makes    a    storv    of    <J-nnv.fic    int-.-re-t    r.r-.d    hri:-k^    c.ut     veiy     clearly       e::.::i 
phases  of  modern  college  life.     Thcro  ar^  several   ,  pporf.n-.it  it ..    for   the   intr   duetion 
of  college   songs   and   "stunts."  1'ricc,    3)  Cents. 

(The  Above  Are  Subject  to  Royalty  When   Produced) 


SAMUEL  FRENCH,  28-30  West  JSth  Street.  New  York  City 

New  and  Explicit  Descriptive  Cjtaloi-uo  ^lulled  Tree  u,i 


JUST  PUBLISHED 

Nothing  But  the  Truth 

A  Farcical  Comedy  in  Three  Acts 

By 

James  Montgomery 
Cast  of  Characters 

Bob  Bennett 

B.  M.  Ralftton 

Clarence  Van  Dusen 

Ulshop  Doran 

Dick  Donnelly 

<  iw  <  u 

Mrs.  Italatun 

Ethel 

Mablo 

Sable 

Murtha 

SCENES 

ACT  1.     A  Broker*!  Office 

ACT  2.     1'arlor  of  a  Country  Home 
ACT  3. 

TIME:     The  Present 

"Nothing  But  the  Truth"  Is  built  upon  the  simple-  Idea 
of  Its  hero  speaking  nothing  but  the  absolute  truth  for  a 
mated  period  He  b<-t.s  a  friend  ten  thousand  dollars 
that  he  ran  do  it,  and  boldly  tackles  truth  to  win  tho 
money.  For  a  very  «hort  time  tho  task  Is  placidly  easy. 
tut  Truth  routa  out  old  man  Trouble  and  then  things  bo- 
Kin  to  happen.  Trouble  doesn't  j»e»rn  very  largo  and 
aggressive  when  he  nr*l  pokes  hla  nos»  into  the  noblo 
resolve  of  our  hero,  but  ho  (trows  rapidly  and  soon  we 
Hf-e  our  dealer  in  truth  disrupting'  the  domestic  relation* 
of  his  partner.  In  fart.  Trouble  works  overtime,  and 
reputations  that  have  been  unblcmi.^hed  are  smirched. 
Hltuatlona  that  nr<-  absurd  and  complications  almost 
knotted,  pile  up.  nil  credited  to  Truth,  and  the  r-  ••ult  of 
th«  wager  to  foster  and  cherish  that  great  vlrtuo  from 
the  lipH  -.f  the  man  who  has  espoused  th«  cau«o  of  truth 
to  win  a  wager. 

It  Is  a  novel  Idea  and  no  well  has  it  boon  worked  out 
thnt  nn  audience  IH  kept  In  throes  i>f  laiurhter  at  tho 
t-ei-mlturly  Impossible  task  to  untangle  »-:iarl.«  Into  which 
our  liero  has  Involved  all  those-  he  COM  .  n.t..  c«'r>(:i«-t 
with.  H  Is  a  clean  1. right  farce  of  we!l  <n  i.vn  liciri.clerii 
am!  wars  built  for  laughing  purpo.s<"(  i  r»ly. 

William  Collier  played  "Nothing  Hut  the  Truth"  for  a 
year  at  the  I^ongnrn;  Theatre.  New  Tork.  nri'l  it  has  been 
en  tour  for  over  two  jieasuns. 

AHer  three  yenrn  roritlnuoim  sucr.-««  on  n<f  pmfpnt- 
l.irml  ft.-iKi-  w<-  nr«-  now  >.fT'-rlng  "Nothii.i:  I:.'1  the  Truth" 
for  nmnteur  production.  It  la  one  of  th"  funniest  «nd 
brlghtent  fanen  ev.-r  wiltten.  and  It  l.i  admirably 
to  atuutcur  pruUuctlon. 

60  CENT* 


THE  REJUVENATION  OF  .... 

in    three  r      7    mal 

modern.     Flays    Z' 4    he 

parts    for    "Aunt    Mary." 

nephew;   "Lurmda."   a   New   F.-  .  -nt   maid   of   all  work; 

hums;    the    Girl    "Jack"    loves;    "Joshua,"    Aunt    Mary's    hire* 


was  played  by  May  Robson  in  New  York  and  o 
:t   is   sura  to  be  a   big  success   wherever  produce* 


>r  over 


MRS.  BUMSTEAD-LEIGH. 

A  i  mciiy,  in  three  acts,  by  Harry  James  Smith,  author  of 

6  males,  6  females.    One  interior  scene.    Cos- 
-"4  hours. 

Smith    chose    foi4  his    initial   corned*    the   complications    arising    from    the 
•  a  social  climber  to  land  herself  in  the  altitude  peopled  by  hyphenated 
me  permitting  innumerable  complications,  according  to  the  spirit  of 
the    w  • 

i    most   successful  comedy  was   toured  for  several  seasons  by   Mrs.    Fi»k« 
with  euormous  success.  Price,  40  Out*. 

MRS.  TEMPLE'S  TELEGRAM. 

A  most  successful  farce  in  three  acts,  by  Frank  Wyatt  and  William 
Morris.  5  males,  4  females.  One  interior  scene  stands  throughout  the 
three  acts.  Costumes  modern.  Plays  2l/j  hours. 

•  -t    Temple's  Telegram"   is  a  sprightly   farce  in  which  there  is   an   abund- 
:    fun    without    any    taint   of   impropriety    or   any    element    of    offence.      As 
!   by  Sir  Walter  Scott,   "Ob,  what  a  tangled  web  we  weave  when  first  we 
practice  to  deceive!" 

There  is  not  a  dull  moment  in  the  entire  farce,  and  from  the  time  the  curtain 
rites  until  it  makes  the  final  drop  the  fun  is  fast  and  furious.  A  very  exceptional 
farce.  Price.  00  Cent*. 


THE  NEW  CO-ED. 

A  comedy  in  four  acts,  by  Marie  Doran.  author  of  "Tempest  and 
Sunshine."  etc.  Characters,  4  males,  7  females,  though  any  number  of 
boys  and  girls  can  be  introduced  in  the  action  of  the  play.  One  interior 
and  one  exterior  scene,  but  can  be  easily  played  in  one  interior  scene. 
Costumes  modern.  Time,  about  2  hours. 

theme  of  this  play  is  the  coming  of  a  new  student  to  the  college,  bar 
reception  by   the   scholars,  her  trials   and   final  triumph. 

There  are  three  especially  good  girls'  parts,  Letty,  Madge  and  EateHe.  but 
the  others  have  plenty  to  do.  "Punch"  Doolittle  and  George  Washington  Watt*. 
•  gentleman  of  color,  are  two  particularly  good  comedy  characters.  We  <.»• 
Strongly  recommend  "The  New  Co-Ed"  to  high  schools  and  amateurs. 

Price,  10  Cents. 

Above  Are  Subject  to  Royalty  When  Produced) 


SAMUEL  FRENCH,  28-30  W«»t  JSth  Street,  New  York  City 

New  and  Explicit  Descriptive  Catalogue  Mailed  Free  on  Request 


FRENCH'S 

Standard  Library  Edition 


Includes  Plays  by 


Clyde  Fitch 

Carton 
Alfred   Sutro 
Richard  Harding  Davis 
Arthur  W.  Pinero 
Anthony  Hope 
Oscar  Wilde 
Haddon  Chamber* 
Jerome  K.  Jerome 
Cosmo  Cordon  Lennox 
H.  V.  Esmond 
Mark  Swan 
Grace  L.  Furntss 
Marguerite   Merrington 
Hermann  Sudermann 
Rida  Johnson  Young 
Arthur  Law 
Rachel  Crothers 
Augustus  Thomas 
William  Gilh 
George  Broadhurst 
Martha  Morton 
II    A.  Du  Souchet 
Edward  £.  Kidder 
W.  W.  Jacobs 


Sir  Arthur  Conan  Doyle 

Loins  N.   Pai 

Made!  -tte  Ryley 

Winche): 

Margaret  Mayo 

Wm.  C.  de  M 

Edward  Peple 

W.  Mason 
Charles  K 
James  Forbes 
Henry  Arthur  Jonci 

Thomas 
Channing  Pollock 

Ballard 

J.  Hartley  Manners 
James  Montgomery 
Cyril  Har 

Roi  Cooper  Megrue 
Carlisle  Moore 
Ernest  Denny 
Laurence   Housman 
Harry  James  Smith 
Edgar  Selwyn 
Augustin  McHugh 
Robert  Housum 


Percy  MacKaye 
French1!  International  Copyrighted  Edition  con- 
taint  plays,  comedies  and  farces  of  international 
reputation;  also  recent  professional  successes  by 
famous  American  and  English  Authors. 

Send  a  four-cent  stamp  for  our  new  catalogue 
describing  thousands  of  plays. 

SAMUEL   FRENCH 

Oldest  Play  Publisher  In  the  World 
28  30  West  38th  Street,       NEW  YORK   CITY 


Of  CAI >  LIBRARY.  LOS  ANGFI 


